Moving in together is a bad idea and statistics show it results in more breakups and more divorces if the couple does eventually marry.
There are many hypotheses why, but most researchers agree it causes couples to marry that otherwise wouldn't because of the intimacy living together creates. Not that intimacy is bad of course, but the intimacy won't last if it isn't with a person who has similar life goals and beliefs.
The purpose of dating is to find out if the other person is the right person to spend your life with. Once you know they're the wrong person you break up, and when you know they're the right person you start bringing your lives together, i. e. getting married, living together, have kids, start a business, whatever it is you plan on doing with your lives together.
Moving in before marriage creates a state of limbo where you're starting to bring your lives as well as personal assets together, but you're not yet sure if that person is the right person. The rush of all the new sex can be amazing, but you may wake up in 1 or 2 years and realize this person isn't who you thought they were. Maybe they're not a bad person, just not right for you.
I have a female coworker who moved in with her boyfriend and now they've been together 4 years. She's unhappy but can't just move out because they have a mortgage together and because he is part of the reason she has full custody of her kids. She told me this because we went on a few dates before finally telling me she was not single.
Of course you can do whatever you want. Not saying it can't work. Maybe she is the right oerson for you. I find older women extremely sexy. I'd date a 35yo over a 25yo any day. However I think you're better of being the leader in the relationship and letting who know its a bad idea in the long run. She may be upset initially, but if she's the right person for you I guarantee she will respect and be even more attracted to you for it.
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1. Don't leave clothes all over the place.
2. Whoever cooks does not have to do the cleaning up.
3. Do your share of the housework.
4. Do not spend all your time playing video games.
5. Don't sponge off her. You need to contribute to the household costs.
I do not know what you do and don't do now but those are some big ones.
I would recommend being with someone that is on the same cleanliness level as you - I am messy and its just a pain in the ass having to be immaculate 24/7 cause my partner is the cleaning queen. I don't understand how DISHES can destroy love and patience so easily! hah
I never realized how much I liked seeing my boyfriend angry until we moved in together. You loose some of that initial passion, so I am guilty of intentionally causing conflict once in a while. Make-up sex time!
Let your partner watch their weird tv shows. Get yourself a separate mode of entertainment or get creative in your own space. You will be grateful you don't have much in common as alone time is vital.
Expect revenge if you prioritized gaming or the internet over your partners 'come to bed' calls.
The quickest way to get your partner to fancy you again is to laugh at something or with someone that isn't them.
Expect your partner to walk in on you showering and talk about random stuff. You will no longer be able to have deep reflective bathroom moments unless you specifically request them.
Masturbation is now a stealth exercise. No need to hurt your partner or make them feel inadequate with your weird porn taste.
You will really love the good times but absolutely hate the bad times as you don't have your own house to escape too.
These are light-hearted but its a big test on respect and patience to move in together. It can make or break the relationship depending on how willing each of you is to adapt.
I would not move in so soon. I got a place with my ex after 6 months and our relationship started going downhill quickly. He was not telling me the things that bothered him until months later and would act like an ass instead opening his mouth.
Of course I know nothing about her but where is the relationship going? Is it going towards marriage or are you just waiting to see what happens?
Breaking up once you live together will be VERY hard. I am speaking from first hand experience with that.
First, and foremost: Don't leave the toilet seat up, because if you do, this might happen:
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/.../2000
Okay... its an exaggeration, but you get the point.
Help her with chores as well. It will get the job done faster.
You can cook dinner and breakfast on some days of the week, especially if she isn't feeling well.
You can do your fair share of paying the bills, food, gas etc.
To fulfill all her sexual desires. Lol. Women in their 30's are at their sexual peak. #boytoy.
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It's a big step to move in with someone else for the first time. You'll have to compromise some things you do, and so does she. We all got habits good and bad, which we all do, some we don't really reflect on (for example i have a habit of leaving doors open. Like cabinet doors or bedroom doors etc). You should try to discuss this more with your partner, have she lived with anyone else in the past? You could try talking about different habits you both have, it's a good way to get to know someone as well 😊 But be sure to try to make her home, into your home. You'll both be living there, and if you want your relashionship to evolve and that you'll stick together, she needs to let you in and you need to take some space? It's not good if you feel like you're not sharing the place, but rather you're just a guest, after months of living together
- A loss of the communication necessary toward building a healthy foundation for a lasting marriage, due to taking each other for granted.
- A loss of concern about sexual mores, which will set you up for further dissatisfaction in the future.
- Getting defensive any time you read a statistic against cohabiting - even paranoid about the religious implications, even if the publisher never mentions religion.
- She will get similarly defensive - or worse.
- Family will either badger you about her, or ignore you when you need help, thinking you'll be fine because of her.
- Sunk-cost fallacy will prevent you from seeking help if there's a problem in the relationship. Especially if things turn toxic.
- Over time, it will be only ever about sex. Or that one other thing she wants from you. There won't be any real love to begin with, and the infatuation will fade.
- She will probably cheat. Or you will. If you do, you're a monster, according to everyone. If she does, you're a monster and drove her to it, according to everyone.
My advice: don't do it.Friction if you don't communicate or if one of you is a bit on the ocd/anal retentive side, otherwise as long as you can both maintain communication and are able to live together but also have separate lives (to some degree) you should be fine. The sperate lives remark was reffering to the fact that some times you just spend to much time with a person so in order to let the relationship breath you need to be able to do your own thing and then come back together with new insights experiences etc otherwise its to the point where you have heard everything they have to say, had all the same experiences etc. That can put a strain on things. But its pretty easy to do so long as you are aware of it, just don't spend to much time apart otherwise you become roomates instead of a couple.
I would only move in with her if you are pretty sure this is marriage material.
Having lived with a girl for 2 years in the past, I have some tips.
Establish some personal space/time. Everyone needs SOME of it, it can be a night out with friends, a room or something as little as an hour reading alone at night, but I think too many people move in together and suffocate each other (out of good intentions). Also, keep doing dates/ adventures, it can be too easy to 'chill and netflix'' too much now, set aside time and make plans to still go out! Lastly, moving in together, to me, is the ultimate test of respect. Learning to both respect your partner and have them respect you is the real trial here. you will have to give on some things out of respect to her, but she should also give on some things out of respect to you. Just do your best to keep it equal and going both ways!You should expect trouble. She is 35 and you are 26 the age difference is very significant. What do you do for a living what does she do for a living? Who pays for what? Cohabitation is rough and even worse when you are so young and she is so much older than you. Is this the girl you want to marry? Why does she want you to move. Does she have another agenda? Are you a love? If you're not in love don't move in. I doubt you're in love. I strongly recommend not moving in with her
The only real thing I can say about this situation, is being closer to her age I can say with some authority that your viewpoints in life will be different. She as at a much different place in her life, than you are. Even more so if she has been divorced.
I'm all for people moving in and learning to be together and be a happy unit. But just don't be surprised if there is a life experience difference. Also, women in their mid to late 30 start playing a lot less games and are really a lot more honest about what they want. So you have that working for you.
Other than that... Just be present. Listen to what she has to share with you. And don't be too macho to share what you are thinking and feeling.Drama, nagging, and entitlement. Especially from an over-28 woman.
Why would you bother with a woman that old? I understand if you just want easy ass until something better comes along, but this many months something better should have come along by now.Take what I say with a grain of salt, because I'm not speaking from personal experience. This is secondhand experience from friends that went through the situation.
Short term. Expect to enjoy it a lot. It'll be like reliving the honeymoon phase of your relationship all over again and probably with more sex... Long term. Expect to regret moving in. Because you will see all the little things in her personality that bother you. If things go well she may or may not see this as a step in pushing you towards marriage or sees moving in as a way to lock you down, because she's feeling insecure and that insecurity will shine through. Seldom does moving in together lead to a happy, strong relationship longterm. I've seen multiple friends go through this and it's ended badly every time.She is 35 and single.
The sound of her ovaries counting down to zero is keeping her awake at night. That is prime baby rabies time.
She is working up to wanting marriage and a baby, soon. . . very soon. She is running out of time rapidly.Expect a lot, a long list of a lot... i'd recommend no because sometimes should drama pop off, you've got nowhere else to go but abide in a tension-riddled environment and thats not good. Also, she could boss you around since technically, it IS her place.
Expect to notice her little annoying habits and quirks. Expect to see her when she's not at her best, including when she just wakes up, when she's sick, and when she's had a bad day at work and decides to eat an entire pint of ice cream. And DON'T expect her to do all the cleaning just because she's a girl (speaking from experience here).
In the end, think hard about whether you're ready for this.alot' of arguing over who does the dishes and TV remote (i. e. what to watch). She'll probably have the larger closet space and pretty much all the bathroom counter space/drawers. Women are cleaner but can be pretty messy when it comes to clothes. I swear most women have random piles of clean clothes or draped over a chair in the room.
This will either make or break your relationship pretty damn' fast. You have to be able to let little things that annoy you go.Never (!) move in with her. It'll always be her place and you kinda also live there. If you want to move in together then find a new place, put both your names on the lease etc etc. otherwise it's going to be her place, her rules. And I can't see that being much fun for you... good luck x
DO NOT EVER MOVE IN WITH A WOMAN. Geez, you wanna lose your balls - move in with a chick, in her house, and she can be the boss. Right.
You need to read this: therationalmale.com/2011/10/06/shacking-up/Wrll, what do you want to expect?
Expect some free unrestrained hardcore banging, and from then on a lot of emotional bull shit, and problems!
Lol.
Life together ain't easy, you just have to be sure you love her enough to take the bs.
Expect your normal relationship, and bs levels to rise between 2x and 200x.Expect fights, silly little fights about trash, groceries, and anything you can imagine. But that doesn't matter cause what comes after a fight is the "I am sorry I was such a psycho bitch" sex.
Best. Sex. Ever.I moved a guy into my house that I was dating for 9 mos... keep in mind, he moved into my place. It was hell, we clashed & broke up! Simple things become big things when you're stuck in your liveable ways. When he was trying to sleep, I was up cleaning, working out, (night owl). When he left his clothes in bathroom, I fussed but realized... I do it @ times. It was a lot of; why u done this, who does that... ugggh buuuut Didn't matter... My place, My rules! I would say, move into a place together with both your names on lease, because @ her place, the stage is set for her. Always keep a Plan B place to go if things get too overwhelming! Then again, if it's just a boytoy fulfillment, she probably can't careless what u do as long as you're laying it down right... lol Guess it all comes dwn to "the foundation your relationship was built on" I'm just saying...
You can expect things to be great for a while and then over about 5-6 months things will progressively get worse and worse until you break up. Just kidding, but seriously. It'll be a major test for your relationship. Please, don't have a baby until at least a year after moving in together to make sure there's stability between the two of you.
A lot of drama, period pain, problems and seeing her true colors. On the bright side, you can just move right out once you see how bad it will be.
Beware that she will do her best to keep up appearances for as long as possible but do not be fooled!That's dope dude I'm currently seeing a 32 year old chick and I'm 23 but you know having the chance to move in with her I'd take the chance
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