Being in love vs saying I love you? (in a romantic relationship)

[Anonymous]

What's the difference between being in love with your boyfriend, and saying I love you to your boyfriend?

Is there a true difference?

You *love* your boyfriend/girlfriend but not enough to say I love you? or vice versa? You say I love you, but you don't feel you're in love with them? o_O

What are the signs of *FALLING* in love?

I'm 21, by the way.

[AnUnquietMind]

You can love anything or anyone. Loving something/someone is having a deep affectionate connection with it/him/her. Loving someone doesn't mean you have to like them 10 days out of 7 it doesn't even mean you have to agree with them. it just means you have very passionate emotional feelings towards that person.

Now... as for being in love... that's a whole new ball game. The biggest sign of being IN love with someone is the ability to put their happiness, their wants/needs above your own. And to unconsciously know you'd do whatever it took for them their happiness and their success in life. It is a feeling that burns and hurts to your core and by hurt I don't mean painful, there are good hurts. But this particular hurt is the kind that you feel grabbing your heart in your chest and not letting go. there is a difference between the two. I hope I have helped clear things up for you a little.

[dance89wrln]

I understand exactly where you're coming from. My boyfriend and I, after dating for only two months, said 'I love you' for the first time. We weren't in love with each other yet; we were still getting to know each other, but we loved who we were as an individual - making the statement 'I love you' okay to say. I was perfectly fine with it, and I knew he loved me as a person but wasn't in love with me yet.

A month or two later, he told me he'd been falling in love with me ever since we met but had to hold back his true feelings for me so he wouldn't push me away. He said after learning everything about me and spending so much time with me, it was safe to say he was in love with me.

So to me, there's a HUGE difference between the two. I have best friends that I love, but aren't in love with them. I loved my boyfriend long before I knew I was in love with him.

[xcrunner16]

Hmm..this is hard to describe because you just kinda' know when it happens..

But okay..like you can love your family or a good friend or just those people in your life that you wouldn't want to live without. So when you say "i love you" its like saying you guys are that special to each other and its cute blah blah, you know :P

But then...when you're IN love with someone..thats something even deeperr..

ahh...i just can't explain it.. when your in love with someone there's a indescribable mutual feeling

[Asker]

I've experienced young love when I was 17. I'm 21 now, and things are much different once you're out of high school and actually experiencing life. I know the young love feeling but I thought it was love (my first love) but it wasn't, so I'm trying to figure out what's the difference and also how do you know you don't just REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE THE PERSON even tthough it may feel like love? Love seems complicated.

[xcrunner16]

If you REALLY REALLY REALLY like the person what is so wrong with going a little further and loving them? ..

I guess maybe we do have different views on it, but okay..what makes you sure that your first "love" wasn't actually love? maybe that would help me see what you're saying

[shimmer580]

I'm trying to figure out the same thing.. REALLY REALLY LIKE SOMEONE vs LOVE

[JoTree]

A person doesn't have to be in love to say those words, which in itself is a lie. But if someone is "in love", saying those words validates those feelings. There is no difference whether or not you say it.

By the way, you are describing the dilemma that every man faces.

Signs?

Do you feel like your going through withdraw when your not around him for a long period of time?

Is every other thought about him, even when you don't want it to be?

You feel you would die if he died right now?

There are more, but you get the idea. Being in love is like being on an addictive drug. The effects subside slightly with time but strengthens into a tight bond if your truly love each other.

[themastaplan]

you should be IN love with the peron you date...well it also deends if you think you can fall in love or love at first sight...

saying I love you has different meanings with who you are saying it to.

you don't mean the same :"i love you" when saying it to a family member as you do to yoru significant other...sure its kind of the same, but no way would you mean the same to your boyfriend as if you said I love you to a friend or family memeber, its a different kind of love

being in love is knowing that, that person has your entire heart and you can fully trust them, having no doubt that your heart belongs to them

[suavaye]

i think saying I love you is thrown around way too much today, girls can even tell yu"ily" in a txt. its not very special to me at least, unless your in love

when your in love you don't really have bad days, for example yu could have just gotten your carr stolen but if the person you love was there to cheer you up yu couldn't hide a smile to same your life. I think when your in love its like inner peace, peace of mind knowing tht the person you cre so much for cares for you just as much if not more.

its a waay more awesome feeling than anything on this earth, better than any drug, or movie, or video game.

ive only been in love once and I'm still in love with her(n vice versa) so its kinda scary to think how people fall out of love..makes me wonder if the people in those cases were in love in the first place..

[toulouse]

..its not better than any drug.. its just the most powerful drug ;)

[suavaye]

lol yea

[cuteshark]

It's complicated, but I think the distinction is in the "excitement" in the relationship. Loving someone is deeply caring for them, but the additional factor of being "in love" has this whole aspect of butterflies, heart racing... Everything that makes a new relationship exhilarating. I believe that the reason so many couples end up separating is because there's no longer that "spark" there was at the beginning.

And saying or not saying "I love you" really depends on the person. I don't think you can compare "being in love" to "saying I love you" because they are completely different things. You can be absolutely in love but be too shy to say "I love you."

Signs of "falling" in love can be all those moments of intense emotion related to that person, all the moments that make your heart skip a beat or make you stop and think "wow, he's amazing."

I'm 21 as well. It's really tough to figure all of this out, but I hope I could help in some way :P

[andrea93]

In my opinion, being IN love doesn't necessarily last. It's something you feel at one point in your relationship. You feel like you need them, you always want to seem them.

Almost infatuation but more serious I suppose.

You can love someone and not be IN love with them. For example, you never feel the same way about each partner. Maybe you love them, maybe you're in love with them but it's never the same feelings as your previous relationship. They either feel stronger or weaker.

When someone is inlove but doesn't say I love you - I think that has to do with fear of rejection, or moving things too fast. Personally, I am never the first person to say I love you. I don't want the guy to feel obligated to say it, therefor I let them say it when they're ready without adding the pressure of me saying it.

[Anonymous]

I think the difference is when you are with them because you WANT to be. You love your family because you pretty much have to, yet they don't truly fully accept you. They can't, because you don't share everything with them, and there are still some conditions on your relationship. You love your friends and you can choose them, but you wouldn't do just anything for them.

But when you're in love with someone, you want them to accept you unconditionally. You want them to know all about you, and you want to know all about them. This takes a lot of mutual trust, respect, and a deep, insistent desire to communicate with them on every level.

Signs...when you want to do things for them and you don't expect anything back. When you want them to be happy, and would do anything just to see them smile. Well, within healthy reason anyways, but more than you would do for your friends and family.

[Corset]

The words "I love you" are thrown around way too much, you always hear someone say it.. but not actually mean it. Personally, I never use it unless I mean it. I wish everyone did this..

Iguess you could go by how often he says it/whom he says it too.

[Anonymous]

its something that you just feel. you know when you're in love because you know he's the one. you don't ever want to be with anyone else and you couldn't bare it if he was with another women. every time you see them you become lit up like a light and are immediately happy. if you're in a fight you still say I love you before you go to bed at night. you want to marry that man and have a family together. you see yourself growing old with them. you see every moment of your life and he is always in it. no matter if its been 2 months or 9 months or 2 years! you still fall in love with them more and more everyday. its like every time you see them after a days work, or even hear their voice if you're in a long distance relationship, you fall for them all over again.

thats true love.

im 19 and I KNOW I've found the man meant for me.

[Anonymous]

I was in love with my new boyfriend after the third month, but I didn't realise. I thought I was still in love with my ex, who dumped me 9 months earlier, and I just needed someone to vent my affection out to, and I was venting it to my new fellow. That's what I told myself for the next year, that I was confused, but I never felt anything this powerful for my ex. I thought that the hurt I felt from being dumped was what was amplifying the displaced feelings for my new guy. A year and 6 months later, I finally accepted that what I felt was due to him, and only him, because he's the one, and I knew it all along.

Two years later and I feel more crazy about him everyday. We're moving in together soon. I know this probably isn't answering the question but hey, sometimes you can be in love, and convince yourself you're not, is my little nugget.

[golfer_wi]

Love starts when you get past the initial point of lust. Often when we first fall for someone, we think we "love" them. We are crazy about them, can't get enough of them, etc. Eventually that initial craziness fades away... and if you still are crazy about the other person when you are truly living every day life... that's when it's love.

At least, that's what I think...

[BreathMe]

youre so right. when there is love, you just feel it. its not somethign easily to describe either. its just like.. for me, I feel like in my chest I have these butterflies of emotions whenever I look into my boyfriend eyes or when he says I love you or when I say it to him. its such a great feeling I never was sure to have. and it most certainly has not faded away! :)

[toulouse]

how do you know if its the initial craziness or real craziness about them, if in both situations are crazy about them? perhaps crazy was not a good choice of terms?

[EquineJewel]

I tell my boyfriend I love him but I'm still not sure if I'm IN LOVE with him...like for me telling someone I'm in love with them is a major thing. I knew I was inlove with him when I worried about his well being over my own and when I realized how he is the person I come to when I'm sad and is the person I want to be with for the rest of my days :)

[Standingpretty]

You can love someone without being in love with them. Yes, There is a HUGE difference. You can love your family, your dog, your friends, but you aren't in love with them. Loving a partner is a different feeling. Saying "I Love you" does not necessarily mean you are in love, that sentence is misused all the time. Love is when you are past lust and infatuation and getting into a comfortable, less exciting stage, yet you still want to be with them, there is an attachment.

[valleygirl]

The words I love you has lost it's true meaning so nowadays when someone say I love you, in the back of your mind you answer is "really", I agree with people who are very much in love but doesn't say it until they take the big step because there is a lot of heartbreakers out there,

[shimmer580]

wow these are all such great answers! I think you being in love is when know in your heart that other person means the world to you and you would do anything for them. Saying "I love you" is a way to say that feeling but sometimes, especially after a couple has been together for a really long time, you love someone but not be in love. Basically meaning, you still care deeply about the other person and want what's good for them but maybe not as much in a romantic way

[Mesonfielde]

I've heard of girls rejecting guys because they made the girl their priority, she was their "world" and they just said "oh okay you're clingy and dependent, I don't want a guy such as you" or "I am not supposed to be more important to you than yourself." or "I'm not supposed to be your life." Stuff like that.

What do you think? It quite contradicts with your idea of love, no matter how beautiful it would be if it actually worked.

[toulouse]

guys do that too.

i think those people who say someone is clingy, are simply not in love. if you are in love 'clinginess' is welcome affection. its annoying if you don't feel it.

i think they were not honest with themselves. They should not have been in the relationship,. I think instead of trying to blame someone elses behavior for their own displeasure in life, they should have left before insulting/harming.

That sh*t can really F*** someone up for the next person who actually WANTS that love.

[shimmer580]

I think its the concept of always wanting what you can't have IMO. Girls like guys that are into them, yes, but when they put all their cards on the table and are up your butt, we lose respect for them and the attraction fades too. We want someone who is sure of themselves and will treat us great without letting us walk all over them. That's just not attractive. That's just my 2 cents.

I also think clinginess is part of insecurity.

[island_princess]

it's easy or hard to say I love you to anyone of the opposite gender and being in love with someone; but what is the difference between "I love you" and "being in love"?

"I love you" is words expressing of the thoughts of in the mind. "Being in love" shows everything in action feelings from the heart. I hope that helps.

[Anonymous]

Do some research on Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, maybe it'll give you some insight. It's more about feeling and belief than about rules, etiquette and dictionary definitions, I'm afraid.