Boyfriend broke up with me because of curfew, is that fair?

[Anonymous]

So basically, I hit rock bottom last summer when I lost a good job in corporate. I moved out of my parents house at 20, finished college at 21, and started working that very next month for a career I had interned with. I did all of that just to end up back home at 24. Now, I'm 25 and started dating an amazing guy. My parents have this beautiful thing called a "curfew", which leaves me with little to no time to spend with my boyfriend. I currently work as a receptionist for a nonprofit organization and the money is crap. I have benefits, 401K and paid vacation, but the salary is such crap that I find that I cannot afford to live on my own with a $600 a week salary in my state which the avarage one-bedroom is $1200. I also owe student loans and paying for my car. I also pay for my room at home (which I have no issues with) since I'm an adult. I just hate that I'm treated like a child.
My boyfriend is 28 years old, has a decent job and lives on his own. He offered me to live with him but I shot him down as I felt it was too soon to move in with someone. My parents call me when I'm out always, they want to know what we're doing at all times and they hate it if I say that I'm staying the night. As a matter or fact, my dad has banned me from staying the night with my boyfriend. I have to be home every night at 11pm. He'd take me out at 5pm on a Sunday and my mother is blasting my phone by 10 pm giving me the hour warning. My boyfriend is sick of it. He told me that it's hard to have a relationship with a "child" that I need to do something about my parents being overly protective. Mind you, I have a brother who's 19 and he's allowed at friends house whenever. I really love my boyfriend, but he's said that he's had enough. I'm hurt. I told my parents and both of them told me that he's not a good guy if he'd break up with me because of that and to focus on my career. I want to believe them but they're part of the problem. I can't have a normal dating/social life.

[meatballs21]

A lot of this situation is down to you.

You are letting your parents treat you like this. Demand to be treated like an adult if you don't like it, since adults don't stand for this kind of shit. My girlfriend lives at home and her parents don't mind what she does because they know she's an adult with her own life (and I can stay over whenever I like).

They might say their house, their rules. So fine, leave. I make roughly the same money as you right now, but without benefits, and I pay around half my salary on rent for a one bedroom place, same as you would end up doing. You've chosen not to do this.

Then there's the fact your boyfriend offered to let you move in. And you turned THIS down! This would have solved all your problems! Instead, you turned down a place to live and gave him a huge rejection in the process - not just of his offer of help, but also your lack of faith in the relationship as it currently stands. He steps up to help you out of a bad situation and you threw it back in his face. I'm not surprised he lost patience with that combined with your seeming determination to stay in a rut and just complain about it.

You have options, you've chosen not to exercise them.

[bryon]

Well of coarse they would assume their part of being at fault in breaking the two of you up. In fact they in my opinion are the primary cause of it with their constant busy body intent. While it does suck I can see the BF's grievances and to some degree agree with his issues. The part where he said your a child crossed the line thou. I get it that he is angry about the two of you not having uninterrupted time , but he doesn't get your obligation to keep the peace within the home as well. I have no doubt you had one heck of a time attempting to balance all that with him being butt hurt

[Anonymous]

I actually understand your situation.

These other comments are so close-minded. Some parents are just this way and no matter how much we "try to put our foot down", it's not possible. People need to get out of their own bubbles and open their minds. In some families, you aren't considered an "adult" until you are married and moved out with your husband.
Just how it is for some people. We can't just rebel against it. It ain't that easy.

I understand you because I had a curfew that was 8pm for most of my adult life. My boyfriend, however, never once complained. He completely understood my parents and brought me home on time ALWAYS. I love him dearly for that, even though I always felt so terrible. He would even leave social gatherings with me that early, lol. Love of my life.

Now look at his reward..
Now I am married and the biggest freak for him.

[Asker]

Omg, thank you for understanding! Everybody is so closed-minded regarding this situation and they don't physically live with my parents to know how they are. They are very strict and will make my life hell on earth if I tried to retaliate against them. It's just the reality of my situation right now. I just wish that my boyfriend would have had the patience to do what your now husband did. He just couldn't see past it and while I understood his frustration, he wanted this good girl and knew I fit that, I was raised a certain way with morals and he loved that, but now it's too much for him.

[Sara413]

Your parents are super unreasonable and controlling... you're paying rent so they should not have a say in where you go or what you do when you're not at home, let alone how late you stay out. Fuck man, 11 pm is an unreasonable curfew for a fucking 17 year old! And you're an adult!

That said, I'm sorry but I totally get where your boyfriend is coming from. To him, it feels like he's dating a teenager because he basically is. That shit would get real old real quick and most people wouldn't put up with it. Fair to you? No, but totally understandable and reasonable on his part.

[Soshy]

I don't blame him tbh. You need to put your foot down. The worst case scenario is your parents kicking you out and although you say you financially can't do it. I feel it is a blessing in disguise. You need your own space, more than likely for parents won't want to see you homeless and hopefully they will lighten up about the situation.

I Am 27 and I live at home. All my mum ever asks is for me to tell her what time I'm coming home. I don't have to return home if I don't want to, she just wants to be able to sleep at night knowing I'm safe.

[Asker]

It's not just my mother, it's my father too. He sees me as this helpless little girl and he didn't like my boyfriend from the getgo because he wasn't talking marriage right away. My family is old fashioned. They don't want to know that I'm sexually intimate with him and therefore against me staying the night with him. I've tried to talk to them but their attitude is "it's my house, my rules" but meanwhile, I'm buying their groceries and medication and im not too childish to do that but they want to regulate everything I do. I know my boyfriend had a reason but I just feel like he expected me to just speak up to my parents and possibly lose a relationship with them. It's hard.

[FitFreaky]

First off, your dad can not ban you from staying overnight at your boyfriends since you are an adult. Your parents need to back off. They should be able to have a mature conversation with you and understand you need to live your own life. I assume your looking for a better job. If you are not, start doing so.
Part of being an adult is making tough decisions--sometimes choosing between a bad and worse situation. Your situation is all too common in this overpriced realestate market and underpaid middle-lower class society. I suggest looking for a fellow professional as a roomate and split the rent with them. I agree it is not a good idea to move in right away with a new relationship. If you are doing everything you can to change your situation then your boyfriend should understand. If not, he is being a baby and should suck it up. If he dumps you because of it then you are better off. Good luck!

[singlebee]

Well you are torn between you parents being overprotective and you not able to spend time because of your job...

Hmmm at this point either your boyfriend has to be either understanding of your gotta do something about it but eventually you're parents are the freedom why he is braking up..

I mean they don't allow you to normally dorms time with your boyfriend even in Sundays... Then in that case any guy will eventually get tired of their behavior..

And I don't understand why your are letting your parents control you so much when you are 25 year old or above..

[MrAssHat]

um 25 with curfew? id leave you just because how stupid that sounds

[Asker]

That's a very stupid reason.

[MrAssHat]

then why are you asking peoples opinion if your just going to closed minded to anything you dont want to hear?

[Asker]

It's not my fault that they are old fashioned. Everyone is basically pointing fingers at me instead of giving me a solution.

[MrAssHat]

ok what culture does ur family take part in? because yes some cultures will do things like this.. like koreans.. they are fucking bastards lol

[Asker]

My family is not Asian at all. We're Caribean descent from Barbados. My parents both got married very young and wonder why, at 25, I'm not married yet.

[Asker]

My dad jokes around and calls me an old maid. However, I look like I'm about 18 and people assume I'm still a schoolgirl.

[MrAssHat]

hmm interesting.. ya just say fuck it and get a mail order husband.. your parents are nazi

[Asker]

But I can never get a husband if I don't date. That's my dilemma. They expect one thing but when I try to get that they tarnish the process.

[MrAssHat]

indians do it all the time.. arranged marriage.. or just get on social media and look for a decent looking guy who wants to get hitched haahhah

[Asker]

But I'm not desperate for marriage. This isn't the Middle Ages.

[MrAssHat]

then be an old maid like ya papa says hehehe

[ravel_six]

Everybody tells you the solution, that is: wake up!
Then you tell them they are stupid.

:))

[Nomad69]

That is the most retarded thing I have ever read. To bad just stay out past 11 or turn your phone off when you are with him. My parents have threatened to kick me out like 3 or 4 times and have never actually done it even when I was on drugs and arrested by the police one time, cause I told them straight I have no where else to go. That is some bs honestly poor boyfriend

[Anonymous]

I can't really blame him. Either you need to sit down with your parents and tell them this is ridiculous, or find a room mate. I'd say this even if you didn't have a boyfriend. You're not a child, you should not have a curfew. Are your parents going to ground you too? Take control of your own life.

[daitachixshineji4eva]

Your situation sounds like an ex of mines her parents always had her twin sister hang out with us we never had alone time and even if we tried and her twin sister would try to make alone time for us her parents would always send the twin sister back to us and i think he could of handled it better than he did but your parents need to get over themselves

[Carrion]

So they're giving you the "my roof, my rules" talk, eh?

Screw your parents. I say you should give them wedgies and show them who's boss. Even cut their allowance for a month. It always works.

[legalboxers]

excuse me? curfew? How old are you? I think its time you find someone who loves you, and run, not walk away from this situation. Dont invite them to the wedding, dont tell them about your child being born.

[cth96190]

Your parents are insame control freaks.
Dare I ask your race and religion?

[Jackblue]

Well a curfew at 25 is hardly a usual thing. Why is your brother allowed to go where he wants?

[Asker]

Because he's a guy.

[Jackblue]

Well that certainly makes it fair. Men commit crimes more than women and are also more likely to be murder victims. Men also have more sexual partners in a lifetime.

[Asker]

Okay?

[orphan]

rent a room.

one can be had out in LA for 400-600/month.

[orphan]

also... you live beyond your means if you're "paying off a car" with student debt, and live at home..

how backwards is that.

[Anonymous]

You are an adult. Disregard curfews. you can legally do what you want when you want. parents cannot stop you. Your ex likely got frustrated due to the fact you cannot live like an adult.

[Anonymous]

I wonder why the guy is still wasting time with a characterless woman, seeing as he seems to have a personality.

[Asker]

Characterless? Don't you think that's a bit much?

[Opinion Owner]

Since I have an hurricane personality, that's how it looks from my stand point :D

[Asker]

Okay... good to know.

[Anonymous]

You're an adult. Act like one? That's all I have to say really :/

[TheOneLol]

Honestly I would break up with you to for that. Deal with your parrents. Since you pay for the room fuck them they have no right to tell u anything or move out when u get a better job.

[Asker]

I've tried to negotiate with them. Truth is, they'll always use the "my house, my rules" slogan over me. My parents are also very old-fashioned.

[TheOneLol]

Yes but you pay for the room you dont live for free there. You have your own rights

[TheOneLol]

my advice if that good is really so good try making things better with him and move in

[Asker]

I will consider that. He was willing to pay everything. He just wanted me to pay small bills and do housework. He was a really good guy and I really started to love him. Wish I would've said yes :-(

[TheOneLol]

Not to late go to him.

[Asker]

I don't think so, but it's gonna take time. All he wanted was for me to talk to my parents about me being out later. He basically said the same thing. Why pay rent if you're being treated like a child? I pay $400 a month and that doesn't include driving my stepfather to doctor appointments and buying their medication. I also do a lot of the chores too.

[Asker]

Their home is paid off so basically it all goes to bills and my brother gets money without working and he can at 19.

[QueenBaae]

I agree. You need to start making your own decisions tbh

[Dionysos]

Move the hell out. That's pure BS at your age.

[akadatank44]

You need to have a talk with your parents.

[Anonymous]

It's fair from his point of view, yeah

[APRU5]

Dude ur fucked

[Sabretooth]

no, it wasn't