How do you eliminate sexual tension between married coworkers that is so thick you could cut it with a knife?

[Anonymous]

So I have an issue at work that I need some help dealing with.

There is this guy a few years older (married with kids) who has always on and off lightly flirted with me. I ignore him because I'm married as well. We work in the same department so I need to maintain a professional relationship with him.

Over the past couple of months he has begun flirting much more intensely with me. I have told him to knock it off and even brought up his wife. I of course bring up my husband in conversation and always say "we" when referring to my personal life as to not send any mixed messages.
So what's the problem aside from a pain in the ass? For whatever reason I have now become immensely attracted to him. I honestly don't even think I like this man on an emotional level but I want him sexually. The sexual tension between us now is so thick I can barely look at him with feeling weak in the knees. I can actually feel his presence when he is near by but out of sight. I can feel when he is coming around a corner or out of a closed door room. It's crazy. I've never experienced this before and I need to figure out how to stop it.

I am not going to act on these feelings but I can not figure out how to make it stop. I litterally say to myself "ok today you will avoid him at all costs and feel nothing". But then BAM I'm bumping into him like everywhere and getting all wobbly and heated. Just seeing him instantly makes me melt. I am frustrated because I am finding this situation distracting on both personal and professional levels. I am a fairly dominant person so maybe the thrill of someone being persistent with me turns me on? I'm still trying to figure out my trigger so I can shut it down or try to bring it into the bedroom with my husband. Part of me also wonders if this is all just in my head or between my legs.

[Anonymous]

Wow.. I am in almost the same position you are in. Except he is the only married one. Mine has been going on for 13 years. We have never acted on it. We both have feelings for each other... deep feelings. It is so hard sometimes. I just try to keep things on a friend level. But when he looks at me... I melt also.

[Asker]

The melting is what is driving me nuts. I have noticed lately that he had been keeping his distance more... maybe he can sense it and scared himself. He stopped sitting next to me in every meeting and when others are around he ignores me more now. We are both executives so even if we were both single it would ruin or professional lots to get involved. But give him a minute alone with me and sheesh.

[Opinion Owner]

This guy worries about me a lot. He worries about me going to the gym so early in the morning... that I will get attacked or something. His wife works down the street from my gym. Early one morning around 4 her workplace got broken into. He came the next day and told me the first thing he thought of... was me being at the gym at that time. Things like that makes it so hard not to love him.

[Asker]

That's a tough one. You sound like you have a strong emotional connection to him. I think get can happen when you work closely with someone. You know the whole work spouse thing. Luckily for me I have a work WIFE! Lol same sex work marriages. Though I must admit my work wife has picked up on this man sniffing around and dies not like it. I think the only option for you is to leave your job and get away from him. It will be painful as hell but it will help to clear your mind. For me I'm not emotionally attached to this guy... I just need to figure out how to neutralize him!

[Opinion Owner]

I am not about to give up this job. We've done this for 13 years... I can handle it.

[douride2]

Tell him your not interested & to just fuck off & leave you alone or you can report him to management for sexual harassment.

[abundantlyrich]

Is he really physically hot or just an ugly guy who is emotionally seductive?

[Asker]

He is attractive enough but honestly my husband is far more attractive. He has been nipping at heels for at least 2 years. I never paid him much mind but some how he broke through to me over the past few months. He is like a weird silent observer of me and when he gets me alone he says things to me about how I look or smell but not in a creeper kind of way. Kind of funny kind of flirty. He also talks to me in a softer tone than he does other people. As soon as some else comes by he backs off.

[abundantlyrich]

But only your husband isn't as emotionally arousing as him eh lol

Tell you this, you can play it along woth him then tell him oh you just kidding cos your too in love with hubby to be swayed by him 😝

[slimstiffy]

Well this is not gonna work. you will have to choose him or your family. best would be to quit your job.

[Asker]

I coose my family. I certainly can't leave my job as I am the primary breadwinner. What could I do to put this guy off? I want him not attracted to me. What could I do to make that happen? I've thought about telling him to stay away from me unless we have something to work on together. Or just be honest with him and tell him it's not worth ruining both of our families just for a few minutes of fun. Just address the elephant in the room?

[slimstiffy]

Yeah. Talk to him.
If you were a guy i would say rub one off before you go talk. That will give you a clear mind devoid of sexual feelings. But i dont know if that will work for a woman.. For all i know it could backfire and make you hornier...
Anyway, i would alsi suggest builfing back sexual feelings for your husband. Have more sex with him. Then maybe the coworker will go off your mind