How do you show an ex you've changed?

[Anonymous]

So my ex and I broke up a little while ago (about 3 weeks ago). He broke up with me and I am beginning to understand why more and more as days go by. At the beginning of the relationship, I was always very upbeat and happy, then out of the blue I got a vibe he wasnt very happy with me, so I brought it up with him, turns out I was just being paranoid. He was just upset about other things and I picked up on it in the wrong way. But I never shook the feeling for sum reason. So whenever I saw him, like when we went out, for like the first half hour or so I would be pretty down, you known not the person he was initially attracted to and I'm sure he picked up on it, because eventually he asked me if he was a bad boyfriend.i then told him I felt unappreciated, I don't know why I did, I was really just upset we didn't see each other more often. When he broke up with me his reasons were that he didn't feel the same way about me. He said that when we were together he felt guilty because he felt he made me sad, and the best thing to do was break up. I may have felt unappreciated but I wasnt, and by being sad he felt he failed as a boyfriend, and I know that made him feel less valuable and admired in our relationship. (Also when he asked me if he was a bad boyfriend I reassured him he wasnt by telling him I loved him.now that must have been confusing for him.) Though I've recently been diagnosed with cyclothymia, a very mild mood disorder, where I have trouble controlling emotions i.e when I should be happy I'm sad instead and can't willing snap out of it. But ill be starting treatment for it come August. I know my illness is what caused the break up because I was sad a lot for no explicable reason, and he thought it was his fault, he started to feel guilty, and then the lost feelings for me because being with me must have felt like a chore or a task. But everything was perfectly fine before I got so paranoid and sad.

So I guess my question is, how, in a months or so time, do I show him I've changed (with treatment my doctor says I should no longer have these unforseen and uncontrollable mood swings). I mean everyone says one way to get ur ex back is to show them how youve changed, but they never say how to go about it. Do I literally sit him down and explain what's going on or do I indirectly show him. It won't be until August mind you, but I still need to know how.thanks for any insight or suggestions in advance! =)

[elliego]

if your too scared to say it too his face for any reason, you should write it all in a letter, sit down when you have a spare few hours and write down everything that's on your mind. it has its pro's and con's tho. in a letter you can write down everything where as when you speak, you miss things out and regret not saying them after. were girls at the end of the day we all do it and it goes over in out mind over and over again and it makes you feel worse. but but the disadvantage is that you may not get a response. maybe meet him with the letter (if you want to write one.) and make him read it infront of you so he has no way of escaping lol :).also I wanted to tell you please don't blame yourself for the split up, I know you probably wish it was when you 1st started the relationship so you could replay it again. but you know everything happens for a reason, maybe you split with this guy because there's another great guy waiting for you round the corner. and back in the time what you were doing with your boyfriend seemed normal and you chose to do it at the time so you should never regret it. and some times no matter how hard you try with someone, its never enough. that's why your not compatable at the end of the day. and plus there's millions and gazillions of men out there ;) hoped this helped.

[Asker]

I wanted to write a letter, so I wouldn't miss anything, but I never thought of giving him the letter in person, that's actually a very good idea, because ill also know for sure he got it. its hard not to blame myself tho, its just because I was in a stable state when we first met and things were amazing, then I became depressed again. I just feel that once I get treatment ill be like I was in the beginning because ill be stable again, you know what I mean? anyway thanks for your advice =)

[elliego]

I hope it helped!! if you need any more help or help writing the letter just message me.. and good luck ;)

[Hercules]

You've got to tell him the truth, and promise with all your heart that you've changed. Telling him you felt unappreciated when you really didn't was a pretty mean thing to do, and I'm sure it hurt him. Maybe apologize for that too.

Also, take into account what kind of person he is, what he likes, etc. Use that knowledge to approach him better, also, you haven't told us if you're still friends with him or not.

I wouldn't mention therapy, just that you've got it under control now and you're ready to be yourself and have a good relationship, and that you do miss him.

He may not want to get back together with you, and if this is the case there's nothing that can be done. I hope it all works out though.

[Asker]

Well right now we're in agreement not to talk for awhile, but we will be eventually. And I already have explained and apologized for the unappreciated thing. And its not really therapy because its not like an event in my life caused this, I was just born this way, so it medication therapy.

[Hercules]

I wouldn't rule out an event triggered response. Things happen which affect us and we don't even realize it sometimes. I didn't know I had post traumatic stress until at least 10 years after what happened to me.

If it is something which needs to be medicated, what is the diagnosis? You can't be medicated without a diagnosis I believe.

[Asker]

Before we even broke up I was in the process of seeking a diagnosis, but I didn't tell me ex while I was, I don't know back then I was in fear of being judged I guess. Like I said its called cyclothymia and the treatment is a mood stabilizing drug, in most cases, lithium. I'm not being medicated yet because my doctor said I should chart my moods and mood swings. Then in August when I see her again she can have a better picture of my moods and then decide the best course of treatment for my situation

[Hercules]

Lithium is the best drug to start with. It is a natural drug, so there are like no side-effects. I'm sure it will help. Though, be sure to chart the mood swings, you may find they are caused by events which you can predict and avoid.