My boyfriend is really cocky and I'm not sure how to deal with him?

[Anonymous]

I do love my boyfriend to bits. We've been together for 9 months. It's had it's ups and downs, but when it's good it's amazing.

He is terribly cocky though. For example;

1) I have night planned out with the girls birthdays etc, he will boast about how he stayed in and saved loads of money.

2) He goes out and he boasts that he's just had the most amazing night out.

That's fantastic that he's happy. But he's a little smug about it, like he's always trying to get one over on me.

He seems to be a bit off with me when good things happen to me.

When we fall out and I question how our relationship is working, if we need to talk about something... its a case of this is the way I am or find someone else. I'm pretty sure he does care and he loves me, surely he wouldn't want me to walk away. Relationships are about compromise and making each other happy. I can't just shut up and put up to keep him happy, or should I?

I have just been letting it slide because I can't say anything about it to him, but last night my mum noticed he was really smug about something really sh*tty that's happened at work to me.

What should I do?!

Thanks xxx

[l-hedoniste]

You're not shutting up to keep him happy, but yourself.

If he's being smug to provoke a reaction from you, then you should shut up to avoid giving him the satisfaction. If he's being smug because that's just who he is, then you should shut up because engaging him is useless.

If you want to engage him about it, do it at some time when he's acting like a grownup and in a mood to listen, when you can tell him: "It really upsets me when he's being smug, and it upsets me when people tell me you're smug and I have to agree with them because they're right."

What you NEVER want to do is engage him *when* he's being smug. That just reinforces the behavior and teaches him that it's a reliable way to get your attention.

[Gettinghelp]

He's probably just incredibly insecure in himself.

It's not healthy and will affect your relationship badly if it a serious insecurity issue.

You should probably talk to him about it.