Ok, so, first of all, as @meatballs21 said, "compatibility" is a huge and intangible issue. It's like finding an ideal dance partner, or an ideal conversationalist, or an ideal partner in any number of other pursuits with a huge number of subtle and complex aspects -- you just *can't* properly judge that sort of compatibility, beyond a very crude base level, without a certain level of experience.
In other words, honestly, no one gets that sort of thing right the first time.
Is it possible to be "satisfied" with one and only one partner, simply as a result of having no one else to whom to compare that one partner? Well, perhaps -- but, for anyone with any semblance of a high sex drive, I really doubt it.
Also, if two people have mismatched desires (in intensity, taste, or both) -- something that may have stayed under the rug 100 years ago, but which will DEFINITELY come out in this day and age of uninhibited discussion and porn and all that -- again, that's the sort of thing that will inevitably lead to growing and explosive resentment.
Remember, sexual compatibility is one of the VERY few things that you CAN'T GET FROM ANYONE ELSE in yr life.
Basically, these are the things you HAVE to get FROM YR PARTNER:
• Sexual compatibility
• Shared values with which to raise children (if you want children)
• Mutual emotional/logistical support
That's pretty much IT.
Everything else -- like "shared interests" -- is HUGELY overrated in a marriage. You can get that sort of stuff from friends, family, and/or business contacts.
Also, you SHOULD have things that you get from yr friends/family that you don't get from yr partner. After all, you don't want to inadvertently squeeze yr friends out of yr life, or make them redundant.
(If you don't want children, that removes the second of these -- leaving sexual compatibility as 50% of the most essential qualities.)
__
And then there's what I consider the MOST important reason to have a sex life before deciding to commit to someone for the long haul, which is sexual COMMUNICATION.
Basically, what I mean by that is this:
The way someone treats you, and interacts with you, as a lover... tells you TONS of things about
• him,
• how he feels about and respects women in general,
• how he feels about and respects YOU in general.
When people are intimate with each other, they have their guard down, in lots of different ways. Their everyday defense mechanisms are down, in all sorts of ways that are carefully guarded at just
I doubt if there still exists one on this site but I couldn't care less. At least in my country, there are still some.
They are a dying breed, and have been for a while. At your age you are more likely to find one then if you were single, looking for one at age 25.
At your age I was willing to wait, but by 21, I would not have been, and living my life again, I wouldn't have waited at 17. At least not to be sexual. For intercourse, I would probably be willing to.
Regarding your update: compatibility is rarely about anatomy (though it occasionally is). It's far more often about, from most to least:
- desired frequency of sex
- desired way of handling when one person is in the mood and the other isn't
- desired sex acts
- desired style of sex (who is dominant, who isn't, if either)
Sometimes these are major issues right from the start of a sexual relationship. It's also not that uncommon for things to be okay at the beginning - a lower drive's drive might be high during the 'honeymoon' phase, and people are more willing to indulge the others desires. As things become more routine, as life gets busier (kids etc) people are less and less willing to stretch beyond their own preferred range.
There really is quite a range in how often people -actually- want to have sex, and a big range in how easily people who weren't in the mood are able to cheerfully or not get in the mood.
To make you feel better (relatively better at least) these men always have been a dying breed.
Having sex is a much lower notion for the brain than saving it for marriage, and by lower here I mean it is much closer to the instinct, where saving it for marriage is a higher more sophisticated notion, distant from instinct.
It is much easier for a man to stay close to his instinct, over accepting a higher level notion, let alone upholding it.
We also know that when we want to talk about humans in general, the bigger portion of humans will always choose downhill over uphill.
An easy road is always more appealing.
Bear in mind that all what I stated above does NOT mean that every single man who chooses sex before marriage is automatically a weak one or anything like that. There can be many cases where a man can have a very strong resolve and still choose sex before marriage. It's just that when we need to talk about a gender as a whole, we can only state arguments that are as broad as possible, otherwise we fall into generalization and sexism and many other problems.
(Note that what I presented above applies to humans in general, and not just men)
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I was never those except for my first girlfriend who actually initiated sex and broke up with me. I would have waited at that point.
I found over the course of subsequent girlfriends that I actually fall in love in the bedroom. It's like I'd be happy to wait until marriage for a girl I'm in love with, but I can't seem to fall in love with a girl with whom I've never slept.
It's not really about the sex. I just discover (or not) in those most intimate moments what kind of bond we have. The two women I fell in love with (married the second) felt like kindred spirits in that context.
It would have been easy for me with my wife if I had slept with her *one time*, enough for me to fall in love, and then we decided to wait not to do it again until marriage.
Nope. Not me. Far too risky. Divorces are very expensive and often very messy. Divorces often end in huge regret. I would never risk that.
Besides, waiting until after marriage means you won't know if you're sexually compatible until after marriage, if you're not sexually compatible it's likely be a sexless marriage. Which could easily lead to divorce.
There is risk in marriage even if you explore each others sexuality before hand...
There are some guys that are willing to do that, but thats really rare i would say myself. It would also be considered the old tradition as more people think that, but now a days people would want to have a relationship and have sex to see if they are compatible and if not then they just break up if they are not and stay as friends (or maybe not)
I would probably say its not a breed, as its more like how they are brought up and how their family teaches them, whether it is the new tradition or the old or which he/she likes to do
There are, but personally I wouldn't. What if you two are completely incompatible? What if the woman was lying and won't even have sex after marriage, or if she will then rarely? So many things could go wrong with this.
Maybe but only if:
1. She hasn't already done sexual things with other men outside of marriage
2. She can openly and honestly talk to me about her sexdrive and what sort of kinks she would/wouldn't be willing to try in the bedroom. This way I can at least try to establish compatibility before going foward.
3. She's not the type who wants a super extravagant wedding with tons of people.
They exist, in small numbers, moving in misguided herds.
As for compatibility: if you've never had sex it's hard to explain. It's not entirely dissimilar to how you get along really well with some people and others you'd never be friends with. Some people you have an awesome time in bed with and others it's just a tragedy.
Weakness all too often gets the best even of men who would have deemed it noble to wait. All the same, sex is just one of many necessary building blocks of a marriage, not a courtship. Any who would demand sex during the courting phase as a condition of being with the other at all are selfish pigs - unfit for either sex or companionship.
Sorry. I already did and now I'm not available :(
I meant to say I already waited till marriage (so did my wife) but now we're married.
I respect your thinking. Perhaps I'll propose to you in the next life. I hope you'll accept. I promise you I'm not a bad person.
Hi there. Just a dude waiting for marriage. Yes, we still exist. We're just the ones who get shamed now, for some reason.
Yes, there are many. Though they may not be as apparent.
it also depends on the social setting and location.
I don't get the compatibility thing either.
I don't feel like it's that smart to do in my opinion. If one person wants sex 7 days a week and the other wants it 2 times per week, then that's obviously going to cause issues at some point. Or one person might be super adventurous in the bedroom and the other person just can't get into that. It's a fairly significant part of the relationship to just assume it will go perfectly fine.
I am a virqin and saving it for marriage, and you thank god I am still a virqin 😂
here's my question for your die hard virgins..
how long is the time span between becoming official boyfriend/girlfriend until marriage?
3-5 years like most couples? (educated guess)
Yes. Most of them are usually virgins themselves though.
No. For the same reason I wouldn't buy a car without test driving it.
Especially if I could not change that car.
I can only fully fall in love after having sex. I love sexxx.
I don't wait until marriage and I will never get myself married at all.
Virgin men are a dying breed it's because women for the most part don't want a guy that's a virgin. Even though they are virgins themselves.
I would never marry someone that I hadn't had sex with. Sex is a very important piece of the puzzle so I would like to see the entire picture in advance.
im a virgin and i will have sex after marriage with only my wife
Are you inviting creeps on here 😶?
Anyways
Nope
I'm not 😶
But I'm craving a girl for something serious :P
It's hard to find at my age though so I guess I'll hit on older girls 🙈
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