I'm jealous of my boyfriend's female friends and I hate it. Am I Nuts of Naive?

[Anonymous]

I know jealousy is ugly but I can't help but feel jealous when my boyfriend of six years has been making plans and hanging out with girls that I don't know. I know it's pathetic but I feel like he is looking for a replacement for me. We recently almost broke up when he had looked through my computer and found my personal journal that I ranted in when I was p*ssed at him.I did this because I needed to write things down to rationalize my feelings as I'm a private person and don't really talk about my relationship with my friends because I want them to not like my guy.

In one of the journal entries, I spoke of being away from him (several years ago) and seeing a old friend at a party who I felt guiltily attracted to. I didn't do anything with him I just felt guilty for even thinking about him in that manner since I had always been super loyal to my boyfriend. He read this and took it as me cheating on him, and a month later when he was giving me what I took as the breakup speech about him feeling not himself and needing change, blurted out what he had read. We both just graduated college and had moved home while saving some money we had been staying at one of my family members house right after the "Break up speech" he moved in with him mom. Now I find it funny that he has been pursuing females as friends. But then again it's always been this way, he's always had female friends his best friend is a girl and he has only few male friends. I find it strange that he lets me hang out with his male friends but not his female friends. Lately, he's been hanging out with his coworkers who are all female several of them are rude to me when I stop by his work. He's hung out with them about three times at their house (they all live together) and I wasn't invited or allowed to come. He also plays music with girls, and one in particular on his breaks between classes. Today he was teaching a girl how to play guitar for a few hours even though I was also on campus with nothing to do and we had plans to get coffee which he denied. This coming weekend he's going golfing with a girl from another one of his classes who's 18 since she has a membership at a nice club and it will be free for him. The girls from his work text him and call him pet names like love, and he talked to one in particular about our drama and then lied about who he was talking to claiming it was his brother which made me mad since they will now never like me because they think I'm a cheater. I always invited him around with my friends both male and female. I feel like he tries to exclude me from his life, but he insists he loves me and spends a majority of his free time together. Asks me to stay the night and visa versa. Is my jealousy justified?I don't want to be that crazy girlfriend but I feel like he's pushing me away and I don't want to stay if I'm genuinely not wanted which he claims I am. He says "If I wanted another girl I wouldn't be here would I". Please tell me if I'm being a loon.

[Californiaa]

I completely agree. I absolutely hated my boyfriend's very few chick friends he had, and I told him. I asked him how he would feel and he said he wouldn't care, and it turned out he cheated on me,and I figured that was the reason. Now I found a new boyfriend (we've been together for 7 months now) and he feels the same way I do. If you want opposite gender friends, both sides of the relationship, boyfriend and girlfriend, should be friends with this person. For example, my boyfriend's best friend, Travis, and I are good friends. Travis's girlfriend, Anna, was close with my boyfriend a few years ago. I told my boyfriend I didn't like that he had a chick friend, and he completely agreed that it wasn't right to have a friend that I didn't know or like. He introduced me to her and now we're friends, too.

To sum it all up, I believe that one shouldn't have opposite sex friends without it being a couple thing. If you're friends with someone, you should introduce them to your boyfriend/girlfriend and have them be friends too, so they don't feel so uncomfortable.

[laurashcroft]

It sounds like he is sending you on an emotional roller coaster ride, in other words, messing with your head even if he cannot see it..

No I think if I was in your position, I would be jealous to because it sounds like he doesn't exactly know what he wants and he may find it easier to be friends with girls than guys?

Maybe you need to sit him down and really talk things through about what he wants and tell him how you feel..

If he is already going to other girls to get advice about your and his relationship then that's a sign he doesn't know what to do and it's also abit rude for him to be doing that because it's making you look like the bad person when you're not, when you only probably want an answer to why he is acting like he is..

I think maybe, if you talk things through with him and if it doesn't come to some solution maybe consider letting go a little even if it hurts because it doesn't sound like he is really considering how you feel at all in this situation...

[Asker]

You're spot on Laura. Yes he doesn't know what he wants with life, a career, etc. He's uncertain and I also feel he's uncertain about us but he insists this isn't true and that the "plan" is still on. We've always talked about a future together, and I've sacrificed for this future loosing friends, moving, changing schools etc but he's done the same. He's my best friend and I don't want to loose him that's why this is so hard. I don't feel priority and it's breaking me.

[falendove]

That's way too many girl "friends" for me to handle. Fuck, you're strong girl. I don't know how to really take it in, but your jealousy is justified in my eyes, truly. I'm a jealous person as well, and let me tell you, my boyfriend never hangs out with girls without me because if I find out, I will go crazy like a mad woman on a suicide rampage and kill someone. ):

[sweetlivy]

Oh but I'm pretty darn sure you have a bunch of "guy friends" too. Would your boyfriend be okay with that? 😑

[sweetlivy]

Girls always bitch about how their boyfriends have girl best friends, but it's totally okay for them to have guy best friends. It's ridiculous how females act.

[wildcat16]

from a guy's perspective:

I can understand how he's shocked by your journal entry about the guy that you met at a party, but calling it cheating is really not justified. I've gone through similar things with my girlfriend that relate to feeling that their friends of the opposite sex may be just a little too close for comfort, and I too hate it. So I would say that the way you feel there is fair. Because I feel like in a relationship there are certain assumed rules, one would be that if your committed to a person there should be no need to be just as close with another person of the opposite sex. I would just say tell him how it bothers you. If he's not making a real effort towards it then maybe you aren't that important to him. I can personally relate to this because its been a problem for me in the past also. just do your part to let him know what's bothering you

[GothicLoVeTeese]

I Have a really good friendship with a guy. were best friends but his girlfriend doesn't like me. =( I really want to meet her to show her I won't do anything to break them up but my friend thinks its a good idea not for us to meet... just yet. I can see her being jealous and what not but I may be very good friends with him but I defiantly don't find him attractive at all in that way...

I just wanted to tell you about my story... I hope everything works out! ~Lena

[shutterbug]

Jealousy is natual to feel, espeically if he has that many friends who are girls! Don't worry about it- you are so strong. There's nothing wrong with being jealous of those girls- in my opinion, they're kind of overstepping their boundaries!