Dealing with a mentally abusive ex who won't go away

My ex boyfriend who I dumped several months ago keeps returning to talk and hang out. I admit it was my fault initially because I gave in to talking to him because I missed him. But in the back of my head, I know he has not changed and I have finally come to a resolute decision to stay away from him. He recently lashed out at me for no reason calling me pathetic and worthless. I don't know where it came from. There was no prior convo or anything it was very random.There's nothing pathetic about the way I'm acting, I dumped him and have not slept with him or said anything about getting back together. He's psychotic, I feel as though he is putting his own insecurities on me. I firmly told him I do not want to hear from him again and a week later he has returned acting like nothing has happened talking about inside jokes and saying he misses me. I ignored him. It ruins my day to hear from him... I feel a mix of fear,paranoia, and even sadness because sometimes I internalize the abusive things he says. How do I make this stop? He does not take me seriously. I don't blame him because I was fickle in the past but this time I want him to know I mean it.


Most Helpful Guy

  • "I feel as though he is putting his own insecurities on me."

    Yes, he is doing that. He's hurt and doesn't know how to handle gracefully. It also seems like he is experiencing grief for the loss of the relationship. He's already gone through denial and anger. He seems to currently be in the bargaining stage, trying to get you back by hanging around, telling you he misses you and such. Next is depression, and then finally acceptance. You'll probably just have to tough it out. Try to be calm and rational with him. Being emotional will only stir up his emotions.


What Guys Said 2

  • how does he try to communicate with you?


What Girls Said 1

  • I think you are very strong to set boundaries and limits with him. Stick to it. You are doing the right thing, especially if it maintains your self-respect. It also sounds like you feel scared, endangered, and hurt by him - particularly by the abusive things he says to you. Do you have someone you can talk to? A friend or a parent - someone who can support you? Have someone who can be there for you, in case his behavior ever escalates. It is already very, very WRONG of him to be saying what he says to you, and you shouldn't have to take it from him! You shouldn't have to face this alone. Get support; talk to someone who will help you stay safe!

    No means no. No matter what you said in the past, you're saying NO now and sticking to it. If he does not accept your answer, do not blame yourself. You did NOT ask for him to abuse you. There is something very wrong with him.