Did he ever love me?

Dated my ex boyfriend for almost 4 years. We were each others first for everything(23 now me). He was a good guy and he was a good boyfriend for about 2 years.

The first 1 year I didn't trust him because he was so social with girls and stuff I herd about him in high school. I did play little games like hang with my guy friends a lot and sometimes flirt. Looking back it was very childish but I never had bad intentions to cheat or anything. In almost 4 years I've broke up with him about 4 times.

The first 2 were mainly my insecurities and it lasted like a week, it hurt him a lot. The 3rd one was mainly me feeling unsure and confused and needing time off. We took a break for a few months and during that time I hanged with my guy and girl friends, went out lots and at one point hanged with a guy that liked me that I later found out was someone he didn't like from his past.

We got back together because I realized life wasn't the same without him and I needed him. 1 year after that I broke up with him again... I tried so hard not to... but I felt like he was taking me for granted or didn't love me the way he did before the 3rd break up.

He would go out more and do his activities with himself or guy friends. He would not seem very engaged anymore in our conversations and he didn't really take me out much. I go to school and work and I work till 9-pm and I transit home. Sometimes he stays at school till 8 or 10. Almost like he avoids leaving at the same time as me...to avoid driving me home, even though its on his way. I find that weird because I thought when someone loves you they would want you to be safe and not transit home at night in the dark if they can drive you.

When it came to the weekends which by the way we only hanged like once a week and sometimes saw each other at college at lunch and most of the time it was me calling him to meet up for lunch. Anyway sometimes on the weekends he made excuses like he has to study for upcoming exam or if we could stay in because low gas or money. I was very understanding since we are both broke college students. But For some reason he always made effort to go do his hobbies, like snowboarding. He always had time for those even if an exam was the next day. He always had money and gas for those things.

I broke up with him because for almost a year now I've been fighting with him over EVERYThing...i just became angry inside and picked at everything. I felt I loved him too much, more then he did. For so long he didn't get why I was always fighting with him. And I wanted to leave because I didn't want to get in his way.

About 5 months through I told him why I was angry and he still didn't make an effort, he thought I was over reacting and that he was making effort, So I broke it off months later. I still love him...and he says he does but we have been fighing for 4 weeks every time we talk. Neither can compromise. I was cold..and now he's cold. Did he ever love me? What are the chances we will get back?

** now when we fight he brings up past things that I did that were so hurtful like hanging with a guy that liked me that he didn't like. (during our break). Its got to the point where we aren't talking. And he won't admit is lack of effort.
I guess he might have loved me at one point...but I doubt he has the past yr...

Most Helpful Guy

  • I’d hate to be sweet, and to the point on this one, but it sounds like he’s getting tired of breaking up, getting back together all the time. It sounds like from what has happened through the years is absolutely nothing. You two would get back together, and then break up. It doesn’t sound like you two looked at what the core problems where.

    So nitpicking through your letter a little. It sounds like there’s a lot of inconsistency’s within the relationship itself. You’ve got a lot of trust issues, and a lot of insecurities. You seem to be more confused on a regular basis, because of some of those trust issues you have. It also looks like from what you’ve said, it’s not a secure relationship. You seem to want some grounding, something secure. And you have the right to that, but you’ve also have to work out those problems each time you go through an obstacle. It’s not about breaking up all the time. Sometimes people in general need to stay together, and work out there problems. Rather than running away, then believing things will be alright after awhile. And sometimes that's the case, but from what you said at the end. It sounds like you two where holding stuff in, and now it's coming out within nitpicking every part that's bad with each other.

    So Just like the other comment said… “the best way we can go about things without getting hurt is to compromise.” So I do agree with that… but in away it’s not about compromising, but working on each situation that comes up, rather than running away from it.

    And to answer your questions... Did he love you.. I think he did, and still does, but there has to be some things to be worked out. And the chances of getting back together depends on how much work you want to put into fixing those problems you two have, and coming to some form of compromise in a sense...

    Hope things work out... Much Love

    • I feel like...even if we did talk about working it out...its humilating to try...I've hurt him so much by breaking up...4 times and each time is family and friends saw him go through it. I don't know How I could put a foot back into his house again and face his fam and friends. His friend even told me I should stop contacting him,...'its for the best' when I asked him to tell him to stop contacting me! cause he's been cursing at me.