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Did he really love me?

I met a guy about a year ago and a half ago and we hit it off from the get go. We became really good friends. We were both married. My marriage was... Show More

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What Girls Said 1

  • Men get into affairs for all kinds of reasons - most of them very self centered ones. They may be feelin a little unloved at home or insecure, they may be craving their youth, or playing games with thier wife/partner. And sometimes they allow a fantasy or flirtation to go too far.

    Whatever the reason, when this man chose to sleep with you he made it very clear from the start that you weren't worth breaking up his marriage for. That's not love. He may have desired you, may have shown interst in you ,even compassion for your situation but he didn't love you - otherwise he would have left his wife and started a life with you.

    perhaps this man is not a perpetual adulterer -maybe he felt guilty for the way he behaved to both you and his wife. Perhaps that explains how he tried to "let you down gently" by being kind to you. But ultimately this man treated you no differently than your ex husband did. He used you for his own ends.

    I know that all of the above seems brutal maybe even unkind. I am sure you would rather think of your "friend" as misunderstood or torn by circumstances. But the truth is he was a married man who committed adultary with you KNOWING he was never going to leave his wife. He knew how vulnerable you were at that time and used it to his own advantage and now he doesn't want the consequences of his actions to leak into his home life so he has cut the cord.

    It sounds as though life has been pretty tough already but I would put this man in the same emotional place as your marriage and move on. Just like your abusive husband this guy can bring no joy or fulfillment to your life and more likely a whole heap more pain.

    Allow yourself to be angry ,even hurt if you must then decide not to waste any more energy on him - he really isn't worth it.

    Be gentle to yourself and hopefully your next relationship will be an equal partnership where your guy loves and respects you as you deserve.

    • Thank you, Caili for responding. What you said makes a lot of sense. It really does hurt to think that he never really loved me, but seeing it from that perspective will make it a whole lot easier to get over him. I feel kind of stupid for believing him, but I guess it's just experience gained. Thanks again for your comment. Shannyn

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