Why Does My Boyfriend Criticize My Eating Habits?

[Anonymous]

I'm an emotional eater. I want to lose weight. I'm 5'3 and weigh 176. I exercise daily 45 minutes to an hour. But I have an addiction to food. I'm an emotional eater and bi-polar. I try telling my boyfriend why my diet is bad and that I'm struggling, but he makes side comments. Like I told him yesterday I ate some waffles for emotional reasons. He then proceeded to tell me, as if I didn't know already, that they're bad for me. He told me I'm only supposed to eat eggs, bacon, beef, and veggies. Today, we argued about my salt intake because he said it's not bad for me and I told him it is. So I try to talk about something else after a 10 minute salt argument and tell him my back hurts and I didn't know why. He said, and I quote, "You should try eating another 6 waffles. That'll make it better." I hung up on him and texted me asking why I hung up. I didn't answer and I'm not going to. I get mad when he tries to tell me things I already know. I tell him I need him to listen to my emotions and why I eat, not tell me what I shouldn't. I'm not an idiot, but I am an emotional eater and when you just make fun of me and poke at my diet, it just makes it worse. A lot of the times I eat emotionally are whenever I get done talking to him or seeing him. I need emotional support, not diet advice. He told me that doesn't make any sense and it just makes me want to order a pizza to make myself feel better, so it's another urge I have to fight. I can't even eat an apple without him telling me it'll make me fat. No, that's not a joke, he did tell me when I was eating an apple that I needed to stop or I'd get fat.

I don't understand. My friends have guys that are supportive about their diets and struggles and listen instead of make fun of them, so why won't mine do it for me? Just makes me want to cry and give up.

Updates

+1 y

by the way, he doesn't take me on dates or anything but he said he would sometime soon. I asked where he'd take me and he said, 'Probably out to eat since you like that so much.'

Forgot to mention that above.

[Anonymous]

im sorry you're having to put up wih that
it feel s like emotional abuse to me
especially that last comment

dont stay with a guy who makes you want to cry
you deserve a supportive guy
like me :P

listen. life changes will take a long time. you have to stick to your new goals and eating habbits at least a month before your body and mind start to really respect it. you just need a little positive support

you CAN do it. and you know what? there are actually some foods you can eat emotionally that are a bit healthier these days so perhaps switching out one thing at a time with a healthier version will help

of course anything in excess is no good but sitll... healthier waffles are still better. so you have to keep your head up, and have one of your goals as a slightly increased income so you can support the needed new foods

I've switched a lot of high sugar high calorie things out of my diet, example, zevia soda instead of coke. t's a bit more expenisve but its a lot better when im down, even if i overdo it. walmart has them a dollar, sometimes less per can, it's not like coke where you can get those huge 36 packs for cheap but ya know. lol

smile, life is for living
seriously though that guys is a jerk, someone has to say it
when your back hurts im going to ask you if you're gonna see a doctor, if you want a back rub, if u have one of those hot or cold back wraps, if not im going to bring you one and give you one of my expert massages

and maybe shop with you online for a memory foam topper and a better mattress.

thats support, not "go eat waffles"
fucking ass. am i allowed to curse in these things lol?

[worldscolide]

He has a right to criticize what you eat, and i do know where you are coming from i am 6 feet tall and over 300 pounds, and its been only recently that i have been able to do something about it. My wife has been a big help, and she has definitely been one to criticize what i eat, its helped me stay on my diet, and lose the weight i have lost. But his brand of criticism is not acceptable. His is closer to verbal abuse.

[Asker]

He doesn't have a right to criticize what I eat because I changed my diet. Keep in mind, this is a person who said a plain bowl of stovetop oatmeal with blueberries is unhealthy. He told me fruit is going to make me fatter and I can't eat anything but eggs and protein and veggies. When I try to explain why food makes me feel good and that I need him to be nice and help me, like tell I look nice or actually take me on a date, he asks why or tells me no or doesn't feel like it and then laughs. It's so damn annoying. Don't criticize me trying to change my diet if you aren't going to help.

[worldscolide]

I think you missed what i meant. Criticizing eating out, or other unhealthy things like that is ok. The way he does it is completely wrong and i can't stress that enough his brand of criticism will cause backsliding. There are two kinds of criticism, one is positive, where its like, hey that's not good for you, try this instead. The other is what he is doing which is insulting and degrading. When i would go after soda (it was the hardest thing for me to kick seriously, i still crave it) my wife would make tea, or make Crystal Lite and would direct me there, Eventually i stopped soda all together. And by the way he is completely wrong about fruits. The bulk of my diet is meat vegetables and fruit. On a further side note Oatmeal is one of the healthiest things you can eat.

[worldscolide]

"When I try to explain why food makes me feel good and that I need him to be nice and help me, like tell I look nice or actually take me on a date, he asks why or tells me no or doesn't feel like it and then laughs."

This part right here though tells me that he is only going to give the wrong things to you, If he is going to be critical he needs to do it in a supportive manner, if he cannot understand why, and why it is so hard for you, then he does not deserve to be with you, and you should find someone else.

Just keep in mind, Being critical does not mean being negative. It needs to be positive, so it can reinforce what you are doing presently and steer you in the direction that will be most beneficial to you. I believe he is being abusive to you not just negative.

[Asker]

I guess that makes more sense. It's the negativity. When my trainer tells me about my diet, I don't feel like crap afterwards. She is the one who gave me the meal plan that I'm on now.

[worldscolide]

I'd stick with what your trainer says. by the way i didn't mean to seem like i was coming off as an ahole or anything like that

[Darkfairie17]

Wow, your boyfriend sounds like a jerk!

Maybe stop telling him about your eating. It just seems to be making your emotional eating problem worse. You will now feel bad every time he makes a negative comment about it. And it's normal to feel bad when someone says stuff like that, but I think it's probably doing more harm than it's worth it to tell him about your eating habits.

He can be a better supportive partner by doing other things. Like for instance, helping to make a healthy breakfast. Offering to go with you to the grocery store, maybe picking out some healthy recipes to try at home. Offering to go for a walk with you. Thinks like that are supportive.

Being negative and criticizing you by saying "Go have another 6 waffles" is not support. That is antagonizing. He's just making the problem worse.

[Darkfairie17]

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

oh my what kind of boyfriend is that? he is supposed to support you. if he makes you feel bad then he is not the one for you. nd if there's 1 thing you should give up on its him

show him you are worth it and more than what he thinks and hopefully he will come around to the fact that no one has the power to make someone feel bad about themselves let alone give up on themselves

hope this helps :)

[SunsetRose]

You need to get healthy, and the first step to doing that is dumping this guy.

[Sabretooth]

like a sack of anvils

[Cusco_Othriyas]

For the record, he isn't directly criticizing your dietary habits. He's actually joking about how contradictory you are about your motives and your actions. He's pointing out that you aren't putting in enough effort to fight your urges and achieve your goals. He wants to stay with you but he's struggling to stay attracted. You whine about him not giving you emotional support, but what's support gonna do if you aren't willing to fight your battles? You have quite a list of questions you need to ask yourself before you complain about him.
TL:DR He's pushing you to fight, how can you not see that? Stop making excuses if you really want to lose weight that bad!

[Asker]

No, he's definitely criticizing. There was a time a few months ago when I wasn't eating at all and his response is 'Good'. And he's not losing the attraction, I look exactly the same as I did when we first met a year ago. He wants to have sex 5-6 times a week all the time and it's driving me insane. Despite my weight, my clothes size is actually pretty normal. Size 8 or 10 jeans, DD bra, small or medium shirts, small or extra small size skirts. I just don't like that I look somewhat bloated all the time. I can still fit in my homecoming dress from when I was 16 and I only weighed 115 pounds back then.

Plus, I am changing my diet, but he doesn't think my changes are good. I had salmon and broccoli yesterday for lunch and he told me I needed to eat more than that. He wants me on a 2100 calorie diet.

[Cusco_Othriyas]

Is he telling you to bring it UP to a 2100 cal diet or DOWN to one?
If he's telling you to bring it DOWN, I don't see what's wrong.
If he's suggesting you bring it UP, then I dunno what the hell he's trying to do.

[Asker]

He's telling me to bring it up. My trainer told me I need t be on 1500-1800 calories and eat plenty of fruits, protein, and veggies. She told me not to totally cut out carbs since I'm weight lifting to tone up and doing cardio 2-3 times a week.

He told me that if I eat less than 2000 calories, than I'm not eating enough. I told him it's impossible for me to eat 2100 calories and I've tried. In order to do it on the actual food I'm trying to eat, I have to over eat. He told me fruit will make me fat, too.

[Cusco_Othriyas]

Ok I take everything I said back, He's the biggest dumbass I've ever heard of

[Asker]

Lol, yeah, when people hear about how he views my caloric intake, they say the same thing

[AdamThomas]

It sounds like you need a new boyfriend, eating apples makes you fat? Idiot.

But you need to stop making excuses for eating crap if you ever want to get anywhere. The only way to lose weight is through willpower, that means no matter what, you stick to the diet. I stopped smoking recently, and I craved cigarettes all the time. I had people smoking in front of me offering me one, and there's still a packet of cigs at home. I could easily make excuses to have one because a lot of shit has gone wrong recently, but I don't. Same goes with eating.

[bigboi22]

are you married to him lol? Like fucking leave him if he's being this irritating. but on the other hand, eat less. get a hold of your emotions. Eating is like a drug to you right now, so you have to stop yourself even if your body craves it. You have only 3 square meals a day to fullfil you caloric intake, any other cravings have to be put aside.

[Asker]

Lol, no, he doesn't want to ever get married. He's just boyfriend. But it's really annoying the side comments. I eat a salad with chicken and that's not enough. I eat an apple, too much sugar. Oatmeal has too may carbs. Like, I don't get it, what the fuck is left to eat if I can't have chicken, fruit, or any breakfast food besides eggs? I don't understand.

[bigboi22]

eat what you want, leave him lol. Unless he fucks you good?

[Asker]

He doesn't lol, but I'm not really into sex like that anyway. He wants it like 5-6 times a week and I'm just like... get away from me lol

[bigboi22]

So why in the whole wide world of fucks are you with him?

[Rloco]

The issue here is that he thinks he is helping you. He knows your goal to lose weight and that's why he is pressuring you to not eat the bad food. He is however going about in a negative way. If only brings up how unhealthy it is think about that. If he making fun and just bringing up the fact that it's not good maybe try to think about how he cares and is trying. But you should tell him about making rude comments or making fun. That is not ok in any situation.

[the-mad-german]

kick that guys ass... he's a idiot!

... eating for emotional stress is a bad thing... and i think a diet would not help you at all. You really should consult a therapist, he can help to find out whats wrong and what causes those stress that makes u wanna eat. So you can stop it and focus to your weight... and dont let anyone tell you how much u need to lose weight to be happy. U know it by yourself, and once reach that point you can stop diet and crap... even if you still not look "thin"

[Asker]

Oh, when I say diet, I mean like a lifestyle change. I'm trying to kick fast food and soda and stuff for good. It's more than just trying to fix my weight. Diabetes and hypertension are on both sides of my family. After talking to my trainer, we decided 150 pounds is a good target goal and then after that, I can focus on losing 5 more pounds. My trainer is really thin and my height, but she has a lot of lean muscle. She weighs about 145 and wears a size 5-7 jeans, so I'm glad I met her because she told me I don't need to be 135 to be healthy. She's been a lot of help. And we're the same age, too, so that makes it easier.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

you're 5'3 176lbs... i don't think he should be supportive of your diet and has a right to criticize it. with that said, you and he should be working harder on changing said diet and he shouldn't be making fun of you for it. I don't know why you don't just leave the relationship if it's that bad

[Asker]

I don't want him to be supportive of unhealthy habits. I want him to understand where it come from and how he can help. Why does he have a right to criticize what I eat?

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

i mean him being understanding won't exactly change this and he kinda has a right to criticize what you eat cause it's clearly causing you to continuously gain weight. to your defense, that doesn't mean he has to be critical in a negative manner, especially since it's obviously doing you more harm and not helping you at all besides telling you you're fat. again, why be with a dude who makes you that miserable? i don't get it

[Asker]

That seems to be the question of the ages. I've never met someone who thinks one apple is bad for you. He told me fruit is going to make me fat, too but eating a pound of ground beef is fine. I went through a bad headspace for a month ad put on 10 pounds. But I lost 4lbs. this past week by exercising, cutting out sodas, no fast food, and I'm still working hard, but he never agrees with anything I eat. I try to eat around 1500 to 1800 calories and he told me I should be eating 2100 calories a day.

[worldscolide]

Its your CARB intake that is getting you. An apple literally has almost no caloric value, and is perfectly ok to eat. Stick to what your Doc says, stick to the veggie, and protein diet and you will be fine. For me i had to stop eating out, Stop drinking soda, and stick to drinking Water and tea.

My doctor actually told me that i should add a zero to the weight that i want to be and eat the calories that equate to that so for me, i had to cut it down to 1800, doing the above and keeping my calories under 1800 has caused me to lose 26 pounds in the last 4 weeks.

[Asker]

@worldscolide See, I want to build muscle at the same time so I want to be 135lbs. but my trainer told me that because of my body build, that's not realistic, especially since I want lean muscle. I played soccer for 16 years so I'm not like all flab. But I'm trying to cut out things I eat all the time. For instance, I could go through a 2 liter of coke in a day and think nothing of it. I haven't had a soda in week. I don't feel as tired or weighed down. I know it'd be easier to stick to my diet if my boyfriend tell me everything I do is wrong. Yeah, a waffle is terrible, but how are apples bad? A bowl of plain stovetop oatmeal topped with blueberries? He said that salad I ate with a chicken breast on top didn't have enough calories in it. He said I need to eat at least 2100 calories. I told him my trainer said 1800 max and he said she's an idiot.

[worldscolide]

Your trainer is right, its your boyfriend that is the idiot, Oatmeal is good for you, So is salad with chicken. A 2100 Calorie diet will certainly cause you to stay at your present weight, dropping below that will cause you to lose weight. When i was working with my doctor on my diet (BTW my Doc told me that if i didn't do something i would be dead in 10 years) he told me specifically, if i want to eat a heart healthy diet i should eat Oatmeal as much as i can. If a doctor tells me that Oatmeal is good for me, I am completely sure it should be perfectly ok for you.

As i mentioned before, if he can't be supportive kick him, he will only make it harder to lose weight. He is causing you stress, Stress causes the human body to latch on to fat, and makes it more difficult to lose the weight.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

Yeah, just drop him. It really doesn't make sense to be with him. If I were you, I would've left a long while ago. @worldscolide is right

[Alan180188]

look making comments and jokes can be accepted from friends or best friends depends how sensitive you are, but when it comes to boyfriend then if he was like your best friends he can comment or joke but without hurting you first and second if he has a solution for that problem or at least some ideas or even support you, otherwise it's just mean and not mature, and when he do that hit him back in the face and ask him to act like a man !

[badger25]

Waffles really are not bad for you, as long as they aren't drenched in syrup or butter. Just continue doing your best. Organic fruits and green vegetables are delicious.

Sounds like your boyfriend needs to find a better way to support you, instead of making snide and sarcastic comments about it

[JuicyBrain]

He should either mind his own business or find someone else to pester. Though, may I suggest you stop talking to him about food? Stop bringing up the subjedft around him. You already known what he thinks so don't give him a chance to comment...

[Asker]

Tried... but he's like really into nutrition, even though he isn't that good at it himself so it's something he loves talking about, doesn't matter if I bring it up or not.

[JuicyBrain]

When it happens, look annoyed and tell him you are not interested about his opinion on the matter.

[Byakuyarko]

Get professional help. Go to a dietician. Eat healthy. Work out. Try and be the most healthy attractive version of you possible. Whenever you feel the same emotional pain that makes you crave food, choose healthier options- fruits, nuts, oatmeal. And the day you get back in shape, invite your 'boyfriend' to a celebratory date to a swanky restaurant. When the meal is over, dump his ass and leave him with the bill. I'm serious. Over the top ideas for revenge is the greatest motivator.

[Finesse18]

Find a guy who can respect your emotions and help support you while you work for a better body! You deserve better

[Anonymous]

He doesn't love you the way you are, he wants to change you. It's wrong!
If he would love you, it wouldn't matter if you have 20 pounds more or less.
And if he doesn't want to get see with you (as you are now), dump him, he's an ass.

[Asker]

He's said before he has no problem with my size now, but I think on some level he does because I can't think of why he would say some of the things he does.

[Opinion Owner]

He probably lied. Or he thought that it wouldn't take long to change you the way he wants you to be.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to stop and if he doesn't then dump his ass

[DianeDuffus]

Stick to your diet and change your boyfriend

[Sabretooth]

fist off, i'd suggest ending this relationship.

[Asker]

I think I already know the answer, but I'm going to ask anyway, but what makes you say that?

[Sabretooth]

because, this relationship is about as healthy as your current problem! instead of being supportive, he's pushing you further into depression. at the rate things are currently going, even if you you stop eating so much, you'll just to another extreme... not to mention the psychological damage he could cause.