Can I trust a married man?

Can I trust a married man who says he loves me?

Dear guys,

I REALLY need your male perspective on this.

I recently started having an affair with a married man when he was over visiting from another country. (Now before you brand me a whore, I have NEVER does anything this before and in fact, haven't been with any man since I broke up with my last boyfriend several years ago.) Both quite magically we both fell into it very unexpectedly and by both of our admissions, had four of the most wonderful days of our lives. Since he left a month ago, he has written me daily, called me weekly, saying how much I mean to him, how much he loves me and that he can't wait to see me again. He even cried the night we parted and has welled up a couple times on the phone when we go to say goodbye. And yet, he has also said he has never been unfaithful before, can't leave his family and loves his wife, often on the heels of making reference to the incredible bond and connection we feel and 'prays' for the day when we can get together again soon.

However, when I have suggested more than once my visiting his country next year or even us meeting in another more neutral location, I find his responses lukewarm - using words like 'maybe', 'possibly' and 'one day.' And yet he constantly peppers his emails with words like "I can't bear to lose you" "I am yours forever" and "I can't wait to see you again."

So I am confused. If there is no future for us as a couple and he isn't jumping at a chance to meet, what does he want from me? I would have assumed this guy is a Class A player but then why write, why call if all he was out for was sex - which he could certainly get a heckuva lot closer to home. And with 8 hours flying time between us, I can't imagine he's lying about everything he has said when he isn't even guaranteed we will even see each other again.

So I guess I am wondering (a) if he really means what he says in regards to me and (b) what he wants from me?

Please help.

Thanks so much.

Lost in love.


Most Helpful Guy

  • He could have motives that you are aware or may not even have a clue. The attraction is easy to build. It's chemistry and we don't have control over it. Not knowing how long it has been, I will say this is lust than anything else. Love takes time to build, needs to be nurtured.

    He might be telling the truth that he had never cheated before and that he loves you and his wife. It might also be true that this is not only for sex but something more. But when it comes down to it, he is less likely to throw out something he worked hard to build for a long time. There is also the comfort factor. As much as he might have caught a glimpse of excitement with you, he know that he is comfortable with what he has.

    One person does not satisfy all the needs of a human being throughout his or her life so they are always on the look out. Be it sexual, emotional, fun, excitement, just friendship there are levels at which two human beings can click wonderfully. While you might click at a level to sustain the current level of your relationship with him, you are at a disadvantage of not knowing what he truly values when it comes to more than that, i.e. to sustain a marriage. I don't think anything in your relationship with him now is enough to take it to the next level.

    To answer the question, sure you can trust a married man when he says he loves you. But I think you should be asking yourself if you are strong enough to cut your losses and move on. If you don't, you will be losing a whole lot of time hoping to be with him without his wife in the picture one day and then even more time to get over him and more time to heal your broken heart. If something is too good to be true, it is rarely true.