Why won't my boyfriend's ex girlfriend leave him alone?

[Anonymous]

My current boyfriend was with a girl for 4 years until she cheated on him and slept with a guy on his bed! we have been out just over 3 months and it's brilliant. However she contacted him constantly about many stupid things. She wanted all the her photos on his computer but never came to get it. Once she called him 25 times in 2 hours about some phone bills that she didn't pay.

She asked a guy from work to add me on facebook, saying that he wanted to know more about her through me? I know nothing about apart from she is a cheater. I talked to my boyfriend and confronted the guy added me on facebook. He then deleted and blocked me on facebook.

She sent emails to my boyfriend saying she couldn't believe that he didn't call her parents to say merry Xmas and happy new year. She also said it's low to go online to find a girl to replace her, after she cheated on him? We met online but we get on great and I think she is the one that is low. I look way better than her and I'm currently doing my masters, I never cheat and don't act like a mad woman (like what she is doing).

I don't understand what she wants from him, she told him not to take me to the places they used to go before. He wanted me to meet his friends so I don't see why not. Plus from what I gathered, none of his friends liked his ex to be honest.

She even went on his email account, got access to the online dating website and emailed all the women on there nasty emails. I'm fed up with her being stupid. Why can't she just leave my boyfriend alone? What should I do?

He recently asked me about moving in together but I said no as we haven't been out that long. I know he is serious about being with me, but he didn't block her or delete everything he had of hers until I told him to. I know it's not nice to force someone to do something like that but I don't want her to interfere with our relationship.

Annie

[PHILR]

his stalker exgf sounds more like a female jerk, that's gone alittle crazy lol. really she's going overboard . ever seen in movies were the physco boyfriend of a girl gets so posseive that if he can't have her no one else can either and goes about trying to destroy any potential bf's she may be interested in. well sounds like the reverse here.

her cheating on him when they were together was abominable thing to do (it doesn't matter who does the cheating its abominable) she may as said don't want him to be with anyone . and may think she wants him back just to control him as she eveidently did when they were together before you. she sounds like a controll freak to me by what she's doing now . 25 calls in 2 hrs. over a phone bill(not his I'm taking it but hers) what was she expecting him to do pay her phone bill? (thats what it sounds like to me it was her phone bill not his and why would he need to hear about her financial situation anyways. 25 times in 2 hrs time is about one call every 5 minutes

approximately. hopefully he should some disgust with all those calls about something that didn't concern him.he must have answered at least one or 2 of the calls because it seems as though your aware of what they were about. hopefully he ignored most if not the rest of those calls .

did those calls come while you were on a date or (i'm assumming you both were together at the time because your aware of the number of times she called.) seems as though she was intentionally being disruptive maybe she knew you were with him and again being controlling of his time with you. it may be true he may not know how to change passwords or block her some people aren't that sauvie about doing such things so offer(if you know how ) to help him change those things.

also there may be an alterrior motive behind not wanting to totally lose connection . hopefully not a bad one but here's my take. she cheated on him , he's now with you and is satified with being with you(ask you to move in with him comfortable with you) so may consciencely or subconconsciencely he's doing or allowing it to get back at her by saying I'm out of your reach now so how does it feel to want and not get kind of thing . she played him now maybe he's getting a kick out of playing her.

communication is essential in any good relationship talk to him and just ask him if he's just getting even (as I suggested above) with her

no I don't think you forced him to (unless you put it in an ultimatium type of thing) you say you ask him (politely I hope) if he would . it seems as though he had no objections to doing it because you say he did it. maybe it just took the nudge to get him to do it and you were the nudge.

i see this post is 8 months old as of now so how about a update on your situation

[beltshumeltz]

I think the problem is that your boyfriend is allowing her to stick around. Why isn't he ignoring her? He knows what she is doing to you.

How does she even know that you two are dating? Did she call him and he told her? Your boyfriend cannot control his ex, but he can control himself. He can block her phone number. He can change his website passwords. He can block her email address. He can get a restraining order if she keeps talking to him. He has done none of this. Why? Because he likes having her around, or he is too weak of character to step up and make it stop. Either way, it is extremely disrespectful toward you, from the part of the boyfriend.

[Asker]

I agreed with you. I asked him about it but he just said he didn't have time to do all the blocking or he doesn't know how to block her emails from coming. He also said to me, what if something happens and she needs to contact him? Which is ridiculous. So I asked him, if he still wants her in his life then I will leave because I don't want my relationship like that.

Restraining order doesn't work here as British police won't do a thing until she does something to him. That's what he told me.

[sueko]

I say don't trust him. I am in a similar situation except its an ex wife they were together for 5 years married 2. Currently divorced for 2 yrs. The only reason he ever said anything to her about not talking to him was becasue I gave him an ultiamtum "tell her to quit" or I am leaving, becasue he is obviously not over her. The only way I found out that they were exchanging I miss you's, I went through his txts. He told me he was sorry he doesn't want to loose me he doesn't want to be with her he is over her ect. Well I gave him another chance 6 months later she wants to get back with him she continues to tell him that and how much she misses him. And he seriously considered it so I broke up with him. He tells me I am his everything he want s me not her and he ll prove it to me. . I give him another chance because I m falling in love and want to trust him I want to be with him . .2 months later they are still talking EVERYDAY. I ve gone through all of this for him to prove he is not over her and won't cut the strings. . Don t trust him when they tell you to. When strings are attached its nearly impossible to have a stable truthful faithful relationship.

[Asker]

I do agree with you, I think he should be man enough to stop all contacts with her when he knew how much it bugged me. Trust needs to be earned and I will wait and see if he can prove he is trustful. Thanks x

[fairyjones]

Shes a crazy ex-girlfriend.

She probably doesn't want anything in particular. She's probably just upset that he actually left her, and now wants to make his life a living hell.

You did the right thing when you told him to delete her and everything. Not just for the sanctity of your relationship, but also for him. She sounds absolutely insane and in denial, and the last thing he needs is constant reminders of her.

You? The only thing you can do is be supportive of him, and completely ignore her. I know her type (unfortunately -__-), and ANY attention from either of you will just keep her going. The best way to make her blood boil is by acting like she isn't important, and your better than her (and so far it sounds like you are.). Eventually she'll move on. How long that takes is unknown :/

I wish you lots of luck and patience and strengths. Crazy Ex-Girlfriends take a toll on relationships, unfortunately, but stick with it and things will be fine :)

[Anonymous]

All you can do is be the best person you can be. That means concentrating on your MSc, on your relationship, on your own life. If you allow her to affect you, she wins. Ignore her, be there for your boyfriend, including when she hassles him and above all, trust him. He's with you not with her.

If you can be there without judgment and show him you trust him, he'll be more able to be open and honest with you about his ex.

Don't be pressured into moving in with him when you know it's too early. Do what's right for the two of you. You're the only two people in this relationship. Don't let her or anyone else affect you.

[eatmymochi]

She is obviously mental... you don't need this type of crap in your life. I'm pretty sure whoever he gets with she will do the same to them. You should talk to your boyfriend about this situation.. tell him how much its bothering you... Because there's nothing you really can do, only your boyfriend. he needs to stop her and tell her to f*** off I mean I understand they had a 4 year relationship but what kind of bs is her getting mad for him not calling her parents when they aren't even together... Just talk to him.. there's nothing wrong with communicating with him and telling him how you feel about the situation... because if he cared then he will do whatever it takes for him to not let the situation bother you.. She's just jealous and mad that he found someone else. And please don't compare yourself to a cheater like that. Just don't stress her there's a reason why he is with you and not her.

[addict22]

you can't just forge the feeling, my ex finished me 23 days ago, no contact for 5 days now, it hurts like hell knowing she is with another guy, maybe she still has feeling for him and feels bad for what she did. if she didn't care, she wouldn't phone him. I would only take my ex back if she admitted to everything, and if I was single. I would only be friends with her if I was totally over her, or I would be back at the beggining. talk to him and say how you feel. if he asked you to move in though, he abviously has feelings for you. it takes a lot for me to ask someone to move in with me.

[dailyday]

They fact that he deleted and got rid of all of her stuff when you asked him to, says alot...Hang in there with him, and make sure he shows his ex and everyone else around him whose the HBIC in charge now...lol j/k...but make sure he puts her in her place and in front of you too, do not allow him to leave the room to talk to her EVER!...and just work at building trust and have great communication tis the two main factors in a healthy relationship

[shana_2011]

she probably won't leave him alone beacause now that he is no longer in her life she is beginning to see what a good man he was. and she wants him back, to make up for all her wrongdoings in the past etc.

[Asker]

They broke up 6 months ago, she refused to give my boyfriend whatever the money she owed him, yet she wants him back? Don't think he would but it's just annoying as she is always there. My boyfriend won't let me talk to her directly to tell her to stop contacting him.

[M_A_X]

She wants to take your man from you, obviously.

Hell, that "guy at her work" could very well have been a fake facebook account that she, herself, created.

You did the right thing, Annie. It sounds like your man has some history with this girl... He may just want to be friends with her, but it doesn't look like she wants to let that happen... so yeah, you did the right thing by standing up for yourself and your relationship.

[Mrskey]

I Know its hard those situations but look it in the good way she's demonstrating him that She's a stupid crazy and desperate girl, and it was a waist of time being with her,and hopefully he's gonna notice that you went to his life to save it =) but that doesn't mean that I'm right maybe something happened between them I don't know but she's trying to get his attention because that stupid idea that why you didn't call my parents for Christmas, maybe she was so stupid to think that everything was gonna be OK wow well now live your life but carefull you kno bitches of these days ;)

[xcetera]

Idk. Seems like she could have slept with someone else in a very blatant place to try and make him feel jealousy cause all along she wanted him to give her some vindication to her feelings. Four years is a long time. I'm not condoning the behavior, I'm just trying to answer the question. I would be cautious about the whole thing. Definitely agree -- avoid jumping into a living situation with him, etc, when he doesn't even have his "past life" sorted out.

[bioweapon154]

Try letting your boyfriend rip on the girl in person and tell her to f*** off and get out of his life. She cheated on him and that kills the relationship.

But really, she is just being angry and jealous that she f***ed up and she is retarded.

[ice01]

as long as he love's you and you have him, hold on to that. just trust him, don't be bother about his X, she just trying to ruin you're relationship.

[TheCheshireCat]

She still has feelings for him or can't stand that he is with someone else, jealousy. He should tell her to leave him alone & say he wants nothing to do with her.

[Asker]

He told me that he already told her to leave him alone and stuff but she only stopped for a week or two then started again. Also, she threatened him that she would call me and say bad things about him, which she never did. I want to put an end to it but we do not have her number, she always hide her number when call my boyfriend. I know her email address but she hasn't used it to contact me so I'm not sure if I should send her an email.

[TheCheshireCat]

If she bothers your boyfriend again, he needs to tell her in a very serious tone he wants her to leave him alone, if she comes back again, he needs to keep saying the same thing. If all else fails, there are restraining orders.

[lostandconfused24]

She is jealous. She obviously still has feelings for him, and wants him back. All you can do is realize that he is with you and you two are very happy. If you both ignore her, she will probably go away and leave you two alone. He seems like he really likes you, so I wouldn't worry about her interfering with your relationship. Try talking to him about it. See what he thinks about it. But don't be scared about her interfering, because it seems like he really likes you.

[thisGUYknows]

cause girls are jealous. I didn't even have to read the whole thing. his ex wants what you have plain and simple.

[destroyer]

She is probably crazy and obsessed with him, just ignore her

[KarKingJack]

Your dating a guy who holds strings to a 'Stalker Ex Girlfriend' stock character. Good luck, lol.

[Tphilly187]

she wants him