Is it selfish to want more than a long distance relationship?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for the last 8 months or so, and in the last 3 months he has been living abroad, which of course makes seeing each other a lot more difficult. He recently found out that he would have to continue living there for another year. But now we don't even talk on the phone or Skype so I feel a lot more distant. When we text, it is great and I really do love him. But I just need more than a long distance relationship. Am I selfish for feeling this way?

[Philosoflix]

I am also currently in the exact same situation but reverse cause I started a new year in Japan and my girlfriend is in america.

I am curious why you guys dont Skype or call, but I can tell you it is difficult even with both. If you truly truly love him or can work things out, please try and make it happen. I am a bit suspicious about why he can`t Skype or anything though.

You wanting to be in a relationship that isn`t such a long term strain isn`t selfish, it is something my relationship is kinda teetering on as well. Just keep in mind that long distance relationships will cause problems in multiple ways that get harder the longer you dont communicate. It usually isn`t worth it if it is a new relationship or if you both haven`t gotten to know each other well yet.

[madhatters4]

not selfish at all to want more than a long distance relationship

long distance relationship are tough (i know from experience) and there can often feel like a real gap and gulf with communication especially if multiple timezones are in play

again i don't think it's selfish to want more than a long distance relationship but if you truly love the person you are with obviously trying to find ways to make things work are ideal. however in your situation since the time for being long distance is getting extended what you do about it is up to you and fair regardless of your decision

[EmpatheticLady]

It's not selfish. It's a tough situation to be in, and I'm sure he wants to be right next to you as well. It would really help if you two could talk either over the phone or using Skype, though. It would make you two feel a bit closer if you could actually see each other and not just read words on a screen.

[caligirl03]

No long distance suuuuuuucks! In my experience it only works when there is a clear end to the distance in sight and the couple has already been together a while. You're young so don't feel guilty for wanting to live your life! If something is meant to be then it eventually will. Good luck sweetie.

[btbc92]

No, you are not selfish, you are only being honest with yourself and it is best that you do now than continue a relationship to the point god forbid you become unfaithful to him. Just be sure that this is what you want and NEED in your life. That is the key most important thing.

[lightlysaltedchips]

I do not like social situations, is it selfish for me to ask for someone to keep a relationship long distance? I think we are all needy. If you aren't comfortable with something it is ok to speak up about it. I dont like to complain and I never do but it is best to speak up then let it eat away at you. at least find a way for him to compromise with you. It is better than not speaking your mind. Its never good to hide how you are feeling because they will build up and get worse. Thats why i goto counseling it helps me from not landing in jail for assaulting someone that gets me angry

[bryon]

No I don't think you are being selfish or in any way unreasonable. I know in my heart long distance just wouldn't work for me as I am just a hands on kind of person. It may sound crazy but picking out a pic in a magazine and saying we are in a relationship would be just as real as being in one with someone who you seldom if ever see and get to touch and hold even less

[KenIsSwift]

Like everyone else whos commented, no its not selfish at all. Being far apart is hard, skyping + texting helps, but even if you guys did it still isn't enough, It takes a lot of effort from both parties, maybe you should let him know, and you guys can arrange a schedule for Skype or something relative which helps close the gap.

[DandelionGirl]

Long distance doesn't work, it's better if you end it now before you get into deep with this "I love you" nonsense. There's no such thing as I love you when you're long distance, there's no physical and there's no personal relationship. It's a waste of time, especially with your age.

[Anonymous]

You are not selfish for feeling this way. I'm sure he also feels that way too. Humans are not meant to have long distance relationships because, during evolution, humans did not have long distance relationships. It wasn't possible because technology didn't exist. Relationships are not meant to be long distance so what you are feeling is very normal.

[SarahsSummer]

Not at all. Relationships are about giving your partner what they need which includes intimacy. For him to choose to live away for over a year, it's selfish to assume you stay with him.

[Mustachekitteh]

It's not selfish and everyone feels that way during things like that.

Why not asking him why y'all never Skype anymore along with working on y'alls communication.

[EllieLexis513]

Nope, you have to put your needs first in long distance relationships. It's not for everyone. And you're under 18. Don't wait on someone if you don't think you can handle it.

[Kirbyy]

No of course not. It's normal to miss and want to be with someone you love. We're humans, we need physical contact too

[posted]

Ldrs very rarely ever work out, especially when one won't even make the effort. No it's perfectly normal to find it ridiculous.

[PrettyKitty31]

I don't think you're selfish for feeling that way. It's a hard situation to be in. And it's especially hard being so young in this situation.

[squidneyy]

Not selfish.
Is there any way for you to go there? And he absolutely can't visit you?

[Papier]

No, absolutely not, you are being reasonable so it's ok. You really should talk about this with him.

I wish you best of luck.

[samasky]

no you aren't if he works there it's your right to ask him to marry

[cowgirup7996]

You're not selfish at all! Long distance is hard and even harder without communication. You should tell him how you feel and where your heart is.

[Belgie]

No. He feels the same way too, believe me.

[Puppylove94]

let him know this.. maybe hell up his game.