Why do women think they need men to protect them?

Question

I'm extremely fit, I took self defense lessons, and I carry pepper spray on me.  I don't need or want a man who thinks he needs to double as my bodyguard.  Why do women seem to feel that they should rely on guys to do this for them instead of take matters into their own hands?  Its pathetic really...

hisangel · Accepted Answer

First off, there are pacifists in both genders. Not everyone feels comfortable fighting. It's just more acceptable for a woman to say she wants protection. But there are guys that hang around tougher guys for protection.

My following statements may be harsh but I'm not intending them to be. But I am very concerned by the general naive tone that a lot of women seem to have on this situation.

I don't know your background but let me tell you how it was for me. Where I grew up you had to walk like you had the biggest d*** on the block, even if you were a woman. You had to look like anyone who stepped to you would get messed up. But no matter how tough I looked, having a guy with me pacified situations. No matter how tough you think you are, when you are walking down a f***ing slum with 6 guys standing on a corner eyeing you, it's not a pathetic woman thing to take a guy with you. It's the intelligent thing to do. Girls who think they can handle it are the ones who get themselves in trouble. And if you didn't live with a man, you owned a dog that looked like he would rip someone's nuts off.

I don't want to be cruel but I think it's very naive of you to suggest that every part of this world can be handle with a can of pepper spray. There are parts of this world where even men won't walk down the street by themselves. That's why gangs exist. Because in certain parts of the world, the prideful, who think they can handle it themselves, die alone.

One of the things that is priceless to me about my partner is this. He is the most kind, gentle man I have ever know but he grew up in a bad neighborhood too and you can see it in how he holds himself. Anyone who knows anything knows he will be a problem for them just by looking at him. Not because of how fit he is but because of how he holds himself. There are places I go where I make him go with me. Because I will say it again, having a man with you pacifies situations. Not just any man, but a man that looks like that. It's like having a pitbull on a chain.

I'm not pathetic. I was never allowed to look like anything else then the mother f***ing man! But I have enough street smarts to sum up situations and know that having a man with you that knows how to walk like he is also the mother f***ing man will keep the issue from starting in the first place. He has my back and I know he is good in a fight. It's what they call "An ounce of prevention." Why should I have pepper spray or ever have to show off how I can fight when having a guy stand next to me who looks like he will pull on a knife on you if it turns bad, will stop people from even starting? I'm not going to get stabbed so I can die on a hill of feminist hopes.

You have pepper spray, I have a man. The difference between yours and mine is mine keeps the problem from happening. And if you don't understand that then you haven't been in enough situations where you were afraid for your life.

peace-love-couture · Accepted Answer

Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs:

-Self Actualization

-Esteem

-Love and Affection

-Safety and Security

-Physiological

I'm 16,I'm 5'3 1/2,I always carry pepper spray wherever I go,it's attached to my key.A person can take all of the self defense classes they want,carry a gun,pepper spray,a knife and that does not guarantee safety.At the end of the day,millions of things could happen.I do think everyone should be able to protect themselves,whether male or female,single or taken,gay or straight.But what if I can't spray my pepper spray fast enough,which btw,you shouldn't rely on because it doesn't ensure safety and millions of people are immune to it,what if I don't think fast enough,you can plan plan plan,but in the heat of the moment,no one thinks clearly..no one.

It isn't pathetic,it's called human nature.Since evolution,men have been the "protectors,gatherers and hunters" and it never hurts to have someone bigger,heavier and stronger than you for extra protection.

I'm all for females being strong,independent and successful,but there's a line where self proclaimed " feminists" who are actually indeed feminazi's,need to realize,both men and women need each other,whether it's protection,pro creation,both need on another.

Back in the day,physiological needs were met by men.Men provided basic needs such as food,clothing,shelter,water etc.The man protected her from harm and danger,they loved each other and felt secure with one another,both felt good about themselves and realized what they could do for themselves and society

TheCheshireCat · Accepted Answer

Because physically speaking, men are stronger than women.

An average man is taller and heavier than an average woman.

Men are over 30% stronger than women, especially in the upper body. Although many feminists cannot face this fact, females simply do not have the strength or endurance necessary to be, for example, effective combat soldiers.

Men have larger hearts and lungs, and their higher levels of testosterone cause them to produce greater amounts of red blood cells

Differences in intake and delivery of oxygen translates into some aspects of performance: when a man is jogging at about 50% of his capacity, a woman will need to work at over 70% of her capacity to keep up with him.

Men’s skin has more collagen and sebum, which makes it thicker and oilier than women’s skin

Women generally have a greater body fat percentage than men.

That being said, I do think women need to overcome their weaknesses, & learn to take care of themselves. Men will not always be there to protect a woman, & if that day comes, a woman will have no choice but to defend herself.

AnonymouslyKnown · Accepted Answer

Strictly speaking, women don't need a man to protect them. There's no reason that an intelligent woman can't protect herself.

That said, your self defense lessons and pepper spray aren't going to stop an attacker who most likely has a significant weight advantage on you. It's a fact of life that men biologically almost always weight more than women, and have a much easier time putting on muscle mass than women.

That weight difference is telling in any confrontation. I don't care if you're a man or woman, I don't care if you've studied every form of martial art known to man. If someone has a 100 pound weight advantage on you, you're going to have a very hard time winning a confrontation. To create the force needed to harm someone, you need weight behind your hits unless you plan to use moves which use someone's momentum or body inflexibility against them. Unfortunately, those moves are very easy to defend against.

I'm not trying to put you down, I think it's great that you've taken steps to defend yourself. However there's a world of difference between a class and real life.

That said, you may look into carrying a weapon besides pepper spray if you really feel unsafe. Pepper spray at the commercial level is often watered down to the point of being nearly ineffective if you can't hit someone full in the face at close range. Even then, many brands have the tendency to lose pressure over the product lifetime. Getting a CCW & firearm, or possibly a baton would be a good addition to anyone who truly fears for their safety.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

fairytales - every girl wants her knight in shining armer and every guy wants to rescue a damsil in disitress, they want this even if they don't admit it,  its not about being fit, its not about being strong, its the fairytale everybody wants it, phycologically girls want to be the princess and guys want to be the prince

Bruce · Answer

I admire your independence and your self confidence and your wish to defend yourself without help...

...the woman being dragged into the back seat of a car by her hair, and being held up against the front seat by the 300 pound haystack asshole...was pathetic...for being there...in a helpless position...waiting to be battered or beaten...

...when I intervened...she broke loose and ran...pathetic...and I was there, alone, to face down her attacker...

Don't be so sure of yourself...I'm not...don't be arrogant about your ability to defend yourself against a larger, much heavier, stronger, attacker...

When it comes, if ever, you won't see it coming, like a terrible car crash...a rape or an attempted rape, your pepper spray will probably be used on YOU...not against your attacker

as you will not have time nor the presence of mind to use it...assault and induce shock.

Just be aware of your surroundings...the people around you...don't go alone at night on foot in ANY unfamiliar area...I don't pray, I prepare...

I hope it never comes,but if it does...prepare...for that day...

Bruce

Cluelesswithmen · Answer

That's how men are programmed. They are born to learn how to provide and protect, its all apart of being a man.

He may not feel the need to protect you if you are fit and know self defense. Please realize that your a queen as all of us females are however, what makes a man a king is the woman who steps down to him and give him that power to be a man is what makes him appreciate you...

I know how to fix things, yet I always used to ask my ex boyfriend if he can reach this or if he can open the bottle for me because he is stronger than I am. It's kinda like you saying, "hey hun, can you please give me a hand with putting this exercise machine together with me, it's really confusing and because your a handy guy, it looks complained so you would be a big help. I don't wanna hurt myself by building it incorrectly". You have stepped down (even though the instructions are so simple and you can do it yourself) you let him take the lead and you are the guide. You are showing him that you can help him in this task and you didn't just throw it on him, but you need him to "lift, screw the bolts in, etc." All the things men are programmed to do so they feel strong and helpful.

If you decide not to step down and play the lady role, he is gonna wonder why you need him or any man at all... He will think that there is nothing special about him and you only want someone, anyone to love you... You don't really need him nor do you want him to do the repairs around the house. If you get jumped, well you'll be alright. You got your pepper spray. The point I'm trying to make is if you want him to treat you like a lady you need to act like one. If you can take care of yourself then what role will the man play in your life? The eye candy? You might be a tough girl but you still need to be his heart, that's where his love is...

Kripter · Answer

Er. One of those traditional things, women and men are completely different and no matter what people might like to think, a woman can never be as strong as a man (with a few exceptions) but that doesn't mean a woman can defend herself. - Of course I'd like to see a man push a human out of a the size of a lime and see who's stronger then - har har har.

ANYWAYS, it's not completely how it is, don't make assumptions that's how most women are, but there are some and if they like it, they probably read sh*tty romance novels like twilight or something. It's just a security thing because like I said, women aren't as burly as men, and I suppose they seek that comfort...?

THEN AGAIN these days our men are so scrawny or gym originated muscle heads that its questionable how well they could protect a girl.

BUT it's still great that you're taking self defense class, take one every option you get, better yet take some of that ninja sh*t. Just because a girl isn't /as/ strong as a man, doesn't mean she can't protect herself.

shf84 · Answer

YES YES YES YES! A woman after my own heart! I can not tell you how often I have made this very argument and had to fight off an army of spineless girly girls who wanted to hide behind their daddy. I have even had weird reactions from girls like that where they talked sh*t about me and tried to backstab me in some way because my views terrified them.

It is SO DAMN GOOD to hear a woman talk like she has a brain in her head and a normal back bone keep speaking out!

Listen to the men on here see how they talk about violence toward women and how you need them to protect you? Your witnessing the patriarchy in action! This degenerate attitude is how men keep women dependent on them and keep them down. What they are NOT telling you is there are a LOT of men who are no stronger than you some men are very small or in very poor shape and are left to fend for themselves any way they can and no one EVER talks about how they need to be protected. DON'T LISTEN TO THAT BULL SHIT THEY LIE! This is all about using the threat of violence to force women into an oppressive social role!

Koncieved · Answer

I find that sexy, a woman who can take care of herself. Of course you being extremely fit caught my eye too. Typically women will want or even feel the need to have a man by their side to 'protect' them. Most women are not like you, I might be generalizing, but I believe women tend to lack fitness and the ability to fight, often women who end up fighting will slap and pull hair- ineffective at best. Factually speaking men are physically stronger than women, it's just that way, you can't change it, males will always be potentially stronger than females. Although that really doesn't matter as much as most people think. A woman who knows how to fight and defend herself will knock the sh*t out of any average man who does not know how to fight(Most people in general including men, lack the ability to fight with some sense)

When the male is not average in size, you will be at a sheer disadvantage, say he's 250 pounds and built like a brick. Under such circumstances it just becomes physics and you probably won't be able to defend yourself. It's the reason for weight classes in professional fights, if there were to be a woman in the weight class of a man give or take a weight class, it will ultimately come down to who's the more skilled fighter.

Anyways, kudos to you for taking self defense lessons and being extremely fit, unfortunately you don't see that too much these days.

AFchick89 · Answer

Because its the natural way of things..its been like that since the dawn of time.most women are hepless and dnt know how to defend them sleves. Its a womens thought process ahem!..(most women)..its literally a chemical difference in men and women. Trust me I'm in the military and yea I know how to defend my self but studies have shown that we as women can not do certain jobs in the military because we are emotional thinkers and men well they have a natural instinct to protect us so, if we did combat realted jobs we would put men in danger. men dnt protect other men..they have an emotional connection with women so naturally they would put themsleve in harms way to help us if we were in danger...so like I said its literally just the way things are its how women think its not only a chemical process but an emotional need that women or driven by to have that from the more dominant being hence MEN..Personally I'm one for equal oppurtunity ..i wish they wouldn't base these studies off a percentage of women there are a few out there that can hold their own cough*me *cough..  ;)

cacapisu · Answer

It doesn't matter how strong you are these days. You can be champion at kickboxing and your girlfriend would get raped while you are at work.

Girls are raped when they are alone, you can't be with your boyfriend 24/24

Also I have met girls that know that if they go home very late and alone in some neighborhoods they will most certainly get harassed, and I've warned her also, still they do it and then call me to say what a crap night she had and they slapped her ass while getting back home etc. (the only explanation I found for that is that they are looking for it, looking for the thrill)

Like anonymous user said(best answer IMO):

"fairytales - every girl wants her knight in shining armor and every guy wants to rescue a damsel in distress, they want this even if they don't admit it, its not about being fit, its not about being strong, its the fairytale everybody wants it, physiologically girls want to be the princess and guys want to be the prince"

They are sexually attracted and they feel safe but that's all.

Anonymous · Answer

Ahh jeez, there always has to be one chick who has to get all feminist on our already feminist asses.

Seriously, I'm 6'0" and look like I could take care of myself (and I have enough in me to if it needs to be done, no question there).

And you know what my dilemma is right now in trying to decided whether to go for this guy I may or may not like? I'm not sure he's masculine enough. Could he, hypothetically, take care of business if it came down to it? With all the strength, fight and aggression I could generate in a situation where I need to defend myself, I would feel better if my companion had even more, it's just how it is. It's what makes me feel like a woman instead of a man, my partner being stronger and better built to protect than I am.

It's biology, it's instinct, it's gender roles, it's how we're raised, it's all of it. There's nothing wrong with it. As long as a woman remembers that it's what's inside her head that really counts. You can defend your butt all you want but if you're a total airhead ... now that really IS pathetic.

Anonymous · Answer

To be honest, women do not have to look for bodyguard. But the behavior of wanting men bodyguard and dominance is learned and nurtured behavior rather than biological.  BUt you question is address as why? Simply because they are not confident of themselves. Don't be disgusted or surprised by this because it is nurtured and learned behavior as  you learned self-defense and idea of carrying pepper spray. By the way, pepper spray won't stop man who wants to hurm you any way. Maybe carry pistol. Lolz. Second, women are less strong them man. They are less able to tolerate dreadful pain such as broken hips or legss and fighting back is hard. Not all women but we are talking about the larger percentage. Second, not a lot of women take self-defense skills and grow up household where they have always treated with the idea "oh my little adorable girl can't do that, won't do that, should be safe, protected". It might seem nice but often it is leading to women become acustomed to this behavior and lose self-comfidence of standing up for themselves. Again not all women because you are a woman too. Finally, you are still young and have to you know the man dominace and realities. Talk to mothers. :D

colegrl · Answer

I agree with you. A women does not need a man to protect her ever.

As for all the other commenters, I am very shocked at the ignornace present. First of all, the idea of "natural" needs to be thown out. There is no natural way to be a guy or a girl. Gender in itself is just a social construct. Notice I said gender, not sex. Yes there are biological differences between male and female. But the idea of masculine and feminine? Those are social constructs.

Yes men typcially are stronger than women. Does the mean all women should live in fear and constantly need to be babysat? Hell no. How about we bring up boys to teach them not to hurt, not to rape? I am sick of people thinking it is the women's responsibility not to get attacked. She could be drunk, naked, and kissing you but guess what, she still has the right to say no, to change her mind. If a guy cannot conrtol his sexual impulses, then he should not leave the house. But I digress.

A lot of the commenters seem to assume every girl wants a man in her life. What about lesbians? Gender-queer women? Where do they fall in this discussion?

ShesMygirl · Answer

Tell me...have you ever been attacked?

I had a girlfriend who was raped when I was in my early twenties. Wanna know one of the things she said that really stuck with me?

"I knew guys were strong, but this was different. I felt like he could have snapped me in two without trying hard."

Don't sling words like pathetic till you have a clue what you are talking about.

Try arm wrestling a guy...then tell me how well you would do up close...with him behind you...an arm locked around your throat, and your vision closing in as you fight for air.

Until you are actually in a situation, you have no clue how you are going to react.

Self defense means absolutely nothing if the other person knows more than you do, or takes you by surprise. Tell me...how you are going to use pepper spray if you are unconscious?

I truly believe women ought to know how to defend themselves.

I take issue when one talks others down for who they are.

aoirthoir · Answer

Some girls don't need someone to protect them. Some do. Some men don't need someone to protect them. Some do. A LOT of this is circumstance based. If someone with a gun (man or woman) tries to jump me, you better bet I, a man, need protecting, since I don't carry guns. The problem is not that someone thinks she needs a man to protect her, or that another woman doesn't need a man to protect her.  The real problem is those that think EVERYONE has to be LIKE THEM. It is nothing but unearned privilege when we take a person to task for feeling the need to be protected. Maybe she has an experience different from yours, so her needs are different. What if she is differently abled? Are you, in your able bodied, unearned privilege, going to tell her she can't have someone to protect her if she wants? What if she is smaller than you? What if her personality makes it harder for her to hurt someone, even in self defense, when they need it? What if she is stronger than you and has defended herself but just doesn't want to? We all at times need help and holding others to task, SHAMING them because they don't fit your view of how people should be, is offensive.

tex151 · Answer

I knew a chick who had the feminist  attitude of I don't need a man I  am  independent and all this bull sh*t, and she even took self defense classes to.  Well one day she was way up on her high horse and I had to knock her right off of it.  I told her ok attack me then and we will shall see what happens.  She did and I had her pinned  on the ground in two seconds.  Point is most  men are bigger than women unless your a body builder, so yes you will need a guy when the time comes.  You won't be saying women relying on men is pathetic when you actually do get in a fight with a guy who intends on hurting you.

markml · Answer

Because that's the way it works in the animal kingdom, and also the way it has worked in human evolution for thousands of years BEFORE pepper spray was even invented! If you feel you don't want a man to protect you, that's fine... But don't insult men by implying that you no longer need us, simply because you have replaced us by a cheap can of pepper spray instead! If back in the day, you would have been able to fight like an amazon warrior and hold your own the same way every man in those days had to, then go ahead and say, "We never needed men to protect us!" At least admit that the role of men protecting women was at one time important...and so that's why while women may not need men to protect them anymore, there's absolutely nothing abnormal about them wanting it.

CynicalSam · Answer

Well I'm not very fit, never taken a martial arts class in my life, and I am absolutely positive, that if I was a rapist, and I wanted to rape you, I could.  Your overconfidence is dangerous.  A once-a-week class that teaches you how to knee a guy in the balls and a small container of a semi-noxious chemical is not enough to even the fight against someone who literally has 60 lbs  more muscle than you do, and that is without introducing things like knives, guns, tire irons, or who knows what else into the equation.  If you want to tell yourself you don't need a man, fine by me, I don't care, but don't convince yourself that you are any less of a target.

loverorbestfriend · Answer

Cut this feminism bullsh*t out...women need men for protection not just in your DNA and genes (written ahead of your birth btw) but because pepper spray and or self-defense lessons only take you so far, and by the way, men invented both...not to sound sexist  because I'm not, it's  just irritating when people try to think the sexes are all equal, no way, men are better at some things (incl. protecting) and women are better at some things, and together, that is where the gold is, so, instead of trying to act all independent woman (which will change as you age), note that you need men for protection one way or the other...remember, a man who knows self-defense can defeat a woman who knows self-defense and pepper spray doesn't work on everyone, and, when it comes to TRUE self-defense, men occupy 96% of the armed forces in artillery and infantry, the true protectors of society...think with your mind, not with your emotions...

ekat22 · Answer

I don't think its so much that they "need" protection, but rather it feels great when a man stands up for you. There seems to be this romantic element about it, and not even just in a sexual way. For example, an obnoxious drunk guy wouldn't get his nasty beer breath out of my face one night while out with my cousins. My male cousin finally intervened and told him to get away from me,sure I didn't NEED my cousin to do that. But, it felt great that he cares about me enough to defend my honor. I think we are closer because of it.

nollie33 · Answer

I think it's great that you are taking control of your safety and not depending on others to do it for you, but I don't think that having someone else watch out for you is pathetic. Regardless of any personal measures I might take to be safer, I still think most males would trump whatever effort I could make. It may not PC to say, but males are more intimidating and *generally* stronger. Even though I believe that is the case, I still believe every girl should take her own safety seriously and be pro-active about it, just as you have. I'd like to take some self defence classes too, but for now I carry pepper spray and I'm working on getting my permit to carry a concealed handgun.

dollme777 · Answer

i think you have things misconstrued a tad, yes there are some girls that want a man like that for those reasons and maybe because she can't take it into her own hands, maybe she doesn't want to. Also there are some girls that just want to feel protected they like that masculine feel they don't want a wimp for a boyfriend even if they where a girl that could handle there own. I want to know that my guy could protect me and that he isn't a bitch and believe me I can handle my own but I want him to be able to do the same. who wants a wimp right? Its not pathetic at all to each is own you know?

CuddlyCarla · Answer

From a biological perspective, women pursue dominant men as well as men who are assertive and confident because they are more capable of protecting them. The instinct is a cavewoman throwback but there nonetheless. For the record, I am a strong woman too who can kick some major @$$ but that doesn't stop me from being interested in a strong man. And sorry, I've taken self defense classes and psychology courses myself, a biological male is still inherently stronger, it's a fact. You can be as tough and prepared as you want to be, they still have the advantage and always will. I agree you should do what you can to protect yourself on your own though, but biology is a reality.

Why do women think they need men to protect them?

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