My boyfriend is afraid to leave his mother's house?
I am a overly concern about certain happenings in my relationship.
My Boyfriend is afraid to leave his Mother house so that we can pool our salary to start a family. he does not directly come out and say it but saying he have to help out his mother financially said a lot ( he can't afford to do that now). which he himself in financial difficulty which I have to help with.
this will make two years going since he last spend a night by me.
So what do I do about these problems:
1. my boyfriend mother told me she does not approve of her 24 year old son sleeping out? and obviously I can't sleep by him, his mother don't allow it.
2. my boyfriend excuse from his mother is what if something happen at their home through the night?
3. is it okay to be in a serious relationship for 3 1/2 years and no partner spend the night by one another?
4. every time I tell my boyfriend his mother doing too much for him and still treat him not as a grown man he gets mad and defensive. I mean his mother do every single thing for him. e.g wash, cook, clean his room, wash his wares when he finish eating, make breakfast.
5. my boyfriend tells me in no uncertain terms no one comes between his mother and brother I will kill and die for them!
6. he tells me his mother and I are the number 1 ladies in his life.
7. the main thing for him is not being able to have no money when its end of month. which I help him through. how can somebody have so much pride in material worth(vehicle) so he will sacrifice it by borrowing money to buy a car that result in not having any money in his saving account, nothing to get by (food) thus complaining of gas in his stomach nor even have any money to buy gas to run the vehicle. he is depending on me literally to support him, which I do but it is broking me because I have a hefty medical bill to take care of all by myself.
8. my thing is he is depending on me which I have been doing till I become sick and have to take surgery to safe my life and now paying my bills yet helping him out because I can't stand to see him not getting anything eat sometimes and frustrate himself.
9. he depend on me and wants to help his mother out which leaves me with a big question ? who should I depend on? if I gave him money he shares it with his mother and tells her it came from me. its hard because the same money he give his money is the same money and more I help him with two to three days later. its tough.
10. should I give up now rather maybe be dumped later as a result of him having to choose between his love for his family and his love for me(he can love someone else somewhere in the future) base on having a roof over their heads rather selling their property , there is a new development with his family they have within under two years to come with a huge sum of money to pay his father as a result of divorce between his mother and father.
What's Your Opinion?
What Guys Said 1
He needs to understand ---an emotionally mature person knows that his/her happiness is his/her responsibility, no one else's.
His happiness is HIS responsibility, his mother's happiness is hers, and your happiness, yours. If his mother hasn't learnt to be responsible for her happiness, and has to depend on him to make her happy, she hasn't grown up.
If he hasn't taken up the responsibility of looking after himself, emotionally, financially, mentally, physically, it is time to do that, and learn to do that well. He isn't a 3 years old anymore. It looks like it is going to take him 5-10 years to get out of debt, maybe more. The situation isn't going to improve, in other words.
You need to ask yourself, "What kind of guy do I want?", utilizing this experience. If he is it, stay, if no, quit. Don't play Mother Teresa, bear in mind, YOUR happiness is YOUR responsibility.
What Girls Said 1
O...M...G - you poor girl! Okay, let me say right now, I get how it is to financially have to support your family. My mom can't pay her bills on her own, I moved back home to help her out (I'm an only child and she's divorced) and that's just what it is...BUT...my mother does not ABSOLUTELY not rule my life. I'm not here every night, I may spend a night at a friends or a boyfriend's and I let her know that I'm not coming home but that's it. The thought of her telling me she doesn't "approve" is APPALLING especially since I'm financially supporting the household.
Girl...run away. You obviously care for this boy (because he's obviously not a man yet, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be mean, but he lets his mom treat him like a kid still), but you will never ever ever be priority. You will always have to fight his mother for her baby. And she will never let you guys have your own lives. 2 years and he hasn't spent a night with you and you're adults? That's just sad. And super immature on his part. You deserve more, you deserve an adult relationship and that's just the bottom line sweetie. Good luck hun!