How do I get my boyfriend to stop taking me for granted?

He is a good guy with a lot on his plate. He works hard long hours and has a lot of family drama. He hurt his back and is tired all the time. But, I also work long hours at a high stress job, have a ton of family issues ( which everyone expects me to have the answers to and fix), I work hard physical labor too and I

injured my back and knee (I don't know who's pain is worse - he thinks his. It's not a competition for me).

ever though I am tired and busy I make time for him. Try to let him know I am thinking of him while apart ( our jobs are different days and hours, so are lucky to see each oter 1 hr per week).

he rarely answers my text, but now acts hurt

that I stopped texting him. I reminded him he didn't text either and he said he was too busy.

i'm not asking to be the center of his world. Just somewhere on his priority list. I need to know I mean something to him. I know he loves me in his own way and he tell me he is just bad at communication and has been his whole life. He tells me I am right when I call him out on rude behavior like not bothering to answer me or forgetting a date. He may even step up for a week, but the starts to slide.

how do I get him to realize this is important to me?

how do I get him to wake up and step up?

I'm not asking for wine and roses (though a romantic gesture would be nice), just a little effort.

am I being silly? Asking for too much? Being to demanding?

I don't want to be the needy girlfriend, but I don't want to be the door mat either.

help me out here! Tell me what you think.

Give me some ideas before I give up and walk away. I don't want to do that!

he is not trying to hurt me, he just gets lost in his own stuff.

I've been trying to set up a time for us to talk now and maybe spend more timetogether for for 3 days now, but he is too busy.<I am sorry to say I am getting a little mad and I hate that. I get mad. Chew him out and then feel bad and end up trying
to make it up to him. Since he is too busy to meet. I think I may put my feelings down in a letter to him. I need him to know and I write better than I can speak in person sometimes. Maybe it is not the best way, but I really don't know what else to do
i'll try not to place blame. Just tell him how I am feeling and what I need in a relationship. Map out some boundries and offer him the chance to do the same. Tell him I love him, but I am hurting now. Get things all out there and see how he responds
I mailed the letter yesterday. I said we need more time together and need to try to figure something that works for both of us. That I can see a distance growing between us and I don't want to loose what we have, but some thing need to change.
I said I was not blaming him. I just want to make things better for both of us. I thought that would be a start. He should get the letter today. There is more we will need to talk about in person, but this should let him know some of my feelings
I tried to catch him as he got of work today, but saw he was working late and busy so left. I guess the letter will have to do. He should get it this afternoon and then we will see how and if he responds. He tends to "check out" of things when he is busy
I know he has a lot on his mind, but I just can't let him put me on hold any more. I didn't say that is the letter. Just that I want both of us to be happy and protect our relationship. The rest will need to be said in person.
he called! Wanted to meet. We only ahd 30 mins. He was late for fire meeting. I was late to do something for family member ( caugt h*ll for it, but it was worth it). He got the letter and saidhe was sorry. He didn't realize he was hurting me.
we touched some key issues that we wil need to go into more later. I told him some of what I was felling and he promised to try harder and treat me better becaused he loved me and I anm worth it. I deserve it. Time and his actionswill tell. I hope he does
I didn't place blame and he seemed very worried that he had hurt me.We had a good talk. though too short. No ones fault on that. I hope we can make things work.We love each other. We justhave to keep working. We both deserve to be happy and treated right
we have been having some really good talks latley. No blame or guiilt, just honest talk about everything. It has been wonderful. I feel an ease between us that wasn't there before. I can't explain it - it just feels right.

we meet tonight and I'm not even sure how the conversation started, but I said something about I like to see where things ends up on something. He asked if I wanted to see how things end up with us. I wasn't sure what he meant. Then he said
"what is at the end of the road for us". I thought he was ending it right then. He saw the look on my face and quickly said not an end like that, but the end of one thing and the start of something new in our relationship. That's when he proposed.
I couldn't beleve it. In the beginning he had told me he might live with someone, but would never marry again. I said I could live with that and never expected more. So tonight it took his words a little while to sink in. I was so very happy and shocked.
I know we have a long ways to go, but I think maybe we might just have a chance. Will not rush into anything with him . To do things right, we need to take our time. He asked if forever with him scared me. I told him not at all.
as long as he is at my side, nothing will scare me.
Well, it's been 3 months since I asked this question. I talked to him. Told him how I felt & did not place blame. He said all the right things. Even asked me to marry him. Then turned right around and went back to his old tricks.
He got worse. Became more and more disrespectful. Was playing lots of head games & was not treating me right. I finally respected myself enought to leave him. All his nice words sounded great, but he failed to follow through on any.
I learned talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words. When his words failed to be true. I took action and left. Smartest thing I did in a long time. I feel happier now than I have been in months.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You can't make him realize how important you are. It's totally up to him and he's definitely taking you for granted. You might want to stop trying so hard. I mean he gets upset you don't text anymore, but he rarely texts you. And his excuse is he's busy well so are you. He's seems to be spoiled and just expect you to go above and beyond for him.

    For your second question, it's the same answer as the first one. You can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. I mean would you really want to force him to do things he doesn't want to do. It will just blow up in your face. Kind of like when he's great for a week but slips back to his old ways.

    If he is treating as you stated, then no it's not to much to ask. Especially if you are doing all you can to show him you appreciate him. And last but not least you can't make excuses for him (he is not trying to hurt me, he just gets lost in his own stuff). If that's the case why is he upset that you don't text him, when he doesn't respond. You made him the KING of your world and he knows it. Start taking care of yourself more and see what happens, either he starts appreciating you more or he leaves.

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      You are right. All the way around. I don't want to force him to do anything. He needs to want to.

      I tend to put others first and myself last in all my relationship - I am the care giver type, but never take care of myself or feel guilty if I do.

      I am sole caregiver for a very family member (long term illness), run the family business and work full time. In all those positions I have to be the strong one, the one who handles everything and even takes the blame.

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      Thanks. I think I will tell him I need to reset the priorities in my life and I need to change some things in our relationship. I'm not mad and I'm not blaming him. I just need to change a few things so I don't end up feeling hurt and dismissed all the time, then feeling resentment and chewing him out. That is not fair for either of us. I'm not going to push him into doing something he doesn't want to do. So feel the best thing it to meet him at whatever level HE sets.

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      I wil put in the same amount as he does and that way it will be more fair and balanced. If he gets mad about me doing the same amount as him - oh well. His problem. If he wants more from me - I need more from him. That's sounds pretty fair. I will try to put it in a way that is not harsh - just truthful..

      thanks again.