Relationships & Marriages...is there hope for any loyalty anymore?

[themastaplan]

It seems every couple nowadays has their issues. Which is understandable, but it seems that once an issue arises people go for the big hit, divorce, break up, cheating, etc.

My question is Why? Why can't people be loyal anymore, I've met fewer loyal and honest people and it seem to keep building and building. For example one of my ex friends used to cheat on his girlfriend - I chose to befriend him because of that situation, I didn't want to be seen as "that kinda guy" because of his actions or have people think I supported it. I've talked to girls who get asked to take pics of their bodies and boobs and whatever by grown men who are married, they excuse is "its only a pic"...come on people why can't you just be loyal..you took an oath to be loyal till death...what is so hard to understand that relationships and marriages take work and that if people worked as hard at their relationships and marriages as they did at their job then there would be a less of a divorce rate and break up rate in this nation.

People don't we realize that all kinds of relationships have issues and every now and then it comes to a argument. Family issues, Bf/Gf issues, Friend issues...Cant people pick their battles and understand that some of them aren't just worth getting into especially if its with the one you love.

I just can't put a finger on the reason why people cheat or do dirty things (like ask for pics of younger girls) when they are married or in a relationship. Can't people just be honest with one another...if you're going to cheat just break up, what's the point in cheating anyways? cheaters become so insecure and worried about their other half when really its them that's in the wrong. The end up having trust issues because of their past, I just don't get why someone would do that to themselves...to have that feeling of regret hanging over their head or even how some people don't have that and act like nothing happened...

What's going on in the world today...what happened to real love? What happened to "till death do us part"...It sometimes makes me insecure that this is so common and its almost accepted by the country...People why not just be happy with the one you love, can't people just take their time, date, then be engaged, move in together, then get married...that way you have so many ways to see if it won't work before you both say "i do"...its just hard for me to understand how this is so frequently happening nowadays, its a shame and I wish people would think before getting into these lawsuits of divorce and/or jumping into marriages...

what are your thoughts on this kind of topic? why are people so quick to get divorced or quick to marry...doesn't anyone remember that the turtle won the race and not that rabbit...

[JustaskBeth]

I totally agree with you. I want to be able to believe that there is hope for marriage or any relationship but when it comes down to it it's all about the person. I don't understand why people cheat and I don't understand why people just run away from their problems other then trying to solve them.

I grew up in a family full of love. My parents have been together for 20 years and are in just as much love as they were the day they were married. When I think about what I want in a relationship I look to my parents, but then I stop and think about it. My parents are no longer the rule, they are the exception.

This all brings me to the question, Why? Why is it that people just run away from their problems? Why is it that my parents are no longer the rule but the exception? I think it has something to do with our instant gratification society. We want things to happen now. We don't want to take the time to solve the problem.

It doesn't help that these days it's all accepted, divorce is just another part of life. But it's not just the breaking up part either. People don't take the time to really get to know each other. Then their married for less then a year and find out all their partners little flaws, or they get into a stupid fight and don't know how to solve it.

I want to say that their is hope for relationships but when it comes down to it I just don't know.

[ets93]

*sigh*

i wish people thought more like this ^^

It takes A LOT of sacrifice. Everything you do you're in it together. you can never stop working at it. for `the two to become one`

We live in a lusty, lusty society, the here the now, come and get it. live for the moment. where people are naturally very selfish and selfminded. people have difficulty for some reason, giving up their wants and needs and desires, for someone else. even if its for the ones they love. Its vicious. take a look around and see how many people are doing that. You have to give it EVERYTHING you have EVERYDAY. those words are sooooooooo much easier said than done. and in marriage its for life .and the years go by or no matter how much time eventually you reach a point when and things aren't new and exiting and your spouse is in a b**chy mood or bad communication maybe jelousy then there's the mind games and then suspiscion and lies those are the things that begin to build the walls of concrete between two peoples hearts. that's what keeps the two from becoming one. giving yourself for life. its a comprimise not many people are willing to make. People don't give it all they have. with all that they are, literally.

Aristotle said “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”.

I almost never see this now a days

But he is right, you know.

[themastaplan]

agreed...your desire and wants and needs should be your husband or wife tho...i dated an ex of mine and I love her, we know what its likes to argue and be immature...we've worked a lot of our issues and it hink because of it she's probably the most compatable person for me...we know what its like to be at rock bottom but more so what its like to shine with the person you love...i could and would never cheat on her...attraction is normal, but knowing boundaries is another story...

[ets93]

exactly

[tokioangel95]

The media and social networking put a lot of strain on relationships, I want to get married and have a life long relationship with the man I truly love. opposites must be in balance. Because two becoming one is extremely demanding. Remember the three-legged race, when two people tie your inner legs together and try to run in harmony. Challenging and difficult. You must surrender personal ego and work as a team. But once accomplished I have heard that marriage can be a great thing.Our society has gradually shifted to a more liberal view of marriage and has shifted away from the traditional views. Media certainly portrays this and gives people the information regarding this culture shift that has happened, but it has not caused the shift, Look at all those celebrities who get married and divorced then re-married. cheating has always been going on, its just more talked about now. Men and now women have far more opportunity now that so many are working outside the home, I think that has allowed (I wouldn't say caused) a huge increase in opportunity.

[l-hedoniste]

You're confusing loyalty with monogamy. There are women that I would trust with my wallet and my life, women who would be my one phone call from the lockup--but they're not girlfriends, and have no wish to be. They are loyal, but they are not monogamous.

Why does this matter? Let's say I have wife, a *loyal* wife, but she doesn't want to be monogamous. Am I required to DESTROY MY MARRIAGE over this? Me, I wouldn't; good marriages are just too rare and too precious to blow up over bullsh*t. But some--perhaps most--will. They'll tear their family and finances apart, send good spouses, good lovers, and good parents packing, over something on the side. It's sad, and worse, unnecessary.

I have a rule: bring me no diseases, no children, and no rumors, and what I don't see won't hurt me. Show me loyalty, and I can pass on the fidelity.

[themastaplan]

how can you accpet the fact that your wife is with another person...or sleeping with someone else...just because you don't know it won't hurt you, I agree...but that doesn't make what she or you are doing correct or right...i believe that when you marry its you and the other, no one else in between...i don't get why you would want it any other way

[l-hedoniste]

How do I accept it? Easy; I simply choose to. That's all it takes. Our fright over infidelity is learned, and it can be unlearned. I have chosen to do so.

Why? Again, infidelity is not important enough to me for me to destroy sound, working relationships for it. Seriously, what good does that do me? If she's a good wife, mother, ally, and friend, am I really supposed to throw her away over a piece on the side? Let others have their opinions, but I find it destructive and foolish, and I refuse.

[themastaplan]

maybe I read you wrong...i AGREE completely " If she's a good wife, mother, ally, and friend, am I really supposed to throw her away over a piece on the side?" I couldn't agree more...im sorry I must have read what you said in the wrong content! thanks for your responses!

[MysteriousLexi]

But what did you want going into the relationship? Was this discussed before marriage? And did she lie about it ever? Also if your okay with it does that mean that she is still sleeping with you and getting YOUR needs met? If not does that mean your doing the same or sacrificing your sex life for hers? Was it because your not compatible in bed or didn't want to reignite the flame? Sorry for so many questions but it does confuse me.

[ToolBoxForCouples]

Loyalty definitely exists. You just have to find the "right person" ... and I know that's about as cliche as it gets. But, my life is proving that it's as true as it can be.

I am in my 2nd marriage, and my wife is in her 2nd marriage -- and both of us were cheated on by our former spouses. Now, you would think this would make us distrust each other, but we don't. I am fully committed to her, and I know she is fully committed to me.

My wife recently wrote a blog entry about it: toolboxforcouples. com/when-at-first-you-dont-succeed-tips-for-second-marriages/

[lizzy1987]

People are selfish. Relationships take selflessness. You can't always have your way. If both people focus on making the other persons life better instead of just their own needs then things will work.

[themastaplan]

i like that