I think you should be able to see the signs. If you don't feel loved then you should ask him why he doesn't do certain things for you anymore?
I just recently got married and some times I don't even feel loved because I think he is just in the relationship because I was nice and no one is ever nice to him.
Anyways I think you can usually tell when someone loves you. They will MAKE time for you and MAKE dates with you and cancel everything else to be there for you like you are more important to them than a job. They will hold you unexpectedly while you are washing the dishes, bring little gifts to you that will make your day (chocolate, flowers etc), and also they will say "i love you" and "i think you're beautiful" all the time. I mean, seriously it's not that hard to do if you are really in love. So if my guy is not making time for me and I have to seriuosly pull him away from his video game or demand time or beg and beg for time then I will get mad and he will not hear the end of it until he MAKES time for me. Sorry, I just don't like being disrespected. I mean, seriously it's not too hard to spend 20 min with me giving me his undivided attention at dinner time. After dinner he can go do whatever but when you have to beg and beg and nag and nag for him to spend even 1 minute paying attention to you then you have a problem. I mean, seriously I think so. so tha'ts just my opinion of how love should be like. You have to learn what love means to you and what you need him to do and ask him to do it. If he can't do it, ask him what the problem is. If it's just 20 minutes dinner time every single day from 6pm to 6:20 pm before he can go and play his video game for 5 hours straight then it should not be too hard for someone to do that. I'm just saying. I hope this helped you a bit. and good luck with your husband.
I agree that communication is number one in any relationship. If you are going to talk about things seriously I would suggest making sure he's in a "good mood". Do something special like do a date night or if you can get away for the weekend Great!
Odds are he is stressed with work, the kids and now the holidays. With all those things and what I'm going to guess is less fun time in the bedroom due to everything above. It can leave a guy run down. So some one on one time with some good food, drinks and fun can really recharge those relationship batteries. It also helps with being able to talk about things when you're felling refreshed.
I think you're really the only person that can answer this question. After 10 years of marriage (plus however long of dating) you should know this man probably as good or better than anyone. If things don't feel right or you have a gut feeling something is wrong then chances are you're right.
The key to any relationship is communication, whether it's a month long relationship or a marriage of 10+ years. Talk with your husband in a comfortable environment about your concerns. Don't attack him or blame anything on him, people just get defensive when that happens. Instead talk about how you are feeling and ask for some insight into his behavior.
After 19 years of marriage and 3 kids I knew my husband pretty well...but he was very inconsistent with his messages. One day he couldn't stand me, the next day he couldn't live without me. When he started sleeping with other women I made the decision for him...he had to learn to live without me.
Good luck to you!
I know you are going to HATE this answer, but you just will know. I was married for around 10 years and I knew from the very beginning he didn't really love me and I didn't really love him either, we just existed in the union too long. The fact you are asking this question proves you know but maybe aren't yet willing to admit it.
If you want ACTUAL signs there are no clear-cut actual signs, it just feels off, different, awful. He starts to seem like a stranger or even just a friend to you.