so me and my boyfriend have been seeing each other for 6 months. he's 25 I'm 22. we say 'i love you' to one another. he's never been overly sweet. if I say I miss you then he'll say it back and if I ask him stuff like "are you happy or do you think you're lucky" he'll answer yes. occasionally he says i look pretty, etc. but that's it. he never tells me he loves spending time with me or that he loves my eyes/smile/etc. like past ex's have done. he DOES treat me well. he takes me out, he texts when he's out at the bar, if there's a problem in the relationship he'll talk to me about it but verbally it seems like I mean nothing to him and its really frustrating because I'm a VERY verbal person. often he only brings up the problems he has with me rather than the things he likes.
i've talked too him about this before and he says that he does feel that way towards me but he's not good with words which I understand because not many guys are. but I feel as though if you FEEL it you'll know how to say it verbally. so I'm worried that he may not even feel those sweet things towards me.
what do you think? please let me know.
let me remind you that by actions he does treat me well and show he cares but the fact that he doesn't say anything sweet makes me think that he doesn't feel it. (yea...i repeated myself lol)
thanks for the answers but I do want to remind everyone that I HAVE brought this up before. he says he'll try but that he just doesn't know how to say it...and if I say something he'll agree but that's about it!
- It's not fair that you're comparing him to your ex's- the past is the past.
- It's very common for men to not be verbal in relationships
- You're overreacting
Check this out:
- You know he treats you well
- He takes you out (interacts with you)
- He calls you when he is in a situation that potentially could bother you (Shows loyalty)
- He'll bring up the problems in the relationship (Showing that he is fighting for you)
So what I'm saying by all that information, is that if you NEED the verbal treatment instead of the action; go ahead and find the guy that gives you that (Not trying to be rude)... But if you are happy in your current relationship, you can voice your concern but I doubt you will see any progress soon.
Just be glad you were lucky enough to find a good man. Lots of my friends on here are always talking about finding the "good guy".. But really, what do words do for you? They give you reassurance. Just like actions give you reassurance.
I think he likes you, and knows the proper way to treat a girl, but isn't in love with you. You need to start pretending your not so interested in him, and like you've got plenty of other options besides him. Don't get too crazy with that, but don't ever let him feel like your no challenge at all or he'll lose his lust for you.
Do you know how many guys actually say I love you to girls but don't actually act like if they do? You take one of the areas he is not comfortable with and make a big deal out of it. I love my girlfriend to death but we are currently in different countries with a 7 hours time difference. No need to say that it's really hard for us to communicate and I'm note even a big fan of talking on the phone for hours but then again I love to write for her so she knows how I feel about her all the time.
Love comes in different sizes, shapes and flavors so you have to learn to appreciate more what you have and stop focusing on details to the point that the become giant insecurities ... and please, trust the love this poor guy has for you a little bit more.
You may as well condemn a blind man for not seeing, a deaf man for not hearing, or a mute man for not talking. Some people just aren't that great with these things. Just because spoken word is one of your love languages, easily expressed, does not mean it's the same for him, or that you should hold him to it, as if it were.
So what if he doesn't say anything sweet? Being supportive, affectionate and treating you well is saying, "I care about you" loud and clear. Would you rather he cake you with compliments and treat you like crap after?
some guys don't like to express their feeling much... I know plenty of guys like that and I also know a few guys (like my gf's brother) who is sometime to sweet with his own girlfriend I feel like ill get diabetes lol
My husband is the same way. My advise is to pay closer attention to his actions. Guys do subtle things that women don't always realize right off. These things are them saying I love you, your hair smells good, you look great, etc.
If you notice him looking at your boobs, rear, legs, face, etc... "You look beautiful" is what he's thinking.
When he opens a door for you he's saying, "You're important to me"
If he leans his face into your hair when you hug he's thinking "Your hair smells great"
Holding your hand, "I love you and I never want to let go".
For guys to keep their 'Machoness' they do subtle things. No normal guy is going to be saying these things constantly and no honest girl would rather have someone that tells her constantly but does nothing for her.
There is an old saying which I'm sure you've heard:
Actions speak louder than words.
Pay attention to those actions. He puts thought into doing them for you and then the effort to go through with it. It sounds like you have a very sweet guy he'd just rather show you than tell you.
If a man is into you, he's into you. You want to pay attention to what he does, and not necessarily what he says. He treats you well and shows that he cares for you, so why do you need the constant affirmation? It's great that you are verbally expressive but not everyone is like that. You cannot expect people to act as you do. If this is not something that he is capable of characteristically, then you might want to think about whether or not this is something that you can overlook, compromise on, and not put pressure on him about.
Flattery can be a form of deceit. there are many men out there that KNOW what a woman wants to hear and says it while their actions prove to be exactly opposite of what they think. Appreciate the fact that you have a good boyfriend that SHOWS you how he feels.
A lot of guys really suck at this. Paying more attention to his actions is a good idea, but I can't be with a guy if he never lets me know that he likes it. I would try to emphasize to him that you aren't expecting poetry or something; you just need to know when he's feeling good about being with you. Tell him it can be short and about small things and seemingly trivial to him, but that you'd still like to hear it.
i think you should tell him that since he doesn't share his feelings a lot, you feel like ur not important. so tell him to at least TRY to say some things sweet. it doesn't have to be all the time, just every now and then say what's on his mind to show that he cares. I can see how he's not very open, because a lot of guys aren't! some don't like talking about their feelings at all, as to girls, they share their feelings around the clock! I can see what you mean about how if he feels the same way he should know what to say though. so just tell him to try and be a little more open.
First don't compare your relationship now to your previous relationships(don't forget that everyone is different). It is a good thing that he treats you well however if this really bothers you let him know tell him straight up that you would like to be complimented. Afterall he is able to bring up the problems he has with you.
Look into The 5 Languages of Love. Everyone loves in their own way. You can take a test and find out what your style is, maybe have him take it, then compare and discuss. My love language is "words of affirmation", yours probably is also. In order for us to feel loved or liked, we must hear the person say it. Or say the certain things, that in our opinion means they love/like us. Only we know exactly what those are. Because if we vaguely tell our sig other that we want him to say nice things, what he thinks is nice or what he thinks we think is nice, may not be what we're/you're actually wanting to hear.
But some important words of wisdom, because I just went through 2 years of that and broke up with my boyfriend 2 days ago because of similar issues, your guy most likely won't change. If he never said nice things, not even in the beginning, he never will. He won't change. Most guys don't, especially when it comes to things us girls need or want more of. It's like they're incapable, no matter how many times we bring it up or tell them, they won't change. But I totally understand how you feel. But don't put up with it if it makes you unhappy and don't let him try to convince you that something is wrong with you because you need and want that. Know that he won't change and if you're unhappy get out now instead of waiting 2 years for him to change cuz it doesn't happen. Good luck!
I think everyone has a defect and I guess that's his that he doesn't know how to say it as long as he treats you good and your comfortable that's what matters.
Its great that he checks in and tells you if he has a problem, because not many guys do that now and days. Just be happy yours does. Anyway, talk to him about this, tell him how you fell about not being praised. Maybe he will start to say more things to make you feel comfortable. But remember that you really have nothing to worry about since he treats you well. Like I said, just talk to him and let him understand that you aren't the needy 24 ,7 girl friend that some crazy girls are. That could be a total turn off to him. Instead just tell him but say it would be nice for him to tell you why he likes you and to give you compliments.