Guys, should I be concerned with my boyfriend chatting with women online?

[Anonymous]

HI,

i have noticed my boyfriend chatting with females online and I am wondering should I make a big deal about this or is this harmless fun? I actually came to the computer and read his conversation.he was talking to this chick and message read " you are already falling in love with her". he knew I was reading it I was right beside him and I didn't try to sneak up and read it.

He always say that its okay for me to go to bars and talk to other guys, but I have to let them know I am involved and not bring them home.

I have also gone through his phone when he was not looking. He kinda just leaves it around so its quite easy to do. I found some text from a chick that said " I haven't talked to you online for a while, are you ok?". I also found a text from his ex girlfriend " saying she would do anything to get him back and asked him if he still cared about her" my boyfriend responded back "not anymore". She asked if it was because of me and he was like " don't bring her into this ". She kept begging him to spend time with her and in the texts it seemed like he was brushing her off. So is this online chatting and text message thing just for fun or is it something I should be worried about?Should I be worried about the texts from his EX?

[preacherman]

It dons not sound to me that he has anything to hide. If you are concerned about who he is talking to, then this is something that you should discuss with him. Most of the time, talking on line is just harmless flirting. It seem as though you have a confident, honest boyfriend. If I were you, I would keep him. There are not too many out there like that, to be honest. The girl he has not talked to in a while is probably just a friend who lives hundreds of miles away. I meet some pretty amazing people on line from time to time. I would hate to think that I would have a girlfriend who would try to stop me from talking to them. Also, it probably is not a good idea to go looking through your bf's phone, you have already peeked enough to know he is a straight up guy. Like I always say, it is really hard to trust in this life, but if you don't trust a little bit, you will never be truly close to anyone. And that's advice I need to learn to follow myself.

[Euro-Raver]

Seriously what the hell is wrong with you? You check his phone when he's not looking and find that he's not involved with anyone and brushes off all the attempts his ex makes to get back together. What more do you need? Can't you tell this guy is a saint? If my girlfriend told me I couldn't talk to other girls I'd break up with her on the spot because obviously she doesn't trust me enough to talk to people without having an affair with them. A lot of my friends are girls, that has nothing to do with me being in a relationship with them or not.

[Asker]

Ok the point is not that he can't talk to other girls.................as long as its just friends its fine...........but when it turns into flirting and vulgar language ............i have a problem with that......thats why I checked. Plus its 2008, you have to be on your toes. If you have nothing to hide I don't see what's the big deal of going thru someone phone if it is serious relationship. I have done it before , and he didn't care. he sometimes goes thru mine too.

[Asker]

If its just a friendship that's fine. but if it flirting and talking about sexual things, then that's cheating. A lot of guys like to lead women on, so that if something goes wrong with their current girl they can have easy pussy to get through the lonely nights, that's cheating to me. he has seen me go thru his phone, he didn't care.............he goes thru mine.

[993099142]

He respects you, cares about you, rejects his ex-girlfriend. What more do you need? I think your anonymous because you know your being paranoid.

[Asker]

I know I am ...........i just don't have a very good background with relationships............so sometimes I am just waiting for the guy to mess up..............and I am learning not to worry so much, its a process

[preacherman]

If all you do is wait for a guy to screw up, then you will always find disappointment. A man is just as capable of screwing up as you are. We are all human. Plus, you must have a low self-esteem to think like that. Hun, I hate to say it, but you probably bring a lot of your troubles with men on yourself and it's not all your fault, my guess is that you were a little younger and more naive when someone hurt you really bad. But, he is not that guy. So don't treat him like he is.

[AJtogo]

Normally I would say that this can be a problem but in this case, he appears to be a pretty open book and you know everything that's going on. Still, chatting with other girls doesn't make for keeping and growing a connection with you alone.

As for the EX; from the messages you read, it seems that he has her in the past.

[Asker]

Ok so what should I do?

[AJtogo]

Keep your radar up and carry on as usual.

If you want him to stop with the internet chatting then ask him to do so. Just tell him that you don't feel comfortable with it. He will either stop or not. If he doesn't stop, then you have to decide if it's a deal breaker. From what you have said so far, you're not finding anything going on and he's not hiding it from you. Seems pretty innocent

[Funkster]

it sounds like he has a pretty good handle on his EX. I don't think you have anything to worry about there. As far as the other girls, there's nothing wrong with a guy having girl friends. A lot of us like to have some to ask for advice about our girlfriend. It sounds like that's the case for them.