Husband flirting online... Overreacting or not?

Question

My husband and I met in 2007 and married in 2012. Over the past 1 1/2 years I discovered in dribs and drabs his internet activity. He has had sporadic conversations with about a dozen women over our entire relationship. My concerns are as follows...
A) they were flirty ie hi babe, cutie etc.. followed by mundane conversation
B) It was hidden from me... private emails and facebook.
C) I found everything on my own. Nothing was volunteered even when asked.

He denies flirting but admits inappropriate language. He claims he always thought I was fine with this since I didn't say anthing before. Apparently, he believed I was always supposed monitor his activities. But admits he should have told me. He only admits to what I saw and nothing more. When I asked why I had to find out in pieces he auctually said, "how am I supposed to remember everything I did?". He maintains that they were only friends and never met. But says that he was foolish for using poor language and maintains that his intentions were pure. I found 12 different girls. It's clear that I only have a piece of the puzzle. He basically said that I'm overreacting and told me he's telling the truth and let it go. I did not find any evidence of them meeting up and he denies ever cheating (of course). I've really been obsessing over this. Am I making a mountain out of a mullhill? Is it possible he believes this bs? How do I get answers?

I should mention other than this we never had any issues and we have a little girl who we love to bits.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Sorry to read. If you were chatting to dozen of men, how would he react? A liar is a liar. Tell him to prove it to you. One thing is to chat with other people and your by his side and aware versus sneeking around and acting like nothing is going on. Shady AF. Definitely don't give him a free pass. You should reevaluate if something is lacking, if not, communicate and work through it as marriage is a learning process and always trust your intuition.

Recently found out the guy I've been chatting with for months, has a significant other. I Immediately cut off all comunication but felt bad for his partner who has no clue. I'm not one to get into that drama as it never ends well for the third party. I'll just forget it ever happened and karma catches up with him. Good luck, hope it works out for you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Ok girrrrrrlllll if I was you I would tell him this "FYI don't be surprised if you see new conversations with other guy they're only friends so you have nothing to worry about" and see his reaction then confront him tell him how do you feel when I told you I'm gonna start flirting with other men? Did you like it? Well that's exactly how I feel when you flirt with other girls. And put him on the spot I don't know how you look physically but girl I would start looking sharper and hit the gym do my makeup show him that you appreciate yourself do it for you and make sure your selfsteem grows.

miamigirl1970 · Accepted Answer

Yes, he is hiding things from you, not good. If he doesn't openly share these relationships with you, he is having minimally emotional affairs. Something isn't working in your marriage. I know, I have been a woman on the other end. I have written my first MYTake about emotional affairs... anytime you don't disclose or you hide something from your spouse that is a serious red flag. Have a conversation about it. If he continues, you need to decide if you want to continue being disrespected. That is exactly what he is doing to you. Best of luck

Wonderer89 · Accepted Answer

It would open up a lot of mistrust. If everything else except this has been good then I would make it clear it's unacceptable and that he's broken your trust with it.
Anything like this going forward is cheating, as he is now very clear on where your boundary is and for me that's the difference. Deliberately choosing to step over your partners boundary is definitely cheating

joeywalnuts85 · Accepted Answer

Anyone who wouldn't care about it either doesn't really love their spouse and knows that they themselves are doing something worse , or are so narcissistic that they believe nobody would ever cheat or enjoy the attention from the opposite sex because their sooooooo awesome. The mistake you did make however is confronting him until you had gathered more information because now he will know too be much more careful in the future. And don't feel bad about looking at his Facebook because your not some high school relationship that has lasted a few months. You are married with a child and have invested so much into this person and have every reason to be sure that they are worth it

Browneye57 · Accepted Answer

This is what is called an 'emotional affair'. When one or the other finds it entertaining to invest their thoughts and feelings with someone other than their mate. It can be totally unrelated to the other spouse, or a direct cause, hard to know for sure without getting them to cop to it.

You might find out how you two are relating that maybe could be better for him. Perhaps he would get off on being sexually explicit with you. Or are one to spurn him, turn him down? He's getting something somewhere else instead of getting it from you.

NyomiMcClinton · Answer

So just because you haven't found any evidence of him actually hooking up, your still going to let it go? You have seen the evidence. Its him flirting with women online. And trust me. im pretty sure he has met up with up with someone before, you just haven't found out about it. Probably never will. Your husband sounds like a good cheater. It probably was a one time thing with a female and that was that. Do you really want to trust that he will stop doing what he is doing? Sounds like he is addicted to flirting and chatting with females online. And that is a VERY big problem. Now I can see if he flirted every so often, hooked up with a female and left it at that. But he is CONSISTENT with what he is doing. There is no way you should have to deal with that.

YaBaba · Answer

He is crazy, lol
Of course his behaviors are unacceptable.

"... maintains that his intentions were pure.." LOL, yeah ok.-_-

Umm it doesn't matter if he met or not; he is still talking inappropriately/ flirting with girls online.

Cheating is not just physical;

If it was long time ago, and he does not do this anymore/has not done it in years, then I guess let it go, if you can.

But if he still does it, he needs help. If you wanna make your marriage better, you two need to be on the same page; I suggest counseling but I have a feeling he won't agree to it.

AustinJ456 · Answer

Certainly not overreacting... I think it's absolutely absurd for him to be doing that. He's your husband! He made a commitment to you, and flirting (especially with that many women, Christ) shouldn't be tolerated. Give him a stern warning that if you find anything like that again that there'll be consequences and tell him you're trusting him that there isn't anything else (usually that makes them want to come out and be honest about whatever else there might be)

AlphaMale1 · Answer

Hun, you have a probable future cheater on your hands.
It makes sense why you are obsessed with this as you have to wonder what else he is hiding from you.
He is chipping away at the trust in your relationship. Once this happens it is impossible to ever bring the level of trust back to where it was.
Ask yourself... Do you believe you will still be with this guy in a dozen years?

BaeBeeee · Answer

It's being unfaithful, for sure. If he truly means what he says and doesn't continue with the behavior then I would say that it's excusable. But if he was to do it a second time or continued even after what he said then I'd have to break it off.

danyalovettie44 · Answer

I think that's cheating. The real question is why are you looking through his social media and emails?

lovydoey · Answer

No. He should be faithful to u. Divorce him, or get couple therapy or talk and see where in your relationship did u guys started to separate from each other. Communication is key

jemjem2017 · Answer

you are not overacting it is a reality of a cheater, you need to talk to him. heart to heart talk so you know what the next step you need to do

This_is_my_username · Answer

You tell him to fuck off with that shit and that it's your final warning. Or you'll leave. Or leave now and never deal with his shit

Cosytoasty · Answer

So (very) friendly greetings followed by mundane conversation. Most people do worse than that at work.

pooper89 · Answer

You're not overreacting. Threaten to leave him. Scare him; Make him beg for you. Then give him one more chance.

BeastRB · Answer

Not overreacting at all. In fact you might be under reacting.

Anonymous · Answer

You are not over reacting. What would you think if your little girl was dating a guy like your husband? Seriously, both of you would tell her to dump him.

es20490446e · Answer

Not overreacting at all. He simply has lax standards.

TryingToWriteBooks · Answer

I would just accept that it's one of his odd quirks and get on with life.

WhaChaChaKing · Answer

You aren't overreacting. in my opinion what he did is cheating. I'd leave him.

Jager66 · Answer

I've got no tolerance for shit like that.

BeautifulPromisesx · Answer

Fuck that shit.  I'd leave him.

singlebee · Answer

Not overreacting... At all..

fuuuck · Answer

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