What to do with an underachieving boyfriend?

[Jems1]

I have been together with my boyfriend for about six months now. I do love him but there are a few issues bothering me.

This might make me sound like a princess but I assure you that I am not, heh. But I am getting very tired of not ever getting any compliments, like, ever! He never tells me I am beautiful, funny etc. Not even in bed which really irritates me. I have tried giving him compliments; telling him he looks good, smells good, his hair looks nice today etc. But nope, didn't get anything back. He never takes me out on a date and has never bought me even a flower. Seeing my best friend's man treat her like a princess (presents, dates, compliments, cute notes how he adores her...) makes me feel a bit jealous must say. Don't I deserve to feel like that as well? He has told me he loves me and couldn't live without me but is it too much to ask to get one compliment every once in a while?

And the second and bigger problem: he is an underachiever. I want to invest in my future and career and I am very ambitious person, he seems not to be. He has never really had a job (we are both 22) even though he goes to school a few times a week. He doesn't really seem to care about his career (he studies sociology and will graduate very soon) either. "Would be awesome to get paid for hanging out with people in 'care centers', think! Getting paid for watching tv and playing games!" My nightmare. He moved out of his parents' only a while ago, his mom still washes his laundry.. I feel like his mom sometimes!

What do I do? I do love him and just the thought of living without him anymore hurts me. But I cannot act like someone's mother and try to push them to be more ambitious if that's not who he is. I have no idea what to do anymore. If I decided to leave him I am worried how would he cope. Him saying "I could not live and cope without you in my life" makes me terrified, not flattered. I feel like I am dating a boy when I though he was a man. Help?

[Anonymous]

For the first point, it's just the way some people are. Actually speak to him about it if you're unhappy. Tell him when you have made effort for him in terms of looking good, doing something nice with your hair etc you'd love it if he showed appreciation.

Second point... do you really want to be with somebody like that? Think about it hard. Somebody who doesn't want to work won't suddenly change. Some people have strong work ethic, and some don't. Think about which type is better for you and if he's not, think about what you want to do with the relationship.

Personally, I'd run. You're young and have plenty of time to find a good ambitious boyfriend with prospects. It's not your job to try and change somebody, and trying to change somebody never works anyway. There is no point in getting bogged down with somebody who is going nowhere at your age, or any age for that matter.

[Popo21]

My husband is like this too lol
Some guys just aren't as expressive/good at complimenting/being all lovey but doesn't mean that he doesn't love you

[RachelRachet]

It sounds like you two aren't very compatible. Maybe you should dump him.

[ProbablyTooMature]

Long story short... What to do with him is leave him. He's not going to suddenly miraculously change. A very good female friend of mine is in the same boat, and has been for twice as long, but she's planning on moving in with him, all the while complaining about the same things as she did a year ago.

He won't change, so if you want to be treated like a princess, look for a prince, not a toad.

[Jems1]

Thank you for your answer! It is hard to see him as a "toad" because he is so sweet and caring but reading myself what I just wrote about him... yeap does not sound like a prince. I will have to start processing the idea of breaking up i my mind I guess..

[ProbablyTooMature]

Sweet only gets you so far. He's stuck on boy mode and isn't ready to be a man yet... Just like you said. You have a clear grasp of the situation save for one detail... You're not his keeper. How he will cope is up to him, not you. Maybe he needs some hurt and disappointment to help him grow up.

[Intraluminal]

As you already said, you can't make someone ambitious. If that's a deal breaker, then tje sooner ended, the sooner healed. Don't be held hostage. He lived without you before he met you, he's gonna love without you afterwards.

[Jems1]

Thanks for your reply! I do know he can make it without me but just feels too horrible to leave him.. "Held hostage" is probably the way I feel sometimes, just haven't realized it. I will have to start processing the idea of a break-up..