I am a overly concern about certain happenings in my relationship. My Boyfriend is afraid to leave his Mother house so that we can pool our salary to start a family. he does not directly come out and say it but saying he have to help out his mother financially said a lot ( he can't afford to do that now). which he himself in financial difficulty which I have to help with. this will make two years going since he last spend a night by me. So what do I do about these problems: 1. my boyfriend mother told me she does not approve of her 24 year old son sleeping out? and obviously I can't sleep by him, his mother don't allow it. 2. my boyfriend excuse from his mother is what if something happen at their home through the night? 3. is it okay to be in a serious relationship for 3 1/2 years and no partner spend the night by one another? 4. every time I tell my boyfriend his mother doing too much for him and still treat him not as a grown man he gets mad and defensive. I mean his... Show More
My boyfriend is afraid to leave his mother's house?
What Guys Said
He needs to understand ---an emotionally mature person knows that his/her happiness is his/her responsibility, no one else's.
His happiness is HIS responsibility, his mother's happiness is hers, and your happiness, yours. If his mother hasn't learnt to be responsible for her happiness, and has to depend on him to make her happy, she hasn't grown up.
If he hasn't taken up the responsibility of looking after himself, emotionally, financially, mentally, physically, it is time to do that, and learn to do that well. He isn't a 3 years old anymore. It looks like it is going to take him 5-10 years to get out of debt, maybe more. The situation isn't going to improve, in other words.
You need to ask yourself, "What kind of guy do I want?", utilizing this experience. If he is it, stay, if no, quit. Don't play Mother Teresa, bear in mind, YOUR happiness is YOUR responsibility.
What Girls Said
O...M...G - you poor girl! Okay, let me say right now, I get how it is to financially have to support your family. My mom can't pay her bills on her own, I moved back home to help her out (I'm an only child and she's divorced) and that's just what it is...BUT...my mother does not ABSOLUTELY not rule my life. I'm not here every night, I may spend a night at a friends or a boyfriend's and I let her know that I'm not coming home but that's it. The thought of her telling me she doesn't "approve" is APPALLING especially since I'm financially supporting the household.
Girl...run away. You obviously care for this boy (because he's obviously not a man yet, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be mean, but he lets his mom treat him like a kid still), but you will never ever ever be priority. You will always have to fight his mother for her baby. And she will never let you guys have your own lives. 2 years and he hasn't spent a night with you and you're adults? That's just sad. And super immature on his part. You deserve more, you deserve an adult relationship and that's just the bottom line sweetie. Good luck hun!