I like a guy at work, but he has a girlfriend. Do I stand a chance?

Question

I work in a small team and I really like one of the guys on my team. I try flirting with him and he doesn't reciprocate the flirting but he doesn't stop me either. He just makes a joke and laughs it off. 

The problem is, he has a girlfriend. He talks about her a lot in work, practically cooing over her and it frustrates me. I can tell he cares about her a lot and they are looking to move in together. He's not been with her too long but apparently they were best friends for like a year before they got together. I've seen this girl when she's waited for him outside and she is quite pretty. He's always hugging her when he sees her and kissing her, but could he be doing this for my benefit, to make me jealous? 

I told him I'd send him a friend request on facebook and he told me that he doesn't accept colleagues, because he likes to keep work and his personal life separate. But I know that's not true, because he has one of the girls who work with us on facebook. So I send him a friend request that night and he rejected it. 

He's said in the past that he can't believe he got someone like his girlfriend and he feels really lucky because she's out of his league. But I don't know if he's talking in work to make me jealous. hoping I'll overhear him. What do you think?

I'm wondering if it's possible that his girlfriend is stopping him from being friends with me. Because we seem to get on ok in work, we can have a laugh, but he won't accept me on FB and he only replies to texts when it's work related. He won't come out with me and another guy we work with at lunch because he wants to go and meet her!! Do you think he's interested in me but won't do anything about it because of his girlfriend? How can I break them up? Should I keep flirting with him?

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

You need to stop and let this one go, he's taken in various ways.

He is putting up boundaries to protect his relationship with his girlfriend by blocking you.

He is cordial because it is work and he doesn't want to cause problems. The other thing he could do is complain to Management, but hasn't gotten that far. You need to stop.

I can relate to where you area at, been there in terms of passion for someone, but you gotta let go of the selfish perspective that he is playing games. He isn't. He is sending clear signals.

No he has not expressed interest in you at all. We have no way of knowing if he'd ever be interested in you because he isn't available right now. Good for him honestly, he has class to bond to one woman in an age where so many don't have class... no wonder you were drawn to him. Respect him, let him go and find someone else.

Sorry, this one is not available. Process the emotions, get counseling if you need it (and sounds like you do), and move on.

DO NOT BREAK THEM UP
DO NOT FLIRT
LASTLY... DO NOT PLAY GAMES TO GET HIM INTO TROUBLE AT WORK OR MESS WITH HIM OR SCREW HIM OVER. That thought may come up if you get jealous or angry. Not acceptable.
GET COUNSELING... cause something is wrong that you need to fix.

Refusal to follow that advice will mean you become psycho, you don't want to be psycho and lose your job. Seriously, you need to let go and work on yourself.

JudgmentDay · Accepted Answer

Dating co-workers or getting romantically involved is usually a bad idea according to fraternization policies of a company.

You want to break them up? That's the wrong mind set.

HE has to make the decision if he wants to change his mind and be with you instead of his current girlfriend.

YOU can NOT make that decision for him as YOU do NOT have any control over that kind of outcome.

Since he's already in a committed relationship, it's best to back off and find someone that isn't in an established relationship, despite the fact you seemed to be really attracted to him for whatever reasons. Otherwise you'd only get more disappointed and unhappy when things do not turn out the way you expect them to.

Pixxiie · Accepted Answer

I'm going to give you a little bit of friendly advice. Please stop what you're doing. I have posted a question on here about a girl and a friend of mine flirting with my boyfriend, despite him not being interested and if it were not for some of the points you made I'd swear you were the girl who was flirting with him.

You don't know what trials those two face without you throwing more into the mix. He obviously loves her so much and is being polite to you in not telling you to stop flirting. It could be that he doesn't even know you're doing it. Maybe he isn't vain enough to assume another girl would be flirting. Whatever his reason for not telling you to stop, that doesn't mean he is giving you the green light.

Put yourself in this girl's shoes. How would you feel if somebody did that to you? I'm sure you're a decent person and I know falling for someone can do strange things to our minds. Surely you wouldn't want to ruin his happiness? He wouldn't thank you for that, he'd probably resent you for it. You'd lose any chance of a friendship.

I don't think he has any romantic interest in you. I think he's just a nice guy, who loves his girlfriend but doesn't want to be rude to a colleague. Don't waste your time trying to break up a happy couple. Have more respect, not just for the sanctity of a relationship, but for yourself. You've answered your own question if you just read over what you wrote.

TakeMaker · Accepted Answer

"He's always hugging her when he sees her and kissing her, but could he be doing this for my benefit, to make me jealous? "

WOW! Just... wow... you've got a serious ego there. Lets just lay it out in black and white:

He has a girlfriend
You work together
You flirt - he doesn't reciprocate
You friend request him - he tells you straight up he won't accept it and makes an excuse as to why
You text him, he keeps it professional...

Where in all of this do you think he digs you? He has a girlfriend he obviously loves and you're trying to be a nasty bitch by flirting with her boyfriend and deluding yourself yo the point that you think he's being affectionate to his girlfriend to make you jealous...

I think you're a bit unhinged. He doesn't like you like that, he's made that really clear but you're not getting it.

Have you ever been treated for psychiatric problems?

Shorty1991 · Accepted Answer

Ok, it really sucks when you form a crush on someone and then later on discover they are taken. Just because people are in relationships it doesn't stop them from flirting. They probably see it as a bit of harmless fun not to be taken seriously. To me it sounds like you could be over analyzing things. I would say its best just to let go of this idea that he's doing those things to make you jealous, or its going to turn into an obsession and your just going to torture yourself even further into the bargain. Just leave him be, he's obviously loved up with his girlfriend. A guy at one of my previous work places used to follow me around. . . creepy, right? I discovered that he already had a girlfriend. So I avoided him. Seriously, look for someone new and forget about him.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Are you actually having a laugh? You must be either a troll or deluded. They seem really happy and you're trying to break them up just because you want him?

He is not interested in you whatsoever (rejected friend request, doesn't flirt back, talks about his girlfriend, doesn't hang out with you - these should be signs enough that he doesn't like you) so stop trying to be a home-wrecker and grow up.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If he would be unfaithful to his girlfriend to establish a relationship with you, then he would also be unfaithful to you. . . right?

He is not doing things to make you jealous. You are seriously overestimating your importance in his life. He is loving on his girlfriend because he loves her.

You have no chance and should leave him alone.

Stacyzee · Answer

How much more clear can he make things to you?
Stop the advances.
He respects his girlfriend far too much to want to jeopardize things with you or any other girl for that matter.
Why can't you just let him be happy?
There's tons of other guys out there that are single.

LouisvilleGirl826 · Answer

No, you don't stand a chance.
Just because he "laughs at jokes" and "doesn't stop you from flirting"... he's most likely just trying to spare you some embarrassment, though I think he needs to stop being so nice and just put you in your place since you seem to be incapable of taking the hint that he's just plain not interested in you. You seem kind of delusional too. So do yourself a favor and:
1. Get a shovel
2. Dig yourself some dignity.
Because wanting to break a couple up is seriously pathetic. And Karma's a bitch so you'll just end up losing him the same way you get him (which you won't)

mwin2030 · Answer

There is the possibility you stand a chance with this guy, even though he has a girlfriend, but that’s not really the point. You wouldn’t want someone coming along and trying to hookup with your boyfriend now would you? Then you should not be trying the same thing with someone else’s partner. It is just common respect and the right thing to do. If the guy breaks up with the girlfriend he’s currently with, then sure by all means go for it, because he’s fair game, but don’t do that now. It just makes you look cheap and desperate. You don’t want to do that to yourself.

Octavius · Answer

" he doesn't stop me either. He just makes a joke and laughs it off. "

Of course he does this. He's trying to make it not awkward. That in no way means he likes you in the slightest. None of what he's doing is to make you jealous. He's doing what he's doing because he's head over heels for his girlfriend. Don't be a homewrecker. You're not in his mind at all when he does those things.

melme16 · Answer

Honey. The very same thing happened to me. It ended badly.
I was into a guy, who I thought was so into me because he would make the same comments about his girlfriend, and I thought this was his attempt to make me jealous. Oh boy was I wrong.

When I told him about my feeling, he flat out rejected saying he loves his girlfriend. It hurt, so I am fine so I am telling to please do not go into this further. Not for you. He clearly isn't into you. How many more flags do you need? This will only become unrequited love.

Think about it sweetie

thelanatellama · Answer

There is ZERO chance of you and him getting together and even if there was you shouldn't.
He's CLEARLY invested in his girlfriend and loves her very much. He's also made it clear that he isn't interested in flirting with or talking to you if it isn't work related.

Look for someone who likes you back and isn't already in a relationship

Relentless_Hippie · Answer

You're a shitty person, like seriously wtf is wrong with you? He loves his girlfriend and NO he isn't doing ANYTHING for your benefit. You're not important to him.

Like seriously even if he did cheat on her or leave her for you is that the type of guy you want? Guys like that only cheat and are garunteed to cheat on you. I genuinely hope you find someone else and end up in the exact same predicament where another female tries to steal your guy from you.

Just freaking look for a single guy, you're a selfish, evil, nasty and entitled person. You're literally human trash if you think like this.

Miss_Behave · Answer

Do you think he's interested in me but won't do anything about it because of his girlfriend?
- No, I don't think he's interested. I think he doesn't stop you from flirting because he's being polite and doesn't wanna and you feel bad/embarrassed, especially since it's in a working environment and you guys are coworkers and he doesn't wanna cause any awkwardness or bad blood, etc. That kinda thing.

How can I break them up?
- you can't, and shouldn't go there. If they break up, they break up but you don't deliberately do things to break them up. Think about it: what does it say about you if you do things to break them up? I'd say that'd make you a bad person, so don't go there.

Should I keep flirting with him?
- it's up to you but I'd advice on watching your sanity, as in watch that you don't end up getting obsessed with him. It'd just end up being bad for you... And then you'd feel all broken.

Sara413 · Answer

He won't accept your friend request and bring up his girlfriend all the time because he's NOT INTO YOU and wants that to be clear. Honestly, you sound like you may be a bit creepy... he's clearly not interested, yet even the things he is doing to make that clear you're intentionally trying to misinterpret to mean the exact opposite.

Leave the poor guy alone. You're probably making him super uncomfortable.

WhiteSteve · Answer

He's taken. Let it go. If they break up, do whatever. But TRYING to break up a relationship just because you want them is as foul as foul gets, regardless of whatever mixed messages you may or may not be getting.

funny_strange_man · Answer

First and foremost you are a creep for what you are doing. You need to stop now. He has made his stance and loves his girlfriend.
He hugs and kisses his girlfriend. They are moving in together. You flirt with him but he does not do it with you. You send him a friend request online but get rejected. How does any of that benefit you? It doesn't.
You are trying to break them up so you can get with him is wrong. How woukd you feel if you did end up with him and someone tried to break you two up?
What if you were to flirt with him and his girlfriend saw and came up to you and questions it. What would you do then?

ccp16 · Answer

SOunds like he is long long gone for you. And you can have a crush on him all you want, but it sounds like they have something really great going, why be so evil and mess it up? It's not even like it is a bad relationship or she is horrible lol

Riggers · Answer

No you don't stand a chance. He's happy and in a relationship. He's probably just not stopping you flirting because he either isn't noticing it or just quite simply dosent care.

Honestly I'd say just let it go. Wanting to be with someone in a relationship is only gonna end it one of two ways. Either you ruining a relationship or you getting frustrated. I'd say just aim for a different dude

chlodawg · Answer

I know im young and inexperienced, but honestly I don't think you should try to get with him. he seems really happy with his girl and that would be pretty evil of you to try and get between that. what if you were his girlfriend and someone else tried to do that? I think for your own benefit you should move om, which will be hard since you see him at work. but once you get over him you'll wonder why you ever liked him.

Girl0204 · Answer

Girl. Find someone that would return your feeling as much as you give to him. If he likes you too he wouldve broke up with his girlfriend so just relax. you're not in the position to decide anyrhing about their relationship.

there's time for everything if you're patient enough

confuseddotcomgirl · Answer

I didn't even bother reading past "The problem is, he has a girlfriend. He talks about her a lot in work, practically cooing over her and it frustrates me. I can tell he cares about her a lot and they are looking to move in together."
He's basically in love with his girlfriend, stop being a tart and find your own man - this ones taken.

Syvient · Answer

You must be the type of person who won't accept no as an answer. Dude is happy move on unless HE begins to show interest. He laughs off your advances and jokes because he is being professional in the workplace. Been there and done it.

"Do I Stand a Chance?"
Yes, about a 1 in 10,000,000 change of his lady being psycho and stalking you like a predator while loading a gun. ;)

Cheers

Tenseven · Answer

No chance that he is interested in you. He obviously really likes his girlfriend and you're making him uncomfortable by your advances. Hence, the nervous laugh, not going to lunch with you, not accepting a FB request.

Move onto someone who's available.

JuicyBrain · Answer

You don't stand a chance because they are happy together and he is not in the least interested in you.

I like a guy at work, but he has a girlfriend. Do I stand a chance?

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