Found out my boyfriend has a long distance girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

We've been in a relationship for about 4 months until one day he broke this news to me. At first he was quiet and thought for a while saying he really didn't want to tell me this, that he has a long distance girlfriend. The reason is the girl has found out about us and fought with him on the phone the day before he confessed me all this.

So what i know is, they've been together long ago even before i even knew him. It broke my heart like how i imagine our future together and now its impossible for any of it. He told me he wanted to take us serious but he don't want to let that girl go, she's been with him for so long. He gave me the choice of whether i choose to stay with him or leave him.

And what's worse now is.. i stayed. I knew i couldn't let him go and now everyday is a countdown. I know our time together is draining away. He will leave the country after a while and perhaps will never return. I tried telling myself i just want to spend time together until then but it's stressing me out so much. I can never look at us the same way again. How everything's still the same but now i've acknowledge her present and realize i've been an outsider this whole time.

I hated him, but still loved him at the same time like i used to.. and I knew i'll be so lonely and broken when the day come that he has to go.

[isslauraxxxx]

Did he say why he wants this girl and you? He clearly doesn't care about her or he wouldn't cheat. I had a guy I found out was moving to London with a girl- he told me friends-and I went mad. I told him to get rid of her. He wouldn't because he was still living in hope of moving to London. When she said she was coming home, he dumped her. He did not give a fuck about her but picked her over me because it 'didn't seem to be what we needed' e. g he hoped the fat bitch would keep her word. Make him explain exactly what it is about her he can't give up because he clearly has no respect for her. My dude was asking me to have next Christmas with him before I found out about her and her said to me when I did find out "why you acting like this? She's not even here" I said because the fugly bitch loves you and I'm not gonna be why she's heartbroken. I told him I couldn't stand the lies and he said he didn't lie! This is how deluded he is. Cut your guy off. I wish I had found out sooner and before I got attached to him. Block him etc. It'll save you heartache in future. Don't share with a weak bitch. Serious or not, he should have told you upfront what the deal was. He took the choice from you. Take the lead he didn't give you and cut him off

[Anonymous]

I seriously know how you feel. I am going through the same thing I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and he's been in a long distance relationship with some girl for few months now and I just found out about this not too long ago and I confronted him about it and he told me about her and he said he wants both of us. which was so freaking hard to deal with and he told me he wants to be with both and I agreed and stayed. ever since then I've been dealing with a lot of pain and dealing with insecurities because of this , its hard to leave bc you love him and always imagine him in your life its seriously hard I know how you feel I truly do.

[Asker]

oh dear.. and what happened after that? are u still with this guy? :(

[Opinion Owner]

yes I am actually. its hard it really is but for some reason something is telling me to stay and not give up

[Asker]

omg i feel the same too! Its like i still have hope for our relationship, but i think that girl has been with him for more than 5 years. I always think we still might have a change because he's been so fine with me, we never fight and our mind set is same. I can imagine if we ended up together our lives would be perfect :(

[Divadealer]

I know how you feel! I met a man who had a girlfriend in another country and I was married. We had a fling that was supposed to be brief. He was supposed to leave the country and marry her and I was going to recommit to my marriage. She found out so they didn’t get married but didn’t break up. It is 7 years later (I’m divorced) but he still won’t give her up. We have lived together for 4 years but we can’t be friends on social media because of her. I love him so much and we are sooo good together but I think the stress of him not being able to break from her is slowly killing my self esteem a little more every day. We don’t talk about her, it just will cause a fight. Sometimes I feel like she isn’t real until I see a text from her and then it is like a punch in the gut. I wish I knew what to do. I wish I could love myself more and demand better but I don’t want to lose him. Pathetic I know

[LaFemmeFatale]

Your relationship will never be same as It was before and truth to be said, It was kind of illusion. It is obvious that he loves that girl and the only thing you can/should do in this case is to find another guy, who won't hurt your feelings so much. Let him go and leave him.

[isslauraxxxx]

I don't think he does love her. There's guilt there in my view or alternate purpose. People don't cheat on people they love. Asker didn't say what the deal he gad with ldr was. If they made some plan, believe me. It's the plan he loves not the girl. He doesn't love ldr because you don't cheat when you're in love

[Misslxxxx98]

Why does he have to leave the country? Is he keeping other girl on because of that? He doesn't live her if so. She's just a stepping stone. Ask him if he loves her and why he got involved with you if so? Ask him if he realises how disrespectful it is to you both

[legs_n_sheets]

People haven't been reading my takes. This is what parallel relationships are, basically. And if any guy could do it, in the sense that it was a socially acceptable thing, all men would most probably.

With that said, what he did is pretty shitty, because assuming he knew you were looking for committed and monogamous thing he shouldn't have lied and accepted that "deal" with you.

I think you should leave the whole thing be, and move on. Even though he told you the truth straight up, he wasn't honest for day one, so much can you really him? Your fears and concerns are most probably truth, and chances are you aren't getting the commitment you are looking for with this guy.

[legs_n_sheets]

from day one, so how much can you really trust him?**

[Asker]

I never feel her present at all. It was always me and him. he never tried to hide his phone or anything like that. I was just so shock... and what confused me is he said he wanted to take us serious. Then still... i just don't know what to say for this.

[Asker]

In the end i have to face the consequences of his mistake...

[legs_n_sheets]

Maybe he really wanted it, but he knows you are hurt, and feel betrayed and lonely bi his actions, and also, that he simply can't sustain seeing two women parallely.

Sadly, men and women alike face consequences of their partners simply following their instincts, in relationships. Your best bet is moving on right now, even it it's hard for you.

[isslauraxxxx]

The guy clearly has some motive. Serous or not, you should tell people truth upfront. A guy told me he had a girlfriend on a date once and I got up and left and that was my privilege to do so. He denied this girl the truth and clearly has no respect for girl he won't dump. Neither relationship will come to anything and meanwhile this guy thinks he's gods gift. The ldr must be a weak bitch

[isslauraxxxx]

He shouldn't have lied serious relationship or not. You don't hide girlfriends

[CisScum]

The problem with that is you started the relationship being lied too and now that relationship is honestly fake in my opinion. If he really wanted to take things serious and be with you then he would've broken up with her long ago, I think that's kinda Bullshit. I know you'll feel horrible and sad when you break up and trust me I know, but you deserve better. Do it for yourself, you can find a better guy.

[isslauraxxxx]

A guy I was seeing I found out had a long distance girl. He only wanted her to move to London. He told me when I found out about her things had changed- he meant she said he was coming home and he didn't want her anymore-but for me? The fact she was still in the background like a bad smell when I told him to get rid of her was enough. He dumped her and she stayed in London. That's his karma

[dragonfly6516]

Why give him the privilege and luxury of having you around until he is ready to leave you when you know he is leaving you to go back to her? Leave him while he is still here and show him what you feel now: lonely.

[Asker]

i honestly dont really want to care about this anymore... I came to realization that even if i ended up with him. Maybe someday i'll ended up just like his girlfriend now, he'll be with someone else behind my back and imagine the pain i'll go through if he say he wants to be with the new girl and break up with me. So i guess i'll jst let him go and spend the time while we still can... He'll be leaving soon anyway.

[Relentless_Hippie]

Both of you should break up with him, like seriously don't be an idiot.

[Asker]

for sure that girl will not. Even when before he done terrible things she stayed by his side and never left him, Thats why he dosent want to lose that girl. I feel like for sure i will be the one who'll quit and give up this relationship in the end.

[Relentless_Hippie]

Do you know why that girl stays with him? Because she has low self esteem and believes she isn't deserving of anything better. Seriously, that's what you sound like. This guy is a low life and you're talking like he's the greatest thing that will ever happen to you, and your life will cease existing if you end things. Break up with him and find someone who will be faithful to you. Because there's no telling who else he's involved with and even if things end with them. You've solidified in his mind that cheating on you is okay. And he will continue to do whatever he wants.

[Asker]

He never cheat on me while we're together, not even talking with any other girls. One thing i like about his is he's very mature and we almost have the same mind set. We can understand each other perfectly and agree with each other, super easy and comfortable to communicate with. I never find any guy like this in my life. That's why i want to fight for this... but i suppose he knows too how hurt that girl will be if he ended up with me. So he dosen't want to take us further.

[Relentless_Hippie]

He did cheat on you. He cheated on both of you. I'm sorry, but you're delusional to think this guy is anything other than a scum bag. Stay if you must, but you're choosing to be the other woman which makes you worse than him. You're selfish and you're not smart. Neither of you are smart. Good luck with this man, because he's going to continue to play you and you're just going to let him.

[WillowTree]

So you decided to stay and be the stand-in girlfriend of a cheating boyfriend. What's the question?

[isslauraxxxx]

It's not the stand in. It's kind of like the person he wants to be with but has some selfish reason and residual habit with other girl. Believe me. Been there myself. Seen "hometown girl" many times before still stood there like a wartime wife and ends up eventually being got rid of because usually they realise they grew apart and it's too late with girl he really liked and that's 2 women hurt over the past refusing to let go

[selmo93]

You need to let go for your sanity. As it'll only drive a wedge knowing he'll leave for her