My boyfriend never takes me out anymore. Is he taking me for granted?

[Anonymous]

I keep hinting at my boyfriend That I want more romantic initiative. I told him I'd love him to plan something for us to do one day. We've been together for 10 months and in the beginning he took me out for dinners planned things for us to do. Lately I'm really frustrated I think it would be a silly reason to break up because their is a lot of things I like about him. Before everyone bashes on how I am being materialistic and all I'm perfectly ok doing nothing at his place 90% of the time and splitting things 50/50 but just once in a while I would love to be surprised with a romantic outing or some flowers. I get frustrated because I do a lot for him and he always says he will do it but it hasent happened yet. Tonight he texted me a pic of him and his buddy who's in from out of town having diner. I couldn't help but get angry that he can afford to go out with his buddy for his bday all weekend but that he hasn't taken me out in like two months and treated me to anything. Am I being surperficial?

[Mysterio421]

Well, he took you out to places to get to know you and have fun as a part of the date (s). You are frustrated and would potentially break up with him due to lack of dinners or spontaneous dates? Hate to break it to you but it is a little materialistic whether you accept it or not. I understand where you are coming from, but it certainly isn't a good reason to end a relationship. It was his time to celebrate his birthday and he chose to spend it with his friend. The main issue I see here is lack of communication. What you need to do is talk to him about it and try to arrange something together. Christmas is coming around quickly and that will be the perfect time for movies, events etc. Was your boyfriend like this when you met him?

[Tdieseler]

Superficial? no... stupid? yes.
Take the fuckin initiative. the thing you girls don't seem to understand is that this is 2016.. women fought for equality... you fucking have it. You want some romance, stop waiting for him to do it, how about YOU start it. Make a reservation or if its at home, some candles or something. some lingerie. Stop Waiting on the guy. Its the thing today's women don't understand, y'all wanted equality, welcome to the frickin Matrix. This is how its done. You want something, You step up and You do something about it.
Now, should you take that initiative and he goes "no, i don't want this", darling, its time to find you another man. Because not many man can deny a woman who knows what she wants.

[juniorsrosie]

She's already said she does stuff for him and has taken initiative in setting up dates.

I agree with you that girls need to do stuff for guys as well, but I believe OP did that.

[Tdieseler]

@juniorsrosie Please... show me the area of that description where she Said she did anything... cuz i can prove my side... watch this.
"in the beginning he took me out for dinners planned things for us to do"
"just once in a while I would love to be surprised with a romantic outing or some flowers"
"he always says he will do it but it hasent happened yet"

I can keep going... where.. in that whole description did she take the initiative... OP hasn't.. nor is willing to do Jack

[juniorsrosie]

" Lately I'm really frustrated I think it would be a silly reason to break up because their is a lot of things I like about him. Before everyone bashes on how I am being materialistic and all I'm perfectly ok doing nothing at his place 90% of the time and splitting things 50/50 but just once in a while I would love to be surprised with a romantic outing or some flowers. I get frustrated because!!! I do a lot for him !!! and he always says he will do it but it hasent happened yet."

read where the exclamation marks are

[juniorsrosie]

"I do a lot for him" typically indicates that she returns the favor of getting him shit.

it's not bad of a girl to want romantic surprises, especially if she does it for him

[juniorsrosie]

Also you're generalizing girls. I do more shit for my boyfriend than he does me. I take him on dates that I plan, I get him his favorite candy and got him flowers once. I do a bunch of shit for him

not every girl is stupid and selfish like you generalized

[juniorsrosie]

(btw I didn't get him flowers after that one time not because I'm lazy... but because he was embarrassed and didn't want them. Sometimes guys stick to the stereotypes and refuse gifts, as you said in your last sentence)

[Tdieseler]

@juniorsrosie Did you post as anon with a different account, THEN come back and reply as yourself? You are taking this too personal lol...
hey, you want clarity? read my recent Take... you said
"I do more shit for my boyfriend than he does me"... darling, just read the Take... you girls claim you do everything... My Take will show you why he is the way he is...

[juniorsrosie]

no lol I just get pissed when guys think ALL girls don't do anything. Yeah some girls are superficial, but then there's guys who are as well...
And in my case I actually do more shit in the relationship. He even acknowledges it. I told you my personal story so you'd see not all girls are shitty and try to leech guys dry

[Tdieseler]

@juniorsrosie Im looking at the thought... and if you read my take my Take, you would know why

[chaleesi]

it's normal to feel that way. some things you gotta know, he's probably not taking you out as much because well, in the beginning, he was still trying to chase you and hold you down. but now that you and him have been together for a while, and are used to each other, he doesn't think (at least subconsciously) that he needs to these things as much- going out for dinner, surprising with flowers. also, another thing: you can hint as much as you can to him, but he won't get it. Guys are pretty BAD at taking hints lol. before you decide to break up with him, think: do I really want to not be with him anymore, or do I want change? if the latter, talk to him about it. tell him what's bothering you and how you can do things differently.

[Kamio]

You are getting some really negative answers and it is not cool. I 100% get where you are coming from. I've gone through the same thing with my husband and expartners.

Honestly... I just told my husband that he needed to organise something fast. And literally told him what to do to surprise me. PS I'm still waiting for him to actually organise a surprise dinner out that I didn't couch him into. He has bought me flowers unhinged before and I'm can live with that.

I get why your annoyed About him having dinner out with his friend. Honestly tell him to do something next weekend OUT of the house. Tell him what restaurant to organise it at even but leave him to do it.

[aboomya]

Iv dated men like this... you meet they take u out and then you will have him at your place or you at his for dinner and tv... and then that's all it pretty much is. Hanging out in an apartment always... or just having sex for fun. I don't mind the sex part but going out once in a while would be nice to. And if u have to always ask him to want to take you out that is the worst feeling too! Everyone wanta yo feel appriciated. And it doesn't always have to cost a lot of money to do so. Go down town for a coffee and walk even ita romantic. Men have stopped putting in effort these days. Woman will get board and feel not appriciated or taken for granted.

[Anonymous]

Do you take him out? I know you do "stuff" for him, and he probably does stuff for you too? but going out is different. So suggest places yourself, set up dates, get him used to it again. Lots of couples get comfortable and stop going on dates, I think you should always go.

[Asker]

I am the planner in the relationship. Last night I suggested we go rock climbing and we did. I also set up a day where we all went zip lining with some friends. I've come up with multiple creative ideas. Not always things that cost money. I am also the one who always fogures out what we are gonna eat most of the time and cook for him. I just want a bit more. He's done his share in the past but I'd love for him to take some initiative in some romantic gestures.

[Opinion Owner]

My guy went through the same phase maybe a year in to our relationship or something. Especially the food parts!
What I did, and you could try is making him actually look for places.
So I'd say "I want to do something this weekend, can you Google and see what's on?"
Then I told him he needs to help with the cooking more, and I literally stopped doing it. I did it occasionally, but not as often as before. So I'd eat before I went home, then that was it. If he doesn't get into gear and cook... There's no dinner. I made the mistake of not eating before home, don't do that, you'll be hungry lol.
Or, "let's go out to eat, can you Google somewhere we haven't been before?"
At one point I stopped planning all together and just planned stuff with friends. He missed us going places and sudden found places to go.
I find it often falls on the girl to be the planner, but you can make him help in the end, like "training" him (if he's good other ways and not a dick)

[pr3ttybr0wn]

You're not being superficial for wanting to go on dates. Especially if most of the time you just do nothing at his place and split things 50/50. You are the type of girl a lot of guys want. Low maintanence and just wanna be happy to be in his company. However, he is not appreciating you and taking you for granted. Instead of sitting around mad at him, go out with your friends for the weekend and meet more people. I'm not saying dump him, but maybe you could have other more exciting things to do than go over his house and not do anything.

[CyberToothTiger]

You have every right to be upset and he is wrong. Why take a picture of him along with his buddies having dinner? I think you need to sit down and have a
long talk with him and tell him, look here if you love me than why in hell don't
you show it? Yes you need answers and you deserve dinner dates and a
dinner out with him and yes guys should buy roses or flowers to give you
before the date cause every girl likes to feel special. This needs attention
and i would not be doing 50/ 50 out to dinner tell him dam it this dinner is
on you and you know a girl shouldn't have to do that he should know what
to do it.

[JesseBrooks]

Well, for my case anyway, if I constantly try to take a girl out, or buy her stuff I usually end up alone pretty damn quick because a lot of women think your trying to buy them. Not sure if that is what he's trying to avoid, or he just figured 'I got the girl, now I dont have to try anymore' Most guys that havd never had a problem getting women will relax very quickly. Life has to many variables to know for sure though

[dimples123]

No you are not. you are being reasonable. I've been in your place before. I think the biggest mistake guys make is not putting effort. If you put in effort and he doesn't, what is the point.

Have that conversation with him and tell him how you feel. And if he doesn't try, then find someone who treats you better than he does

[Only_Women_Bleed]

Some really bad opinions on this subject.

Obviously, communication is the most important thing in a relationship but any guy with a brain knows that women want to be taken out sometimes. She shouldn't have to ask him to do so.

Feminine women like when men take the initiative and continue putting effort into the relationship.

No man who has been in a good, long term relationship with a feminine women with traditional values has ever needed to be told by her to take her out sometimes.

[xCutesyLolitax]

He is taking you for granted..." I told him I'd love him to plan something for us to do one day. " It doesn't require a genius to understand that that means taking you out. You are not "hinting" anything. He is going out with his friends. Isn't this proof enough he is taking you for granted? He can afford to go out with his friends and not you? Wow, I would never be with someone like this. Just tell him what you think. If he doesn't change, I suggest you move on.

[silencemylove]

I don't think so. guys are simple creatures. I'm joking but no some guys don't see what they have. how about you in your friends go out to places. have fun enjoy yourselves. then when he sees you having fun he'll join in. don't wait for him to take you out go out.

[silencemylove]

it's also because he's use to you. he has you he nolonger needs to or have a reason to impress you.

[Unit1]

First of all make *sure* he got the message and talk to him about it!

Secondly if he isn't going to do anything for you, then you have that kind of a person in a relationship, who will keep doing so. Do you want to stay with someone like him? Your call.

I think you have a right to be bothered by it. Nothing wrong with that. It seems like disinterest for me.

[DodgersGM]

My suggestion: be your own arbiter of change. Do a couple incredibly thoughtful, romantic things for your boyfriend. Give him a chance to realize what you guys have been out on, and give him a chance to step it up.

[Sophisticated_Sonic]

TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT!!! Make your feelings of frustration know. Be civil and calm. Have a healthy conversation about your concerns and tell him that you'd like it if he contributed more to the relationship.

PLEASE TALK TO HIM!!! Don't break up just yet. Talk to him about it. Please talk to him in the nicest way possible about him being more proactive.

[chrissykerdock]

i bet he's still having sex with you but not willing to take you out it sounds like your not his #1 anymore but more like a #2 or less he has another girlfriend or boyfriend if he's bisexual that's more important than you... drop him

[peachblossomluck]

You can't let men be lazy like that because then they no longer deserve the title of "Man." Let him know he needs to plan and take you out or you're moving on. That sounds extreme but guys who don't take you out don't appreciate you.

[MasqueradeMassacreTM]

Hinting? You can't just tell him? Guys can't read our minds, you have to tell them. If you can't talk to your boyfriend, why bother dating him at all?

[bbch25]

"I told him I'd love him to plan something for us to do one day"

Sounds like her "hints" are a lot less subtle than some peoples hints.

[MasqueradeMassacreTM]

@bbch25 Okay? But if she can't tell him straight up, what's the point? Some guys don't take that as a "Oh, I know what to do now!" They will often take it as "If she wants me to, she will tell me."

That's how my boyfriend perceives things, and how a lot of men do also. That's why I suggested telling him straight up. He will understand more. No need to be an asshole through an answer that wasn't even meant for you.

[Unit1]

THANK YOU!!!
This message can not be told enough.

[MasqueradeMassacreTM]

@Unit1 I don't see why that girl replied to me being an asshole. She isn't a guy so she doesn't know what's going through their heads. Seriously, I have experience with them because I live with my boyfriend and he has told me that he perceives things differently and that's exactly how he perceives them. As for the asker, blatant hints aren't blatant hints if you're not bothering to be straight up. Again, if you cannot talk to him, then don't date him. It is that simple.

[Unit1]

Yep. You definitely made your homework on that :)

I suppose girls aren't so hard to understand too, right? At least I think so. Since I rarely ever interacted with girls but as the saying goes, communication is the key.

[MasqueradeMassacreTM]

@Unit1 Girls are complicated or make themselves out to be complicated and for no reason at all. That's why I can't seem to understand why the asker won't just be straight up. Girls always assume things, I try not to because I try to be understanding I guess. But the girls on this site REALLY just irk me.

[Unit1]

Yeah, I kind of noticed that.
Hence if we are getting a girlfriend, it's our duty to choose the not-complicated, honest and communicative girlfriend in the first place.

I mean, I do not have to put up with riddles when a girl does not know what she wants or is not speaking up for herself.

That means if I don't understand one girl, then it will simply remain that way. heh.

[MasqueradeMassacreTM]

@Unit1 Not exactly sure why girls can't just leave the complicated stuff out, It's not hard to just tell the truth or be open and honest. That's what a relationship is about tbh. I see myself as complicated but that doesn't mean I have to be to anyone else, or say my S/O. -_- So obnoxious seeing girls on here asking questions about whether or not they should be honest or whether they should play mind games. ... Like... really? Come on now, you know the answer.

[Unit1]

Yeap, I completely agree with you.
The best way to deal with complications is to not to :) unless it makes sense at least.

I like being straightforward too!

[MasqueradeMassacreTM]

@Mods - @bbch25 is harassing me. Please tell the cunt to kindly fuck off!

[itsagirlthing900]

If he hasn't taken you out for 2 months then it isn't right to get angry necessarily. But it's also not wrong for you to want to go out every now and then and be spontaneous

[MargaritaPeach]

Well, you could always break up with him and no boyfriend AND no romantic dinners. :/

[StickStickity13]

What do you do for him? Maybe you're taking him for granted

[Anonymous]

Stupid Yeh. As it's his friends birthday. Isn't really a comparison

[Anonymous]

"Before everyone bashes on how I am being materialistic and all I'm perfectly ok doing nothing at his place 90% of the time and splitting things 50/50" I was definitely getting ready to call you that.

[Gambit863]

You should talk to him and express your concerns to him

[Anonymous]

No you are not. He's a loser.