If he says he's "not really looking for a relationship" but is he changing his mind?

There's this guy I've been dating for a little over a month now. We started hanging out casually with a group of friends for the first couple of weeks, but we've been getting closer and closer as time goes on.

We both knew we were attracted to each other and we get along really well. He was upfront with me early on in telling me that he wasn't really looking for a relationship. He's had two serious relationships in the past and he ended up getting hurt, so I guess he's afraid of ending up in another situation like that. I told him that I was and he said that we could see what happens.

Now even though he said he's not looking for a relationship, things have seemingly been progressing in that direction. We talk every day even if we don't see each other. He always includes me in his plans for the weekend and tries to see me at least once during the week even if it's just to go for a quick walk because he says he misses me. He's very affectionate toward me and is always holding my hand, putting his arms around me, and kissing me when we're together. But he's never pushed for sex.

We talk about all kinds of things and he's even opened up to me about some of the not-so-good things in his past. We have tons of stuff in common and both have similar laid back personalities. He's pretty much everything I've been looking for. He's often told me that I'm the coolest girl he's ever met and that he likes me a lot.

So now I'm confused because even though he said he doesn't want a girlfriend he treats me as a guy would his girlfriend. Is it possible that he's changing his mind and is considering being in a relationship with me, or is he likely to never put a label on things and keep them in a vague middle ground? I really like him a lot and I'm afraid of getting attached to something that can never go anywhere.

I'm hearing back from a lot of the girls on this, but not the boys. Come on guys I could use your input here more! What does it mean to you if you tell a girl that?
Thanks for all the answers on this, but I don't need any more now. We're officially in a relationship :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, you've been given some good female advice, but I'll be the first man to chime in...

    The reason he told you that is simply because He's not interested in a commitment right now. It's true that he "may" still be hurting from a past breakup (but it really doesn't affect us as much as women sometime, because we really can separate or emotions if need be), so we can rule that out.

    A relationship means "we have to." meaning, "we have to" hang out with you consistently, "we have to" talk all the time. "we have to" spend time and money on you, and "we have to" meet your family. Don't read too much into that, it just "is what it is", don't make a big deal about it, it's just the truth

    You are in a good place with him. Why? because he is doing all those things because he WANT'S to, and not because he has to, or is obligated to. So you are doing something right. Keep it up!

    Let me help you close the deal. I know from experience, because I do this same thing in relationships, and this is what it takes for a women is to corral me.

    1. Do NOT bring up "the talk" anytime soon. Do not discuss the relationship, or where it is going, or needs to go. Leave that for much later. You have to gain some traction b4 you can pull that off w/o him running.

    2. Play it cool. Just have fun with him. Make sure that you stay positive and joyful when ever with him. Once he associates you with a fun time, you'll be a first round pick whenever he want to do anything.

    3. Don't play games. Don't try and make it seem like your not into him. You know you r, he knows you r. so just leave it at that. Trust me, he knows that the more time he spends with you, the more you are expecting to end up together, he gets that, and he's still around.

    4. Understand, you are on a trial run right now. Truth be told, he is just trying you "on for size". That's why he won't commit. DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM! if you do, his respect for you is finished, and so are your chances. (men won't tell you this, but when a women gives it away outside of a deep commitment, something inside of us automatically loses a good amount of interest in her.) if you break this rule, it's over

    5. Be yourself, and show your best. He'll began to fall in love w/o even knowing it. One day it will just "hit him" and he'll know how blessed he is to have you in his life.

    6. Just Relax. Soon, you will become irreplaceable. His recent memories, and upcoming plans will involve you. You are now a vital part of his life, and men don't like change. When that time comes, your move will be to pull away slightly until he can't stand not having you around. At that point, you will have him hooked.

    How will you know when that time is? look out for when you two start setting long term goals, and working on things like personal development together. When your relationship matures to where you are helping each other become better people, you have him. Make your move, and watch him bite.

    I wish you the best:)

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      Wow fantastic answer! Thank you for putting so much thought into it! I'm glad to have gotten a guy's perspective on this. We actually did end up talking about this just a little while, and the good news is, he didn't go running and he said he DOES want a relationship with me. Guess I can stop worrying now :)

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      Thank you so much :)

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      -_- I was in this situation! but I tried to play it cool- he thought I was uninterested now I'm pretty sure he's uninterested...i want to try to talk to him but its hard cause I don't know if he's even interested..