I actively read Renee and David's blog, so to add to your question,
It's attraction and vulnerability that makes a man want to connect, yet it is a combination of attraction, vulnerability, honesty, authenticity, being genuinely feminine (emotional) and showing up high status that makes for long term commitment.
Women these days spend so much time trying to be bad asses, that it turns men off, as they come off fake, not only that they tend to deceive men in the sense of lying about these vulnerabilities and or insecurities as guys naturally want to care for a woman, but find it impossible to do so as women can come off as too independent in a masculine way such as being overly sarcastic, cutting euphemisms, jaded or cynical and out right negative to the point where a guy can't feel like he can win.
If you've ever heard the phrase "No matter what I do she's never happy." You know what happened, the woman forgot to allow space for a man in her life, to do the things that make him feel like a man. Some will say that it's manipulation or deception to use a man in this way such as moving heavy things or getting some thing from up high, yet it's more so persuasion or influence as it allows a man to feel needed or useful.
Men are natural problem solvers and need to do so to feel complete.
It's a well understood fact that women can do most everything that a man can do, men are not needed as much as they were in years past.
However men still have a place in a woman's life, they tend to be less emotional, more grounded, stable, less chaotic, they're bigger physically most times and tend to do the dangerous things women don't want to do. Aside from all that they offer a different sort of company and companionship that women don't offer as their minds are structured differently and can offer a differing point of view that some haven't considered being less logical in nature.
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Relationships in our society are extremely important. But not everyone looks for them. So there is a broader question to ask, what makes people want to commit to a relationship? And I could use the 2500 words and go into every detail of why people want to be in a relationship, for me one of the simplest answers is timing. I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was 23 because I was focused on humanitarian projects, church service, and college. But then I felt that the weekly date wasn't enough and needed something more solid in my life. Then I was introduced to my girlfriend. I didn't even know I wanted a girlfriend until I met her. She was kind and friendly. She even struggled to speak English since she had just moved from another country. But I felt that the timing for us was perfect so we started a relationship. Seven years have passed and now we're getting ready to get married. The timing is everything. When people are ready for a relationship, they make it happen. I've known some people who are ready so skip from one relationship to the next never seeming to ever be single. Then there are some who just finish a nasty breakup and want some time to recover before the next relationship. Then there are some who don't want a relationship until they are closer to knowing they want to get married, since it would be silly for them to date if you're just going to break up in a few months or years. You can't predict the future but you can know when the timing is right and timing is everything in a relationship for one to happen. Like I said, there's more to it but that's just one piece (a big one) for commitment to happen.
I think that what Renee said is right. You have to be both things, attractive, but also vulnerable. A guy needs to feel some sort of connection with you in order to want anything more with you.
I've been told I'm wife material. But i think I lack whatever it is that makes a guy feel connected to me. I'm shy and I've been really hurt in the past by guys. So I find it hard to let people in. I find it hard to trust but I'm working on it.
But I think there are also other things too. Every guy views things differently. Some guys like a woman who can show her feminine side, while other guys find that annoying. Some guys like a woman who is in touch with her emotions, while other guys run from that.
The key is, you have to find a guy who is open to who you are. And isn't going to run because they find a trait that isn't ideal. We are all imperfect, but that doesn't mean someone can't love us.
My boyfriend told me that he decided to commit to our relationship when he saw that we shared the same morals and future/dreams. I definitely agree with you on vulnerability. I THINK my boyfriend feels more like a man when he is being needed. This isn't necessarily a bad thing though because I don't know about other girls but I love being taken care of (emotionally) and of course physically. For instance, couple months ago I got into a car accident which my car flipped over. The first person I called while hanging upside down was my boyfriend. The smarter choice would've been calling 911 first but the fact that he was the first person that was on my mind in a life or death situation (or it felt like), probably made him feel very important in my life.
But ultimately, there's no right answer to your question because when you know, you just know.
Well she may have a point. I am pretty attractive and a good catch in other ways but in the past i found it hard to open up and be vulnerable. guys didn't tend to stick around and usually chose another woman. i have been working on that and i see a difference, bringing out your softer side brings out the man in them. it doesn't mean that he's always going to act right cbut ur more likely get a deeper relationship because that feminnity is what allows a man to fall in love
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I can't think of anything that would make me want to commit to a woman right now. All through my life I've observed that women have no sense of commitment and will destroy a man the moment the relationship becomes inconvenient to her, right before monkey-branching to her next boyfriend that she already had lined up. And the state will be the muscle that makes it happen.
Right now, relationships are a very dangerous thing for men. I recommend against it. Get a casual fling if you can pull it off, but always be recording. The best solution is to just get a hobby that gives you some fulfillment without women involved.
I know this isn't an answer to your question, but you aren't asking the right questions.Well if she is the most attractive we have and we feel we genuinely want to be with her, she's loyal, faithful and generally has all the qualities we look for (someone we are not sure will happen to us again ) that makes most guys commit, basically its about meeting a quality girl, a catch that is not easy to find and stickign to her, of course sometimes during college years or other times the guy might be busy so he won't commit , but most of the time if she is extremely attractive to him and has all the qualities he wants , he's gonna commit.
I have stumbled upon Renee Wades stuff & coming from a man , she DOES understand men. One of her comments is that most women EXPECT a man to understand / put in the work to understand & please her , whilst ( in her words ) " she thinks primarily about herself " This sadly is mostly very true , I think in large part is due to " media " programming , men are always portrayed as , at best , morons that cannot function without a woman , I'm a single dad , so that is BS. You must also remember that marriage is a huge risk for a man , marriage is dying because men fear being taken to the cleaners , by default the man is ALWAYS to blame , unless he has damn good evidence in his favour.
It depends on the age group. But for the record, I do feel that this is somewhat correct in the sense that we like to feel needed to a certain extent. And it does help when a woman opens herself to allow you to learn her and who she is. But it's a lot to do with timing. Lots of women want to move faster than the guys they deal with. So even if he does like her, being rushed is a turn off and can make him feel like it's not meant to be. (That's typically what I've noticed in ages 28 and under)
Well it all depends on the guy himself. If he isn't looking for something more stable, you could give him the world and that probably won't change his mind. I think that even though a girl may have what we are looking for, to commit is a big move and there is possible doubt that although she has all the qualities we look for, if things do not work out we have spent resources (time and money) for no real benefit, if that makes sense.
In my case, I committed because I felt a connection to the person I wanted to date. It involved a lot of talking, a lot of flirting as well, but ultimately what made me commit was that I could approach that person and see myself in a year or two with them. That relationship ended but it was the same for my current one. I guess I just found someone I was attracted to and found that they were approachable.if a guy loves you he'll commit if he hasn't fallen for you all the way that he won't commit it's that simple. it took me months to commit to my wife because I didn't know really how I felt for her until she confronted me about it and I had to make some choices. 3 years later we're married.
If a girl is equally vunerable and shows she likes him. If she initiates texts and shows interest.
Not if when he is polite she acts serious and innocent whilst at the same time she acts far more energetic and sexual round someone who cares less.
See this: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a27854-woman-hears-the-exact-same-thing-from-two-guys-but-she-reactsI think you and she are both right. Its attraction and vulnerability (although I'd call it availability) but there's also *timing* When I guy decides it's time he got married, the gets married to the closest available girl that's a halfway decent fit.
Otherwise, perfection won't do it.that´s like asking "what makes a girl want to fuck a guy" ... it´s the wrong question. you intention shouldn´t be to make the other do what you like but to get together and just do the things you´d both like to do.
vulnerability doesn't draw a guy in... it sends those not willing to commit running away.
but yes, it's essential. mutual vulnerability is what allows a couple to build trust.Not really lol Ima neber go "exclusive" till I loose my prime ha
If she is attractive and has a good personality. Those two traits are more difficult than you'd think to find in one person together.
For me it's simple, love
at my age i dont want to commit but if i were she would have to be something special. young, hot, little sexual experience and not a mouthy bitch.
How do you define commitment? Exclusivity? Marriage? Monogamy?
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