Long Distance Online Boyfriend Left Me? :(

[Anonymous]

I met a guy online over a year ago, we talked for many hours each day and enjoyed every minute of it. Well, we eventually started dating in April, but he was hesitant because the only way we could be together is if I got into the school by him next year. Everything was going fine, but we were really feeling the distance. We talked about everything, he knew all of me, and we both love each other very much.

Well on Friday he told me he couldn't do it anymore, and that he would have to leave me even though he promised he never would. Right now I'm in a panic because he's gone, and I don't want to lose him. This is someone I could have seen myself spending the rest of my life with, and he left me :'(

I never even saw this coming, or thought he would have left me. He doesn't have many other people than me, and I think he'll miss me during those many hours when we should have been talking. Sigh...I guess I just am wondering if you think he'll come to his senses and come back...? I'm so terrified he won't :'(

Updates

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Oh, also to be more clear, he said he was leaving me because he could not tolerate me not being there and it felt like an important part of his life was missing...

Updates

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I didn't ask what I should do, I know what I'm going to do, but do you think he will come back? :'(


I'm still going to go to school there in a year...

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Gosh guys, this is a place where we're supposed to help people with their questions. Almost no one has even answered my question yet. I'd really appreciate it if you would all treat my relationship like it is a real one, because to me that's what it is.

Updates

+1 y

Last night he signed on for a minute but then left...could this mean anything..?

[SCarolina]

Unfortunately, I do understand. Sometimes we are more intimate with the person online than we would ever be in real life. I had an online relationship for 8 months and we met for the first time. He was exactly like I had imagined, but still it didn't work out. I still miss him at times. People can say it's not real all they want, but let me tell you, he was and still is very real. So am I.

The thing here though is this guy told you he couldn't do it. You can't force him to. The best thing to do is to yes, let him miss you. Don't contact him for a while. He has to fear losing you more than his other fears. If that fear isn't enough, it just won't work. As much as we wish we could, we can't control the outcome. A year down the road it might be different, it may be about timing. for now though, you have to respect his request and leave it to fate. You just never know.

The hard part is living with that "What if". I think it will haunt me for a long time. We also build it up in our heads too I think. It's real, but since they aren't here, it is also somewhat fantasy. Do I really know this guy I talk to? No, not really. So easy to get caught up in that.

[Asker]

Thank you for being so understanding. I feel like he will miss me and come back....I hope :'(

I've been texting him....at first desperately, and now just good night/ good luck tomorrow etc. So you think it would be best to entirely stop texting?

[Anonymous]

hey I went through that once... well last year. we dated for 6 months and within those I felt as if I was on top of the world. Like we talked everyday, texted everyday, played games together, watch movies and all that. We talked about me going school near where he live and all that, when I graduate with my associates.We broke up because he just stopped contacting me a lot and when I asked what I was to him he said he doesn't know, and that really hurt alot. We ended up getting into a huge spat and stopped talking for months and now we're just friends and we still text each other and talk but part of me still likes him a lot but I don't think he feels the same for me, but I still do hope :/.

Its the same when someone face to face says they will never leave you and ditch you for someone else.. so I don't know what these other people are going on about.

However I do know a couple that's been together for a year now and they are going to meet each other for Christmas :) Like the way they talk to each other and to others is as if they are already living together ! it amazes me

[Asker]

I'm really sorry about your situation, I understand it unfortunately :'(

I'm terrified he'll get over me or stop having feelings...but if it was love then the feelings should never truly go away, right? I really really hope they don't go away :(

[greeneyedgal1]

I understand the 'attachment' or 'bond' established in online relationships. I have online friends and am close to two of them. Granted, they're not dating relationships but the premise is the same...it's hard to truly know the entire person until you have met in person. I am saying this because one day my online friend admitted some very personal things to me. I had NO idea about these things and certainly never perceived them while talking to him. It didn't affect our friendship it just reinforced how 'well' I knew him.

However, you are going to believe what you want to. I think if he truly misses you then he will return. I am sure he is just as attached and when his head clears, he will come to his senses. My friend and I had a misunderstanding and I didn't think we'd talk again. I felt a deep void in my life because we communicate every day and he is very special. We worked things out and agreed not to let pettiness ruin our friendship.

I know it's hard but try to be strong. I hope he returns and you both get past this hump.

Good luck.

[Asker]

Thank you so much, you are the first person to be truly understanding, and it means so much to me.

I am so afraid he won't return, but I can't imagine him not eventually returning. We talked for hours every single day, and now there will be nothing there to fill that time for me and for him. Just days before he left we talked about our future together and he said we'd have all the time to talk until we get very old because I was afraid of him giving up...

[Asker]

And then out of nowhere on Friday he tells me it's just too hard, he can't be happy for another year without me, and he wants to stop feeling so stressed about it. When I asked him about how he would be able to just stop talking to me he answered "I don't know." I don't know how he could do it either....if he's so stressed about me not being there in person I would think the stress would be so much greater if I was gone completely from his life.

[Asker]

Sorry, I know I'm rambling, I'm just so scared and would love to know if you have any more thoughts on this now that I've included a little bit more information. Thank you so much.

[greeneyedgal1]

I know it's difficult but you need to try to stay calm. I think you need to give him some space to think and clear his mind. I truly believe the adage "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I think if he really misses you, he will. I have seen it happen before. In the meantime, try to focus on yourself and the things most dear to you.

[Asker]

Alright, thank you so much.

[MaryD]

I just broke up with online boyfriend after one week because i dont want to deal with a long distance relationship. It is too stressful not to have a natural physical relationship. You want to be able to see that person and do things with them in real life. Like bowling or sex or make each other a meal. Or just be together without talking. I dont like talking all the time. and a guy you meet online could have other women on line. Or even off line. There is no way of knowing that. I used to get on a chat line. Some of the guys that seemed very sweet and attractive on the phone when i met them in person i found i had no chemistry with them at all. . i mean not a bit. Its just not worth it to invest yourself unless you can meet soon in real life. I hope you do get to meet him in person at least so you can see this for yourself

[KERMlT]

If he is like me, when he made up his mind... that is it. I have had long distance relationships and they never worked out. I dated a girl from Cali that was rather young and I knew she was immature. She asked me if she moved in with me if I would mind if she saw other people.

I wasn't surprised that she ended up sleeping with a co-worker though I was p*ssed she waited 3 weeks to tell me. We are friends now and when she cries to me that she has never found a nice guy I remind her who she is talking to.

Best he broke it off then to cheat and lie about it.

[ryanontario]

although you took this online relationship seriously not everyone does take these things seriously and many people if they were to meet someone close by in real instead would go for them over the long distance online thing . its just human nature to want to date someone close by but at the same time we have an urge to not be alone which leads some to go for long distance online things if its all they can find .

anyways if you could find a relationship online I don't see why you couldn't find one in real life

[Asker]

I really don't want anyone else though, which is why I plan on waiting for him until next year. Do you think he will come back to me before that? That's what I'm really worried about :'(

[toulouse]

I am sorry you are having trouble and it really is not up to anyone to decide if its real or not -personally seems like you touched a nerve with a lot of very defensive people- so don't take it to heart. The argument that no one takes online relationships seriously is moronic as its obviously real to you which means these things can be real. Now if you actually want to go that school. then great just get in and let nature sort itself out. to try to get him now won't world you have to ket him realize he wants to be with u. I don t mean lie bit I assumed you've told him your heart already so he has the info.

So you just keep living your life and if you go to school meet up see how it goes good luck ^^

[Asker]

Thanks a lot. It is very real to me, I never believed it could have felt this real, but it does, and that's why it's breaking my heart :'(

[toulouse]

^ ^

[Standingpretty]

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles! Relationships are hard enough without the distance, so I can imagine the work you put into this relationship! As for you, I would say there's still hope because, the only reason he left you ( I am assuming) is because of distance and things might spark up again if you are going to be close to him again in a year. I would say take this time to work on yourself while remaining in contact and as friends with this guy and when the year rolls around and you get to see him in person, things can start again. I know the waiting can be hard but if he is really the one, it'll be worth the wait! Try not to think of him this year or get your hopes too high but really try to do things for yourself because it will be a rough year. Best of luck! ?

[Asker]

I wish I could remain in contact with him, but he cut off contact with me because not being able to be with me was stressing him out too much. Thank you for being so understanding though....I am going to try to work towards getting to him in a year, and in the mean time work on myself too.

[Standingpretty]

Yeah cause that's what's important right now.

[ionlywantyou]

he might come back and talk to you after a few months, guys are strong when it comes to anything actually..he can be lonely all he wants and not talk to you (even tho he would want to). And even tho you're going to go to that school in a year doesn't mean everything will be all right, things will change and so will he and you will as well...do your best to forget him, I know its REALLY REALLY hard but avoid being online or don't even turn on your comp if you think you'll want to talk to him..he'll come back to his senses eventually.

[Asker]

I really want to talk to him. I'm not letting someone I can imagine spending the rest of my life with get away....

[ionlywantyou]

Then use this motto "if you want something/someone, go after it/them"

[Asker]

Well...that's what I'm doing, trying my hardest to get to that school in a year...

[Justmean]

You can't get it don't you?

IMAGINE HIM LIKE HE WAS JUST A DREAM.

You fall in love with the way you created him in your mind,NOT with the way he really is.

YOU CANT EVEN KNOW IF HE'S AN AZZHOLE OR NOT.

JUST SHUT THE F## UP & STOP UPDATING BULLSH**.

Get A BOYFRIEND close to you & You will see that as the STUPIDEST THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE IN YOUR LIFE.

TRUST ME...

HE WENT ON THEN OFFline,THATS MEAN HE IS IGNORING YOU.

YOUR JUST WASTING YOUR TIME AND MY TIME BY UPDATING BULLSH**.

You just have too much hope in him,open your eyes and realize that it was a mistake.

So Do A FAVOUR IF NOT FOR YOURSELF THEN FOR HIM AND GET OVER HIM Also HELP HIM TO GET OVER YOU BY IGNORING HIM AND HIS MESSAGES.

END OF discussion.

[gotc147]

Uncalled for.

Why do people always insist on giving advice on topics they know nothing about? Until you really experience deep feelings for another human thn loose them you'll never understand that it doesn't matter where you met them.

Emotions know no boundaries, and are not discrimitory between text or verbal communications.

Go harrass someone else.

[Justmean]

Well..

Maybe what I said harsh..

Are you sure ?

I wouldn't answer the question if I didn't know anything about the situation..

She will see.

[gotc147]

Yes I am sure, I was in a very similar situation, only the girl I love DIED, she didn't just leave me.

[distt]

We can't treat your relationship like it's a real one because it ISN'T.

When you see 8 year olds holding hands with their girlfriends and boyfriends, do you treat them like a real relationship? No you don't, because the emotions that run through are different or undeveloped.

I am a geek. I am not one of those "cool kids" who have easy success with members of the other gender, and I need to tell you. Online relationships only work if it's mutual. He has lost the will to continue, and pestering him will only make you seem more desperate and unattractive.

Don't give me patronizing bullsh*t about how I don't know what I'm talking about. In his mind, he's already left, and there's nothing you can do. Take it as if your boyfriend dumped you in real life. He's not going to come back unless he WANTS to, and you chasing him and being desperate only worsens the situation.

[urdeadangel]

I dated a guy for almost 2 years but we lived 1800kms away but we still seen each other every couple of months and he was my first true love... we met online. It hurts but online relationships are so much stress and not being there kills you.. I couldn't go see him for his 18th and special things like that. Give it a few months and you will be OK (took me about 6 :( ) takes a while to replace the time spent talking to them but try and go out and fill in the time sat at home talking with actually doing something.. You may not feel like you will find someone like them but give it time and you will be happy again. If you really think its worth casing then case it, just be careful because we broke up because he couldn't handle the difference oh and I found out he cheated on me :( and I still got back with him and after another few months it ended again for good. Good luck =]

[rachiee]

If he really truly feels the way that he claims to have felt for you then yes he'll come back. But if he doesn't then that's his loss. Is this really the school you want to go to? No guy is worth changing your whole life around to be with unless you're 100% certain you'll be together. Does he know that you're going there? Honestly I think he's just not into the relationship as much as he was because the news of you going to school near him should have helped your relationship, not hurt it. Which makes me believe that he really did what he did not because of the distance, but because he's afraid of it becoming a relationship away from the internet. The best thing for you to do is to live your life and be strong. If he comes back then he comes back. But don't wait around for him and definitely don't go out of your way for him by changing your life if he's not even giving you his all.

[Anonymous]

youre 19...a year down the road you'll meet someone IN PERSON and realize that long distance relationships don't work...especially over the internet where you've actually never met the person...but relaly wtf your 19 why do you want to get married...go out and have fun...SOCIALIZE, MEET NEW PPL, PPL THAT ARE ACTUALLY IN YOUR TOWN...iof not move and start fresh...i wouldn't be able to handle some girl dating me and me never seeing her...what the hell is the point of that

[Asker]

Just one more person who is not understanding at all...nvm.

[Opinion Owner]

Understanding? I understand that you're in love with someone youve never actually met...how do you know they look the way they say they do or with the pictures they give...what if they're 60 and balding....honestly tho, have you not read articles on this crap before?

[gotc147]

Ballsy stuff to say, too bad you need to put a mask on to say it, coward.

[Opinion Owner]

Ballsy? lol its the trusth, online DISTANT dating is retarded if you aren't ever going to meet that person in real life - if you plan to GREAT! good for you, honestly...but when the date gets closer and that person suddenly says no it won't work - THERES SOMETHING FISHY GOING ONNNNNNNNN....so dood, relax, take a chill pill and shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Asker]

Um, he didn't leave as the date was closer and closer. We won't meet for another year.

[gotc147]

So what exactly is the fishyness that you speak of? The guy was hurting and couldn't take having only half a relationship, so he saw it better for his own well being to have no relationship.

[Anonymous]

Same boat as me.

Except mines still here..

Think about it, how will your relationship progress?

Some people can talk for hours but actually spend time together, face to face for a long period of time, everyday?

Think about the positives of the break up.

[Asker]

There aren't any positives :'(

[Starling]

Come to his sense and come back? He's never actually met you. As you've never actually met him. I'm sure it feels like you know him, but you can't really know someone until you've met them. People can be someone completely different online, not even always lying or anything - just different.

[Asker]

Sigh....just one more person who doesn't understand. I don't blame you though, if I had never met him I would have never understood it either....

[Starling]

Right. It's everyone else who is ignorant, not you.

[Asker]

No, but you really can't judge a relationship like ours unless you've been in a similar one. It really bugs me that my question is being treated differently and people are being unsympathetic just because I met him online and not in person. I don't really blame anyone for thinking it's stupid though, because I would have thought so too before he came into my life.

[Starling]

Nearly EVERYONE talks to people online. Even if it's not a romantic relationship, it's still the same idea.

[Asker]

Never mind, you're just making me feel a lot worse, and not even answering the actual question, just judging me -_-

[Anonymous]

Omg I feel so bad I had that same thing happen to me !

[Asker]

I'm sorry :'(

[Anonymous]

you can't really know someone if youve never really met them

[Asker]

Why does no one seem to understand online relationships, that's not true :'(

[Anonymous]

Get over it, you never met him, so you don't need him.

[Asker]

That's not true, I do need him, not meeting him in person has nothing to do with it :'(

[Opinion Owner]

You are way to emo and dependent for your own good.

[Asker]

Um, you're not understanding at all. This is supposed to be a help site, not a site where you make people feel worse :/

[Opinion Owner]

I am trying to help you, just because it's not what you want to hear does not mean I am not right.

If you can't be happy on your own, what makes you think you can be happy with someone? If all you guys have shared is conversations, why are you tripping you can find that somewhere else. Believe me, I understand where you are comming from. I just got out of a 5 year relationship. We shared a house, a car, and hopes for our future. You better believe it was hard to end that relationship.

[Anonymous]

have you guys ever met in person?

[Asker]

No, but we've talked before on aim audio chat which is basically a phone. I plan to see him in a year when I go to college by him.

[AcEMasTeR]

you shouldda seen this coming

[Asker]

Not really because he promised me he wouldn't leave me, and I trust him completely. :/

[ionlywantyou]

He shouldve never said "never"..because eventually he would've left you..online relationships are bogus and I am not saying this to be mean, but its really not worth breaking your heart over...you guys could still talk like friends but not as lovers..

[Asker]

Online relationships are not bogus...have you ever even had a serious one? No? Then I don't think you have a right to say they're bogus.

[ionlywantyou]

Ive been in serious relationships but online is something that will not work

[AcEMasTeR]

Yeah he's ignoring you

[Anonymous]

Does this guy live in illinois?

[Asker]

Um, no...

[Justmean]

Move on.

[Asker]

I'm not going to, I promised him I would wait for him until we can be together, and that's what I'm going to do....ugh.