Help, my boyfriend is always talking to this girl, am I overreacting?

[hazel83]

ok so I have to be honest, I have trusting issues due to past relationships and I constantly get jealous of other girls, I live with my boyfriend for the past 5 months and first of all I feel like he never/doesn't like telling anyone I'm his girlfriend, he says that he doesn't need to discuss his private life with anyone, of course all of our close friends know and everything but when it comes to people online, for example facebook, or whatever,

he makes me feel like I'm not important..

also, he is always talking to other girls on facebook, I know it's harmless but it bugs me, he spends a lot of his time there, talking to people, I feel like he doesn't give me enough attention, I do believe he loves me because he is sweet when we do spend time together but he isn't that affectionate in public..

also like a month ago we met this girl at a club he is a dj/club promoter and he doesn't mind me going with him at all, in fact he likes it, but this friendship with this girl is making me feel insecure, first of all she came up to him telling him how good his music was, they chat for a bit and the girl apparently wasn't from here, was just visiting, and then before we left he asked for his number/facebook account and invited her to one of his clubs where he promotes, I mean..why did he had to do that?

he also said that there's nothing wrong with that and he did it because he was going to introduce her to a friend of his.. well the girl went back to the city where she's from and they text and talk online everyday, when I confront him about it he gets super mad and yells at me.. I think is very unfair considering he gets super mad if I talk to guys online, I don't get it

I even tried to make friends with this girl to be less jealous but it's not working, they talk for hours, and this girl has a boyfriend but still I don't trust her, and thing is something similar like that happened before, he was talking to this girl online and that girl literally threw herself at him, and he didn't really said no or yes, I got really mad and he stopped talking to this girl but when it comes to this other girl that he talks everyday, he gets really mad like he is choosing her over me.. I can't stop crying, he makes me feel so guilty, I'm tired of him being a jerk and defending this girl so much, I don't understand why he likes her so much..

and why he has to talk to her everyday...

~thanx

Updates

+1 y

im really starting to dislike this girl she keeps on bothering him, talking to him on facebook, and since he is super nice, doesn't like to tell people to "back off" he is going along with it, I know that that the stuff they talk about is harmless.

Updates

+1 y

but still it gets on my nerves, and she looks for any dumb excuse to start a convo, I mean I'm starting to believe she likes him but my boyfriend is too "nice" naive" to realize that, I know he loves me but it's very annoying, I don't know what to do

Updates

+1 y

I don't want to ask him, it's me or her because I don't want to sound like a posessive controlling jealous girlfriend eather..

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+1 y

should I just deal with it? I mean it seems like I'm gonna have to for who knows how long..she's suppose to come here to visit her mom which she lives around my area..sigh

im tired of this..

[PhatPat]

Okay, as far as this club girl is concerned, it just looks like it started as him trying to get his friend hooked up. But it does bother me that he talks to her and other girls on FB all the time...that IS a problem. Especially if he gets made if YOU talk to other guys online. That's a double standard and not fair in any relationship.

I definitely think you have to work on your own trust issues, because a healthy relationship is where both people can have friends of both sexes and hang out with them whenever, and you get to that point where you could be okay with that...but that's in you and that's for your own mental/emotional maturity, so that's separate here.

The bottom line - he's not being fair to you because the time he's spending online with other women is FAR past the point of being okay and a normal "friendship only". Also, it's not fair to you that you doing the same would be unacceptable. I say, have a talk with him and try to fix things. If he isn't willing to put the effort into fixing things, then you may have to truly consider whether this is a guy you want to continue giving your heart to. You deserve to feel like you can trust someone and you deserve respect to get what you give in return. Good luck sweetie :)

[rdabby]

I had a boyfriend long time ago, he was a Dj and promoter for clubs and he has tons of female friends never really bothered me (surprisingly cause am the jealous insane trust issues type of chick)

and he always said that he was doing it for the business and to promote etc etc and he was a friendly guy in general.. He had numerous friends and stuff on his MySpace and facebook like about 1000 friends.i don't know if its a DJ thingy, but I never really caught him cheating... yeah Ithink he was all the way...

Now If I were you I would simply try to be friends with her again and try to meet with her or something.. then if he gets mad about it, then there is something wrong here.. But why is he getting mad about you worrying about this... its your right and you re not allowed to talk to guys so why does he get to do that!? Tell him that its making you uncomfortable and that you would prefer if he doesn't do it too much... try this if it doesn't work then get a close guy friend and show him how you feel!

[hazel83]

Thank you! I'm glad you understand, yeah he is very friendly, outgoing abd his job is to talk to people and he says if he talks to girls it's all business related, he actually hates his job and says if he didn't had to do this he didn't hto deal with all of this, about this girl he says it's just pure friendship and he doesn't mind me being her friend at all, the girl is actually nice as far as I'm concern, maybe it's just me being paranoid, he gets mad apparen he says I don't trust him.

[rdabby]

Yeah well it could be that I can understand where you re coming from since he is a DJ and am like you, I get jealous and paranoid... If she's nice then talk to him about it without fighting over it... and see how it goes. thanks for the best answer too...

[mich220878]

Dear hazel83,

Stop for a moment, be silent and search deep inside and listen to the voice inside you which tells you how to take care of yourself. The relationship that you have with this man is to be treated as you would any other friendship, as ultimately a long-term relationship such as that with a boyfriend is to be built on friendship. Now ask yourself would I allow a friend to treat me this way? Would I treat a friend this way? If the answer is no, then it is time to re-assess this relationship. Sometimes in boyfriend/girlfriend relationships we have many mis-conceptions about how the relationship 'should' be and we forget to look at the relationship for what it is. By detaching oneself from the relationship for a moment to see it from another perspective things become clearer and we can begin to take care of ourselves in that situation. As you begin to take care of you, others will take care of being 'good' to you too and if they do not then the friendship was never there.

Take one day at a time and remember you are special and only you can teach others how to treat you.

[nicksterx33]

It's normal for people to not like to be affectionate in public, but as far as this other girl is concerned it doesn't sound very innocent. I'm all for true love and having friends, but talking to her everyday is a little too much. If he truly loved you then he would respect your feelings. It isn't fair that you can't talk to other guys, but he can talk to other girls. Tell him that if he can't respect your feelings and if you guys aren't going to be equal (he can talk to other girls but you can't talk to other guys) then it is time for you two to break up.

[hazel83]

Thank you, well I talked to him about it and I've noticed he is trying to avoid her now, the girl says that they just have things in common and they talk about that, I've noticed also that it's her who always starts the conversation, I don't trust her, how is it that she has a boyfriend and she needs to talk to other guys even if it's just because she is bored, she must not get enough attention from him, she is even encouraging me now to be friends with her boyfriend which I don't get it.

[nicksterx33]

She just sounds like an over confident flirt. If she is initiating it and he is trying to avoid her then try to trust him a little more.

[Kasady]

Honestly, that doesn't seem like a very healthy relationship. You should make it clear, that it is either you or her. Don't yell at him or anything, just make sure he knows that just because you are living with him, that doesn't mean that you can't get out of the relationship.

[madmisseh]

Don't f***ing deal with it! He is YOUR boyfriend and he needs to act like it! If you keep letting him do whatever he wants and talk to whoever he wants ALL the time it will eventually lead to something. Maybe not today or tomorrow but sometime in the future when you two are fighting who is he going to go to for comfort? HER and who knows it may just be talk and pics at first but in the end it will be you with a broken heart.

I mean talking to other girls is okay but to a certain point but he needs to put you first.

[LeeLiyah86]

Girl, you just need to leave him. He is openly disrespecting you and doesn't care about your feelings. If he loved you, he will see that what he is doin is wrong and will be considerate of your feelings. If he's constantly talkin to that girl, then he's trying to get with her or probably already did stuff with her. You sticking around while he plays you right in front of your face is pretty pathetic. Be strong and move on, girl.

[Anonymous]

Try to tell him how you feel about it and it bugs you. It's bugging you because she keeps talking to him and it's making you feel insecure. If he stills talks to her and ignore what you said then I don't think it's a good trust going on.