I noticed on this website lots of the guys seem to dislike it when women wants men to open doors for them or giving your coat to them when she's cold or paying for a date.. I get why guys would not like it if the woman claims to be a feminist and wants the same rights and still wants to have her cake and to eat it and still wants privileges.. but i don't see why it should be such a issue when a woman likes traditional values and gentleman and the way guys use to be if she doesn't have the feminist views... what is your opinion?
Why do so many men hate it when a woman wants chivalry/gentlemen?
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I think the big problem is that there is a disconnect in chivalry and treatment of women and how the person doing the good things perceives the situation.
There's nothing wrong with doing good things for someone if you truly want to do them. But don't expect anything from it. I hold doors open for people all the time. Often I don't even get a thank you. But you know what? I wanted to hold the door open. I don't get mad and yell at them or make a scene because I didn't get rewarded or recognized for my good behaviour. I did it because I'm a decent human being and if I was holding shopping bags, I would want someone to help me with the door too.
I think part of the problem with some guys not liking chivalry is due to not getting anything in return. I get it's frustrating when you are going out with someone, you pay for the date, hold open doors and are polite to them, that they don't want to see you again. But you know what, you should be doing those things because you want to and not to get something out of the situation.
If you aren't comfortable paying for dates without getting a relationship or sex out of the situation, then I have a simple solution. Do not pay for dates.
You are not obligated to pay for anything for anyone. If you offer to pay, do so because YOU want to pay. I've offered many times to pay for my dates meal. I've had guys pay for my meals too. I always reciprocate in paying for the next date.
I do this not because I want them to have sex with me. I do it because I genuinely like them and want to pay.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Well why should he give you his coat? Its one thing to be nice by holding doors and what not BUT there is a certain line drawn where women feel obligated for a man to go out of his way just to please her. For example, some women still think men should allow ladies first, you want his coat because you forgot yours. Some women expect men to GET UP from their seats just so they can sit. The only time this is justifiable is when someone man or woman is a elder, holding something heavy or a child. A person does not get to take your seat just for being a women, and a person does not get to take your coat when its cold just for being a women.
Hahaha girl I completely agree! Thankfully that is just a gag world problem and not a real world problem here. Like unless both of your hands are broke... hold the door. That's called being polite and men, women, and even children do that for the most part around here. Get up and let the elderly lady with a walker have your seat. I do that as a woman for people. I mean come on. Be a decent person, it isn't that hard or energy draining.
All these manly girls who apparently glare at kind men who hold the door and little boys who let the door slap an old women in the face can have one another. Leave me the grown men.
holding doors for everyone is reasonable, getting up for older people is reasonable. The girl who asked the question is also asking for the mans coat, really?
yeah, of course there are people out there who are nice. But some people feel obligated for something and its off putting. Im a nice person, but if someone expects me to do something for them then I won't. One time I saw this lady standing near a door and waiting for someone to open it for her. it was as if she felt she was to goo to open the door herself
@guysaskgirls101 i don't think that deep into it. I just go about my day and open and hold doors for people because I was raised to be polite. I pick up something if someone dropped it, I say excuse me, I just try to be a decent person even if someone is a jerk. How does that quote go, "better to be the one who smiled than the one who didn't smile back". I just would rather be positive.
yeah that is a right way to go, but people also do have feelings too. Like a girl literally snatched the door from a guy when he was holding it for her child then gave him a nasty look. If that was me I would be enraged and I can't really fake a genuine smile. If im angry im angry and I have no problem expressing how big of a jerk someone is
oh trust me, it does happen. there are girls out there who think they are being hit on when someone holds the door for them or they have a chip on their shoulder and think ''i can do it myself''
A lot of them think all women are the same because of a couple of bad experiences. They say that women have changed over the decades (so you're not 24 as your profile claims :P) and don't deserve the same kind of treatment as before, that they're all money hungry gold diggers, and that because we appreciate men being chivalrous to us that we won't do anything nice in return ever.
"A lot of them think all women are the same because of a couple of bad experiences."
You aren't wrong!
I hold doors open for everyone - male, female, young, old - makes no difference. But twice in my life (both in the late 90s, when RadFem was at its peak) I was BERATED by women for holding a door open for them. I don't mean just a passing comment or snarl - I mean a full-on SPEECH, in public, about how I was belittling her because I believed she wasn't capable of opening her own door.
For the girls wondering why chivalry is dead, they need only track down their local RadFem group (available on any public college campus) and you'll learn all you need to know.
I think it's amusing when a woman wants chivalry, but won't hold up her end of the bargain. Maybe they ought to look at who chivalry was extended to (noble Ladies, not commoner wenches), and what was expected of them (hint: not spreading their legs for whoever made them wet, nor being disagreeable, entitled, bitchy, and just generally unpleasant to be around).
Also, the whole chivalry thing is a bit of a misnomer. The chivalric code only had a very small bit about how noblewomen were to be treated. It was mostly a code of courtly conduct and conduct in war, including how to deal with a defeated enemy. Again, it mostly applied to nobles. Nobility were ransomed. Commoners... they probably got new careers as mulch.
As far as the behavior commonly called chivalry, it's real simple: it doesn't get laid. You pay for a woman's meal/movie ticket, open and hold doors, be the perfect gentleman... and after you drop her off at home and get MAYBE a hug, if you're lucky, she calls up Scumbag Steve, who comes over and bangs her brains out, raw dog, for the rest of the night.
One of the Principles of Economics is "People respond to incentives". Women have disincentivized a LOT of things that men used to do, and incentivized a lot of what used to be considered undesirable behaviors. They reward scumbags with sex, and then wonder why there are so many scumbags. It's like they don't understand Cause & Effect.
I have absolutely no problem with it AS LONG AS you advertise your position clearly, and don't try to have it both ways.
A guy who just met you has no idea whether you're a "traditional values" girl or a "feminist" or something in between - but the guy is the one who is likely to get ROASTED and labeled and blamed if he does the wrong thing or makes the wrong assumption - and remember: girls want the guy to make all of the first moves.
There are plenty of guys who want and appreciate girls who follow traditional values - they just don't want to be put in a no-win situation where she might be one or the other, and where anything he does is likely to be wrong. As long as he knows what her expectations are, he can either accept them or move on, but either way, he knows how to proceed - and that's all guys really ask for.
Because of the usual hypocrisy that comes with it. Usually the girls that complain about men not being chivalrous anymore, tend to be the girls that aren't ladies. See, there's millions of chivalrous guys out there, but you know who these guys go for? The ladies. Ladies really have no problem getting a gentleman. If you have trouble meeting one, then maybe you (not you in particular, but "you" in general) need to start changing your habits and acting like a lady.
I would never complain to a lady that says she wants her man to be a gentleman, because I know she's giving back. But when it's not a lady the one saying that, then it's hypocritical, and I would call her out on it.
Let's dissect this argument. Want: Traditional man with chivalry. Fun fact: The French lost the 100 years war to the English because of chivalry. In order for this to happen, there would be need a shift toward the past where the female submits to a man. She needs to be second class. Because women are not equal to men, it was the duty of men to provide extra care and act with decorum toward women. For example, adults treat children with extra care because they are not equal to adults. Because women are "equal" to men in the modern era, chivalry is antiquated.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
well, according to a lot of guys on here, there are a lot of girls/women who crap a brick if u do something like hold a door open for them because they feel like you're saying she's not capable of doing things for herself. And from personal experience... a lot of guys don't want to pay solo for a date because a lot of females these days are just using the guy to get a free night out. They have literally zero interest in the guy romantically and just want him to take her out and pay for her food and for her entertainment. Guys don't appreciate feeling used
We get annoyed at woman that demand we must do something a certain way. Things like holding the door open for someone that is behind you regardless of gender is just common courtesy but going on a first date do not demand or expect the guy is going to pay for you as it is not an entitlement, it is up to the guy whether if he wants to pay for you or not. If a girl try's to make me pay for her or demands it I will not and there will be no 2nd date but if doesn't demand then I might pay for her.
Because oftentimes not all the time... the woman requesting that doesn't return the favor. She isn't lady like she isn't respectable but demands to be treated like a princess.
that's the issue. so many women want it both ways. Me? I'm that guy. I claim go be among the last of s dying breed.. The Gentleman Gangster (bad boy and nice guy are not mutually exclusive traits). and would love to find a lady who wants to be treated like one
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Cause they don't want to sink to the bottom of the ocean like Jack while Rose goes on to marry and screw some other guy. They want to be the guy getting laid on the regular. Not the guy who dies.
Well... she loved him till the day she died and they knew each other what 3 days? most guys wouldn't have that affect on a girl after 3 days. and trust me when i say in plenty of cases being gentlemanly to a girl will get you laid.
Sorry but the universe is giving a very clear "fuck you" to guys who act like gentlemen. Out of self-preservation it's best to not do it. I don't want to die or become deformed. If wishing those things makes me hated then oh well.
Maybe... but he was a good person and acted on instinct.. even though you're not like that some people are willing to sacrifice things like that for others.
Like how do we know she's genuinely interested in us and won't just take a free ride for a bit before finding someone new? For me personally it's hard to trust someone to return value to me in the form of loyalty and whatever else, based on past experience...
Well, the door holding and shit. Not the coat lending or paying for the date, although most of the time IRL that's also not as big of an issue as people online make it out to be.
A man must always be chivalrous. it is the way that they are to be taught I guess due to it being a constant thing people could get annoyed with it. Even despite equality and female power (not sure what the term is to use) there should be chivalrous response to all situations. Though from the famales side it shouldn't be demanded but should be appreciated
Well, I like to be chivalrous towards girls, but I've noticed that's it's actually girls themselves on this website who hate it due to third-wave feminist brainwashings.
It sounds like the "fat" thing xD Third wave feminism is now associated with man hatting landwhales, so they had to change their name and consider themselves a "new wave". Just like fatties did by calling themselves curvy instead of fat, because fat was becoming "offensive". XD
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