My boyfriend of 2 years told me if I don't lose weight it's over.

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over 2 years. We love each other. I admit I am over weight, but I am not huge, not big enough to point out in public anyway. I admit I need to lose a bit of weight.

Anyway recently he told me I have to lose weight (Which I already know) and working on but as all you women out there know it's not easy in a already hectic schedule's. This time he revealed if in 6 months time I'm not the way he wants me to be he will leave me, he said he doesn't want to as he loves me a lot, he also said when we get married he doesn't want to be looking at other women.

Now I know most responses will be if you really love him just do it, which I am but for myself. I am really hurt by how he is going about this.

FYI I am a size 14 in Australian sizes

10 in US sizes

12 in UK sizes

40 in France sizes

44 in Italy sizes

Just thought conversions may help people understand what size I am.

Your thought's? Anyone out there experienced a similar situation?

[Anonymous]

Well, first off, you aren't really that big at all. I'd be curious to know if you've always been this size or if you've gained weight since you started dating him.

But on to your question. I guess I'd consider this from two different views.

I would have trouble being with a guy like that. My partner and I have been together for 5 years. I've always struggled with my weight, and during the time that we've been together, I've weighed everywhere between 140 lbs and 250 lbs (between US sizes 10-20, which I guess is AUS 14-24). My partner has accepted me at every size---he's told me I was beautiful at every weight and his interest in me sexually has never changed related to my weight. He's never criticized me about my weight or told me that I should lose weight. The only thing he's ever said (when *I* brought up my weight) was that he doesn't like it when I gain weight because of the negative impact it has on me emotionally and that if I want to lose weight (which I told him I did), he would support me in any way he could. He has been very supportive of me in my weight loss---we plan meals together, cook together, work out together, etc. (even though he doesn't need to lose any weight himself). I don't think I could be with someone who told me that if I didn't lose weight, he would break up with me because I want to be with someone who cares more about me than my physical appearance, and I wouldn't want to have to worry about whether or not he'd break up with me if I gained weight, if I had a hard time losing weight, or if any other aspect of my physical appearance changed (like, is he going to stop being attracted to me when I get old and wrinkly and break up with me because he wants someone younger and more attractive?).

On the other hand, I do understand that some people aren't attracted to overweight people, and you can't necessarily force yourself to be attracted to something you aren't. I also understand wanting your partner to lose weight for their physical and emotional health. But if someone is concerned about their partner's weight, I don't see an ultimatum as the way to go about getting them to drop some pounds. The first step, in my opinion, is to talk to your partner about it and to understand where they're at regarding their weight. Weight gain can have a really negative effect on someone's mental status. They might be depressed, or might feel like losing the weight is impossible, or at least quite daunting. I think the appropriate action is to ask your partner how you can support them in making healthy changes, and to also recognize that sometimes it can be a slow and difficult process to lose weight. I think the only time I would see an ultimatum as appropriate is if your partner has gained a huge amount of weight and they are completely unwilling to do anything about it.

[rickyupton]

How much do you weigh now? I bet you're like 400lbs now

[Anonymous]

There is no way I would stay with someone who did this to me. He doesn't love you. Anyone who really loved someone wouldn't put an expiration date on the relationship because of a little extra weight (and FYI at UK size 2 you are in no way fat). I'm not saying you shouldn't lose weight if YOU want to for your own health and wellbeing but to put a time frame on it and have him dicate how he wants you to be is controlling and abusive. How can you possibly plan a future with a man who is only interested in you looking exactly how he wants you to? What about if you decide to have kids - that will change your body in ways you will never reverse. As you get older, looks will fade and body will slow down. If he is going to be with you for life and make life and build a life together with you, how will he cope with these things if he is behaving this way now? You need to find someone who respects you as a person, supports you, loves you and is willing to accept you as you are and as you change not someone who mandates who you should be and how you should look. Dump him immediately.

[angel1142]

I think what he said he's really not nice. I hope he said it only to give you a motivation to work out...but if not I will sincerely doubt about his sincere love for you.

Because, really, when you say to someone you wanna marry her and live with her forever...it means you will love her whatever happens. Let's say, in one of the worst case (and I really hope nothing like that will happen to you, this is only an example), you have a car accident and you get disabled...will he still be there for you?

I think that is something very important to take in consideration.

A 10size is not big at all (depending of your height)..i don't know, maybe you have a little tummy and working out would be nice..don't try to get super skinny to look like many girls (curves are better than bones ; ) ). You have to do what you feel comfortable with. We are talking about your body, your own one...nobody's else.

If you decide you want some advices to get slimmer, you can ask me.

[Alexeiv]

Size 10 isn't very healthy but I don't know how wide you are hun. Body structure dictates weight.

I'd say you're only 2 sizes away from being relatively healthy, so you could use some exercise but not extreme. Maybe your boyfriend has just expected you to lose maybe 10-20lbs and you've stayed the same for a long time.

[Anonymous]

I would tell him to take a hike if he couldn't except you for you! He isn't worth all that if he isn't into you like that!

[heavenonearth]

It's fine that he suggested you lose weight, but saying he'll leave you in 6 months if you don't get to where he wants you to be is extreme. I wouldn't be okay with being talked to that way. Seems like you would like to lose weight as well, so don't just do it for him, do it for yourself. Ultimatums like that aren't well received, make sure he knows that. You deserve respect and your relationship deserves more value than what he's implying. Be the best you can be inside and out, but don't let him put you down. He should love you for who you are, but you should also want to look your best because you love him and it's what both you and he want.

[human_condition]

UK 12 really isn't that big, but I suppose it depends how tall you are. My mum's a 12, in her 40s, and really I hope to look like her at that age, kinda plump but not fat. She's short too, same as me about 5'1".

I would say it's cool that he's supporting you to lose weight, but giving you an ultimatum like that isn't acceptable. I think if he really cared about you he'd exercise with you, eat healthily with you, and just carry on till you were a healthy weight- not say "You're fat, so you're not good enough for me and I will want to cheat".

If nothing else, treat this as a warning sign. You won't be young forever, if you do get married and you start losing your looks, will he react the same way? I think you need to say this to him.

[RockShowww]

if a guy loves you, nothing will keep him away, if not, nothing will make him stay... cheesy, I know.

but think about it like this; if something as trivial as your weight (that isn't causing serious health problems, or anything) is making him threaten to leave you, then you should think twice about whether or not YOU want to stay with him.

words like these show just how superficial a person is. but then again, actions speak louder than words, so think about other factors too.

personally, I think you should leave while you can - this could just be an insight to how he is, if he loved you, he wouldn't want to hurt you by saying things like that - it will be hard now, but even harder as time goes by.

[Tphilly187]

wow your so right. well said miss

[Prettygurl12]

You should lose weight for you. Not for him.

Dump him.

If he's given you an ultimatum like that then it's time to go.

I'm not advocating staying overweight or that he's not allowed to have preferences, but he's not allowed to change you.

You should lose weight for you.

He should be with someone he finds attractive.

He should not CHANGE you to fit his ideal. And you should not be obligated to get in shape for anyone other than yourself.

[temptress01]

if you are not the way he wants you to be in six months time he will leave ! I wouldn't make him wait six months I would leave him now, I would honestly be quite upset and angry, if your conversions are correct a uk 12 isn't really overweight, I would consider a size 10 or 12 to be a nice healthy weight, it doesn't sound like a nice way to motivate someone

[Nancy074]

I think I'm over weight and I want to be thin enough to look good in skinny jeans again. Even my husband has been bothering me for the past year about my weight. I have already been super critical on myself, my self esteem is at its lowest. I look at myself in pictures and I'm disgusted.
Problem is I can't stop eating and I never have any time to work out and I hate most sports. Some lazy advices? Just wondered if anyone has tried systems? I have seen them advertised and wondered if they worked? Where to buy? Any side effects?

[Anonymous]

you're only a size 10 and he's giving you crap? I don't know your body structure, but for some women that's around 10 to 20 pounds.(for some it's not overweight at all) For your health I would say losing weight isn't a bad idea. However, this guy is a jerk to give you such an altimatium. What is he going to do if you get married and have children? You're going to be "over weight" for at least a year, may be 2 or 3. It takes the body a while to get back to normal. Sometimes hormones change forever.

The bottom line, he's making a mountain out of a mole hill and if he was a gentleman he would be offering to take walks with you and take you places for romantic strolls, not say "your fat, lose weight or I'm leaving." I see you beat him to the punch and dump his sorry ass first.

[Nastassja]

No, but I sympathize with you. It sounds like this guy has a problem. The day I let some guy talk to me like that! I wouldn't put up with it. Ditch him, please. He's too controllling and negative.

[Anonymous]

Well tell him "why don't you support me in losing my weight,like exercising with me and ya know stuff like that then I think I will lose it within a week ahaha"

I myself wouldn't like to be with some1 over weight so if he was I'd support him in losing some weight.

[therealplainjane]

your not big!

if some one truly loves you they love you no matter your shape or size!

find someone new to love. the person you love should have unconditional

love not matter what!

thats just stupid.

[Anonymous]

size 10? that isn't huge anyway

"Now I know most responses will be if you really love him just do it,"

are you kidding me? my response is, LEAVE him. he's a jerk.

[sweet_18]

Guys are very visual creatures., Thus they can be shallow as in your situation. That said, I'm not surprised he said that to you. At least he's being honest with you.

[someguy818]

lose the weight you won't be doing him a favor you'd be doing yourself a favor