I've never had a long-term relationship...why?

It has never made too much sense to me...

I'm 40 - I've been wanting a girlfriend since 8th grade. As incredible as this sounds (particularly to younger readers), it's the truth.

Maybe I'm too picky, but I'm not sure that's it. I have had some short relationships (usually a month or two) before I get dumped.

I sometimes read up on the "nice-guy" syndrome...but you'd think after so many failures I'd be able to change my behaviour, but it doesn't seem like anything has worked.

Friends say I try to rush into things...and that kills it before it begins. About half of my friends are married, but the friends I spend most of my time with are my single friends...which isn't too surprising because often single people hang out more with single people.

I live in a major city, so when I meet a woman for a date...it's likely I am one of two or three dates she's got that week.

I am not a 10, but I am much better looking than average and I've always managed to attract women throughout my life - HS, College, adulthood, etc. However, I have found myself dumped by guys that were - less physically attractive, less educated, and not even as witty as I am (if I may say).

I've been told that I lack confidence (at this point sure). I've been told that I am too much of a "doormat". That I fall to quickly. All of the usual things that someone would say in this case.

I guess my question is...am I doomed? What I have done is be myself...however, that comes across as a weak and insecure person (which is maybe who I really am deep down). Thus, I have lost (several) women that I'd have married. In the last 10 years there have been 4 and 3 of those in the last 5 years.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It definitely seems like you need to change your approach with women. Trying to hold back and jump in 100% right away would probably be a good idea. It may sound cliched, but most women want to feel like they have to work a little bit to get you. If you are just immediately completely available and accommodating, they tend to lose interest and/or get annoyed.

    I would also suggest seeing a therapist to work on your self-confidence/esteem issues. That is probably a big part of what is holding you back. You won't be alone forever if you don't want to be. You just need to work on yourself a little before trying to dive into another relationship.

    • Report

      Thanks for the comment.

      I've had a history of being too available. I guess it's sort of like the economic rules of supply and demand- the more something is readily available...the less value it has; the more scarce something is...the more valuable it is.

      It's interesting because if I acted that way with my clients or my friends...I'd loose business and friends. I have to learn to change my behavior when it comes to dating.

      I've never been a game-player, but acting desparate isn't good