How to tell my parents about my older boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

so last year i met my boyfriend. he's 42 and I'm 19 now. when we first met i didn't tell my parents but they found out. they were super protective and pulled me out of college and told me not to text him or see him. i texted him secretly and saw him twice out of the 6 months i was with my parents before i left them for good. i moved to where he lives and we're really happy now. my parents weren't happy when i left and they cut me off completely but my dad came to see me last week and he perfectly fine with me being where i am now but he thinks my boyfriend and i are just friends cause i said we were and i had one of my guy friends cover as my boyfriend. my sister is fine with me and him being together cause she says age is just a number and if i love someone then i shouldn't care what people think. how do i tell my parents that I'm with my boyfriend again without them cutting me off again?

Updates

+1 y

for anyone that says I'm stupid or this is disgusting I've tried being with guys my age or a few years older and all they did was lie cheat and abuse me mentally and physically. he's the only man that has never hit me lied to me or cheated on me.

[DaniaMQ]

Look. I understand that u may have fallen for him and I really do understand that guys our age can be jerks, not all of them though. You should puck a good guy. Maybe its your choice for the guys you go? I'm not blaming u for what happened dont get me wrong.

But listen to me. You are only 19. So young. He is 42. Like your dad basically. That quote of age is just a number honestly is BS. Its more than just a number. After 10 years you will be 29 and he will be 52. Do you really want to live with a guy with that much of a gap? Its will make looooooots of conflicts. The guy will be really old and u will still be young. Now u are blinded with love. U will be like yes I will live with him cause I love him but after 5 years of marriage oh boy... I promise u wouldn't say the same. However, I'm not gonna say you are stupid coz you aren't. Nor is he stupid. I'm just telling u what I think. Its gonna be super hard to convince your parents and I honestly don't know if there will be a way to convince them since it will be hard. But think of all of this well, shut down love for a second and use your logic not emotions. Good luck with everything!

[Intraluminal]

Exactly. If we lived forever and didn't age, age would just be a number. But we DO age, and we DON'T live forever. Age affects us AND the people around us. Pretending otherwise is just that - pretending.

[DaniaMQ]

@Intraluminal exactly!! If we lived forever that not a problem at all, ut like you said. We don't. And its not like a 10 years difference, its a 24 years difference for Gods sake

[WillowTree]

I understand your parents. Just tell them and deal with the consequences of your actions. I'm going to be real with you. Relationships like yours have very little chance of surviving the long haul because as you grow up, mentally and physically, your interest and desires change. Your motivation, priorities, and needs as a woman change. Everything I used to care about 10 years ago (including people) has completely altered in ways I never expected with the flow of life. I know you don't want to hear it but you need to. In 10 years, I hope he's $till worth it.

[Hanjheo]

At the age you're at, I understand why they're being protective. If you were a little older, still with the same age gap, it wouldn't matter as much but only because you're still in school. There is a lot of stigma around dating an older man with that large of an age gap at your age but still doable. Honesty is the best way to go but at this point, easing them into it would be the best way instead of bringing it all up at once.

[Asker]

i was in college and they pulled me out of it

[Hanjheo]

I'm not agreeing with their actions but I understand why they were protective.

[Intraluminal]

Even if she was 40 the age gap would be too big.

[Hanjheo]

@Intraluminal 23 years isn't too big when you're older. I know marriages that were successful with 30 and 40 years age gaps

[Intraluminal]

You're kidding! How? I mean that seriously.

[Hanjheo]

@Intraluminal They just loved each other enough to grow on their own before being together

[xbutterflykissesx]

Honestly hun it is upto you who you date a lot of parents are unsupportive of who we date my dad was cool with my now husband my mom can't stand him because he won't put up with her sh** of trying to be in control and tell him whats right from wrong even though she's always in the wrong

[ak666]

Why'd you use a guy friend as a cover? Bad idea.

I think you should just let them cut you off if you're really into this guy. They might come around if you two, say, get married.

My father didn't like my wife and cut me off only because the first time we met him, we were both a bit tipsy. I was just like, "Fine, cut me off, good riddance."

Later after we got married without my father, he came to eventually hear the news. He then finally made an effort to reach out and contact me, and he actually loved my wife soon after he gave her a chance beyond a first impression. She remembered his jacket which he forgot and almost left at a restaurant, and that changed his mind from thinking she was a crass woman to an awesome wife in one swift action.

After that we had a second wedding party which included my father where he the chance to give his blessing. Maybe it can work out for you like that, but you'll have to just let them cut you off if you want to be honest, stay with this guy, and they can't give in.

[ak666]

In my case my father disapproved of my wife since he was this super old school traditional Japanese guy who believed all women should be housewives, that sort of thing. My wife was an independent career woman at the head of her company, and also prone to be a fun-loving type who likes to drink with me. He didn't like her at all on first impression, but he's very fickle.

[Anonymous]

I mean telling your parents your fucking someone who's almost their age isn't gonna go over well. Cause for the most part only pedophiles would date a girl that much younger than them. Like honestly not trying to be cruel or insensitive you should be watching out for yourself cause it is not right for any man to feel ok with doing that, he does not have the pure intentions you think he does. I understand guys at our age can be assholes but this is not a smart alternative. Just think
About if you ever had kids... that would be a weird thing you'd have to explain to them and I garentee you they would get made fun of for it.

[Asker]

but I'm not gonna have kids

[Opinion Owner]

I mean its your life do with it what you want, and I understand guys around our age can be assholes but if your gonna go older maybe look for a guys who's 24 to 28 or so! Like lets just say hypothetically it works out between you two. he would be 83 when you are 65 and getting ready to retire. If he's alive at that age there's a good chance he would be in a nursing home you wouldn't get the chance to grow old with hime because he will be growing old while you are still in the prime of your life! and then after he dies that would leave you single at age 65 or 70 (just guessing) all by yourself with no kids... Like I said do what you want its your life but just understand it is a very very difficult road you would be going down.

[Opinion Owner]

Or when all else fails go with the "rule book" minimal dating age for a 42 year old guy (age/2 +7) = 28 year old girl. for you maximum dating age (age - 7) X 2= 24 year old guy!

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

Tricky one. Sometimes I get leery of these older dogs. I know there are women his age he could be working, they're the ones who need him the most. Have you asked him why he dates so young? Consider what he might do when you approach that age. Are you absolutely certain you're ready for this? Is your attraction based on love? Do you know enough about him? Does he love you? Do you know what love is? Is it all lust?

Reason I press is this is what's going through your parents' minds. They put a lot of work into you and they don't want to see you hand yourself over to a man who, for lack of a better word, "preys" on younger women. I had a relative who took a 27 yr old wife at 70 or so because his previous wives kept dying of "natural causes". Dude isn't to well liked by women in my family when discussed.

But, as always, love conquers all. Even love of your parents. Be honest with them about your intentions to at least try and alleviate their fears. Your parents will probably have to meet this guy.

[Asker]

he loves me more than any guy I've been with and I'm not gonna go find another guy that hits me again. he waited for me and didn't do anything with any women while i didn't see him for 6 months. I'm the only young woman he's ever fallen in love with. his ex fiancé cheated on him when he was younger and his ex wife turned out to be gay. any other guy I've been with said they loved me but it was just lust cause they only wanted my body. he doesn't need to do anything with me all the time we can just lay around and do nothing and he's ok with that. he always says if we break up he's not gonna date or ever get married again. if he didn't love me he would pressure me to tell my parents cause he doesn't want to lie about us anymore.

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

NO MAN, OF ANY AGE, should strike a girl of any age. I swear, I wish women would just step aside and let good men do a little late in life "teaching" with these perps. An assault by evil men on other women is an assault on us, idiot is making our lives harder. Your father better not be one of them.

Okay, rant over. That being said, he sounds a little suspicious to me. I still advise having him meet your parents. And trusting in your parents judgement, you have a better rapport with them than him as far as I'm concerned. And if he's any kind of man, he'll understand that, actually, be relieved by it. If not, I'd turn to your parents for guidance. They still care for you if you still want them in your life. It might work out better than you expected.

[Asker]

what do you mean he sounds a little suspicious?

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

That you mention he's "okay" with doing nothing with you around. I'd think he'd want to be all over you when you're in the room. Or that he's never going to date anyone ever again outside of you, I don't believe that, he's dating you since his last ex, isn't he? If he didn't love you, he WOULDN'T pressure you to tell him about your parents. If he loved you, he'd be so smitten with you he'd want to know everything about you. That would include your upbringing. What better way than to meet your parents?

[Barrabus_the_Free]

"they're the ones who need him the most"

So HIS needs and desires don't matter, only those of women, is that what you're saying?

Maybe he prefers younger women that aren't yet full of anger, hate, and bitterness? After being pumped and dumped for a decade or two, women get a nasty attitude (like they didn't bring it on themselves by dating scumbags, but hey, whatever). I won't bother with women over 28 unless they're SUPER laid back. Those are also SUPER rare.

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

@Barrabus_the_Free See, how about a big f*** you, yeah? Read what I said carefully, then get your own d*** fixation post in another question. This isn't about a poor, helpless, vulnerable 42 yr old man being exploited by younger women. Those women have pick of the litter at that age and unfortunately, they do often have to go up a few years to find someone who is compatible with their development, like maybe 4 years, not 20+. I'm sure a 42 yr old man can take care of his own needs without the help of girls half his age.

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

And dam you for not speaking out for what is right.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

I think you're just pissed because YOU can't pull a 19 year old.

It's not that hard. I've done it. I'm not quite 42 yet, but still. Mad props to the guy in the post.

Maybe instead of acting like a twat, YOU read what you said? Those old women are the ones that need him... who gives a shit what THEY need? If he doesn't want them, he doesn't want them. I don't blame him. Have you SEEN a 42 year old woman? Yuck.

If he can keep the interest of a woman half his age, he's doing something right.

[Asker]

@Barrabus_the_Free I'm full of hate and anger for sure cause I've been stupid enough to try and date guys that are around my age that abused me and cheated on me. he's the one man thats always been there for me no matter what i was going through

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Hey if you read my responses, I support what you're doing. If he's what you're looking for, who is anyone else to judge?

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

@Barrabus_the_Free No dude, shut your f***ing mouth. Don't preach to me about the game you don't have. THE f***ing fact that you said "who gives a s*** what older women need", screams of YOUR resentment and YOUR disability. You were rejected by these women throughout your 20s and you're trying to make up for lost time due to your lack of maturity. These same women who you hate were in their 20s too and didn't give you the time of day, F*** you, snake. God I'd love to face with you now.

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

@Barrabus_the_Free You don't know what is right, pray we don't meet.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Oh look, another internet badass. LMAO

Yeah, those old women didn't want me in their 20's... I was married at the time, so I wouldn't know.

I don't hate anyone. I won't give them that kind of power over me. But it's obvious that you hate yourself and all other men, since you consider them nothing more than utilities to what a woman wants/needs, and you are jealous that a guy in his 40s can get a woman that's not 20 yet.

Whatever man. Have fun with that. I'll continue to laugh at your pathetic little self.

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

@Barrabus_the_Free You have no high hround here.

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

@Barrabus_the_Free Ahh, married, the source of your resentment revealed. Keep disclosing more details. Let something slip.

[Anonymous]

Jeeze... I am only 24 and feel there are miles and miles between me and the 18 year olds I work with at night that hit on me... Some of them are hot for sure, but I honestly could not imagine having a meaningful connection with a girl that young... and I am only 6 years older, not 23!

Where the hell are you finding guys your age to date? I know they can be immature, but just because you aren't the best at picking them doesn't mean the only ones that will understand you are three generations older than you lol

[BigRed64]

Same! I'm 23 and whenever I go up and start conversation with a girl and find out she's 18 or 19 I feel like a little bit of a creep.

[neoagent1]

I wish I could help you. I've been seeing a woman that's 19 and I"m 38. She's going to be a vet. She's very very smart and I have enjoyed her company. I think she's an amazing woman unfortunately there is no long term potential. She plans on moving away in 2 years. I support her though cause it's her dream to be a vet. I met her parents and all her parents knew was that we are friends. I don't think her parents would cut her off like yours but she feels she has to hide anything more than friendship. She's so open minded sexually I can't get enough of her but I respect her wishes if she doesn't want to be sexual when she's with me.

[martyfellow]

There's something wrong with him. Sure he treats you well because he hesn't got a chance with most girls your age. But what happens when you get over 25?
And as soon as he finds another girl with insecurity/father issues, he will abandon you for her if she's younger.

[archiz]

he sounds like a predator and yes I find you stupid sry
for him to date means or he s completely immature and stupid
or a predator and wants to make you use.
either way he s worth than the guys you experienced before
I just thing you re sort off weak and went on with him cs you felt more secured.
a bit screwed up I have to say.

[archiz]

egh my typos are on point
want to make use of you **
worse**
think***

[martyfellow]

Finally a girl with an honest reply. All these others are Trump girls

[pooper89]

That's kinda messed up since you're essentially still a teenager. If you're happy though then fine. But you ARE going to get flack for this and not only from your parents so you'll have to accept that you will constantly have to deal with being judged and gossiped about

[Fusionpredz]

Not something I do. I get the whole one night stand thing, i'd be more than happier to sleep with an older women. But dating is a whole entire different aspect. If that's what you want that's fine, but I see how your parents don't approve. And if the lack of characteristic in men is all that's causing you to make this decision you should rethink, you have youth and still time to find someone better and more appropriate to your age

[Barrabus_the_Free]

You should be honest with them. They'll either accept it or they won't. That's THEIR problem, though.

And they may not accept it at first, but if you two are serious they most likely will eventually.

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Be up front with it. Tell them you're happy together, and you want them to understand that. If they aren't willing to accept your relationship, let them know you're willing to cut them out of your life again.

[wankiam]

your dad would probably be more upset to find out that you was lying to him. bout time you were just honest with your family. there is nothing wrong with an age gap

[MyThoLoGy]

Age is just a number... Ok have fun, just remember you'll lose your "lover '' at like 40 years old. GG

[Seawoman1]

there's an old saying young dumb and full cum he's to old for you

[Maik567]

Jesus christ talk about daddy issues...

Have you ever considered that there might be a reason why everyone is telling you this is stupid?

[SnatchFinderGeneral]

I don't see what's wrong. Especially if the guy is treating you well.

[Marinepilot]

What nationality are you? At 19 you're a grown woman. If he treats you well and respects you, and I presume that he does, who cares. I'd say enjoy your relationship. One doesn't get many shots at love, sound like this a chance for you.

[MoonlitSonata]

Reality check. Guys are human. We make mistakes. Younger guys are still learning no matter how much experience dating they have. How many guys your age have you dated? Maybe you dated the same kind of guy every time, and that's why nothing changed?

[abundantlyrich]

They are never going to approve. They think you are just his arm chair for him.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

More like he is the armchair hehe

[abundantlyrich]

@OrdinaryGentleman he's struck gold with her 😂

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Ehhh >_< yeah his ego will be oh so satisfied smh

[Anonymous]

That is really disgusting. He probably has a daughter or a niece your age... How disturbing.

[Asker]

his sons are 6 and 7 years younger than me. and I've met his whole family all the kids are way younger than me

[Opinion Owner]

How about relatives? You guys are at different stages of your life. You are barely starting your life and he is in the middle of his.

[Asker]

his nieces and nephew are way younger than me

[Opinion Owner]

Saw the update. Sorry that's happened to you but not all guys are like that. You have to choose them wisely not over 20 years older. It won't work out. I've had personal experience. But yes it's still disgusting

[Opinion Owner]

Of course he won't lie. He wants to get into your pants. Thats how older guys are. They make you think the world of them and once they have sex with you. They will get bored and leave.

[Asker]

he never asks for sex i have to be the one that wants it to do it. and even if i want to sometimes he doesn't and i respect that. he's perfectly fine laying around and doing nothing with me. he's never laid a hand on me. and if he got bored of me he would have messed around with other women while we were broken up. the only reason i did was he told me to but i shouldn't have cause younger men lie and cheat.

[Opinion Owner]

He is trying to look like the "perfect" man so he can get you where he wants you... And that's to manipulate and take advantage of you. That's what he's going to do no matter how nice or sweet he is. Those are his intentions. He is clearly not thinking straight by dating a 19 year old girl that's not even old enough to drink alcohol or get a rental car. Girl, he's 42 years old. He did mess around with other women and probably still is. He's treating you the way he is so you won't get suspicious.

[Asker]

bye felicia

[Opinion Owner]

Lmao bye little girl. Enjoy your grandpa.

[Opinion Owner]

& that pension check you'll get.

[front2back]

Just tell them about his great per$onality. I'm $ure they'll accept him after that.

[martyfellow]

Chuckle

[Fearless_banana]

Dude that's weird as fuck no 42 year old man that is dating a 19 year old girl is mentally sane.