Lack of sex almost killed my marriage. I want it every day, and my spouse did not have much of a drive. It drove me insane. I am an attractive woman and I get a lot of attention from men, but to not get that from my husband still made me feel inadequate. So we separated for about a year... the happiest a year of my life thus far, but now we are trying to work things out because he has other qualities that are important to have in a partner and he is working on things to improve his sex drive for me. So we will see.. but yes, I think if one person is being deprived of a basic need in their marriage (such as sex) the relationship is doomed, or the person being deprived is going to live in misery like I was. Sex is a basic need to me, just like sleeping or eating, and I also feel it's extremely intimate and brings you closer to your spouse.
TBH I've been struggling with the realization that almost EVERYONE I know has cheated (mostly men, not judging just saying) If they're old that's pretty understandable, you can only do so much, but I've known couples in their 40s that pretty much stopped having sex and started sleeping in different rooms. Some people are just cool with spending time with their partner/best friend in an intimate non-sexual way and bravo to them, but I don't know how I would feel about it.
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It is all going to depend on the people involved. While I love sex, I have pain medication that causes issues. I am so tired of having to explain it to the women I date, then them not believing me and thinking the issue is them, that I have just about given up on dating. It isn't that I can't perform, I just don't want sex every day and I am too old for multiple times a day. 2 or 3 times a week is the most I would want it. and I wouldn't mind 4 or 6 times a month. I am at a point if I don't have sex again I don't consider it a loss. So right now I am done with dating. I am not saying never, just never for right now.
No, god no. Its vital to the relationship for intimacy purposes and at least for me to distinguish my relationship as an actual relationship. I highly doubt that if a man would only acknowledge his wife ten times or less a year that she would be all that pleased. To me that's not a marriage its a friendship at best.
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Most women , undeniably on average , have a lower , often much lower , libido than their male partners , not bashing women , but most sexless marriages are wife refusal , even with men eager to please their ladies. A man SHOULD learn how to please a woman , understandably a woman won't want sex with a " two pump chump " , biology is the main factor. Women & men are poles apart in most respects mentally too , plus the world is a stressful , unforgiving place , stress kills the libido of BOTH genders , but a more marked effect on men.
Sex is a powerful drug for some and then you have the people who don't really care for it as much.
I don't care to have it everyday morning evening and night.. But I think that's because I think men idea of sex is them getting off.
So if I can't eat some pussy at lease every other day then it's a no no! I want my woman to feel she gets her man to pleasure her and it only be about her. I'm not always looking to bust one.
Now...
I once asked my granny to spare me the details but what does she thinks about sex and when was the last time her and my grand pops got down. Her answer still to this day amaze me. She said I'm not letting that man touch me with that thing! He haven't touched mine in years I forgot the last time. Go ask him why we're still together, so I did and he told me that my granny allowed sex outside the relationship. It kept them both happy, she didn't have to have sex and he got the sex he wanted.
Everyone is different. Not everyone places as high a value on sex. If two people want to be married for fifty years and never once have sex, there is nothing wrong with that.
To some degree I think this is a case that the people who are most into it are the ones who talk about it the most. That's true with a lot of things. People who are really into sex talk about it a lot more. They talk about how great it is. They say it's a vital part of life. They can't imagine not having sex.
The people who aren't into it as much aren't the ones you hear about. So discussion on the topic leans toward being one-sided and gives a false impression.
this is exactly where open-relationships are important. when both partners can't satisfy sexually each other ( due to any reasons) they should be open or selfless enough to let the other partner get the physical cravings from another source. I think this is what true love or unconditional love calls for... open relationship is how such marriages can be saved.
I think I could go completely without it for the girl I love right now. I would never have done something like that in the past. My mind was all about sex. Its amazing to have, but there's so much more to a relationship than that. Just spending time with your SO, talking, seeing them smile, laughing, hearing their voice, doing things together, quality time, being in love, feeling close, feeling safe, feeling home. Thats the true magic in a relationship. And no amount of sex can equate, make up for it.
As a matter of fact, my girl just broke it off with me. I plan on going celibate, that includes masturbation, porn, to prove to myself I can do it, that its not all that and that its truly the connection and the person that counts. And that if they count so much, that you could give up anything, do anything for them.
There was a time when I was at my wit's end. Late 20s and most of my 30s. I felt like a lot of time was wasted. Neither of us ever cheated. We had a lot of "state of the marriage" talks and I always expressed my dissatisfaction. She'd say "I'm afraid I'm driving you away from me." I'd finally say, "lookit, you're not participating. And I don't want this month's fuck just to shut me up for another month. You need to start having sex with me, not out of a sense of obligation, but because you want to." Actually, I said that a lot over the years. I don't know what changed, but it got better when we were trying to have kids (obviously) but it has just gotten steadily better even since then. But menopause is looming now. Don't know what I'll do if it takes away her libido; the last few years have been so awesome. Marriage is hard even when it's fun, but sexless marriage to someone you actually love is a real downer.
That would be tough. Sex can bring couples together, it burns calories, it releases happy endorphins etc, etc. I always figured and thought being married would help make a couple closure and happy. But I guess a lot of couples who are married are not happy with each other. I heard stories like that to couples having less sex. I guess they get tired of having sex with the same person.
Lol I am thinking the same that how can people live without sex? Damn If I had a wife and due to any reason she won't be intimate with me or have sex and wouldn't do anything about it I would be divorcing ASAP or ask her to give me permission to have sex with other girls... period! I don't care if I have kids...🤗
And whenever some guy asks a question about his wife not having sex ask girls here blame the guy or day stupid things like "if you love her you would accept her" 🤔😆
I say FUCK THAT SHIT 😁
Honestly I think that has a lot to do with this generation- which is also why divorce is on the rise
The only thing that has changed is casual sex. Sex is meaningless now- it's simply an act of pleasure. I think all of us are forgetting that sex for pleasure is a sin... I'm not super religious or anything but it makes sense. Most things with lot of pleasure comes with negative implications.
So all in all I think if casual sex would decline, people would be more happy in marriage, lower infidelity therefore lowering divorce rates as well
I could not handle that. I think it's unhealthy, that is much too long.
I think people have sex way too much early on. Even before they marry they have already had sex hundreds of times with their partner.
Sex used to be something to look forward too, now it is pre-requisite for marriage
I think making sex a more special experience and having it 1-2 a week in the beginning of a relationship makes the sex better and sexual attraction last longer.
With my past relationship we were having sex 5 times a week, and we both got bored of sleeping with each other. Sex became an obligation
I think it depends where you are in your relationship age wise as getting in 10 times a year in your 60s is different than in your 20, 30 and 40s.
But I wouldn't leave, I would try to address the situation and try to do more things to get her interested in sex and if she just isn't find out why and try to correct it.
Yes I agree, I believe if the couple really isn't having that much sex that could be that the relationship has some unhealthy issues that should be resolved. So I personally wouldn't just leave him right of the back unless I was seeing it as a crucial need at time... what would you do?
I'd want to explore what changed and try to rectify it. My guy and I are pretty compatible when it comes to sex... we both want it often. Aside form things that come up in any relationship from time to time, I'd wonder what changed so drastically to kill a libido.
Agree agree agree! The dumbest people i speak to are men or women who admit they have sex 1 x a month and are... Marrying? It AIN'T getting better!! But everyone likes to think they are so wonderful they don't want to accept they might not have sexual chemistry with a partner
It depends on the reasoning. If it were a health issue or something then no I would not leave. If it were just them not wanting sex ever after we have communicated about the issue and discussed the importance of it then I would have to think about it. I definitely would divorce first though before I went looking for sex outside of my marriage. It doesn't give me the right to be a bad wife or make my husband feel less than by my cheating.
If the marriage is going great but the partners are not having adequate sex or where they prefer to stop having sex , nobody should imply that they are not happy. It only means they are concentrated on other things that keep themselves and their family happy. If both the partners are not worried about their lack of sex , I think there is no problem for them to continue with their relationship. They are doing great. They can be truly happy with the situation.
My thoughts on these are very similar to yours but obviously if both partners agree all is good - If one has a higher sex drive, my thoughts would be maybe a partner with the lower libido could accommodate the higher libido person with non intercourse sexual pleasure.
True that it's not easy and makes your mind wander but if you believe in the insituation of marriage and if you believe in family and the future of kids and of THEIR kids, you would keep divorce or cheating as something alien to you.
I would echo almost to the word, the story from @qwertyKitchen except that we had kids relatively early.
I would stay. I would t be able to testify to the healthiness of the relationship but I couldn't divorce on the grounds of no sex alone
I'd stay if it was otherwise a good relationship, but it would be a priority of mine to get that issue fixed. I'd never cheat.
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