He's 13 years older than me?

I met this cute guy but he's 13 years older than me is that to much time difference? I'm 20 and he's 33

 

What's Your Opinion?

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • It isn't age as much as experience than could make this work or cause you problems.

    At 20 you are still in the mode of deciding what you want your life to look like. You are ready to experience life as an adult.

    At 33, we have been there, done that. We just feel more sorted about what we want and what we think life will be for us.

    My fiance and I have an age difference as well, though I am older. He is in his 30's so he has a lot of life experience and has his children and in many ways we are on the same page about life. However, in some big ways we are not. I have an established career and financial freedom he does not. He is just starting his own business and he is struggling financially and he is very traditional and has no interest in having me pay his way. For us the main problem that has caused is me wanting to help out in some ways, financially, that he just cannot accept. That means I have to stand back at times I wish I could just step in. What gets us through this is respect and maturity in understanding what is really important.

    So, look more at your life goals and where you each are at with them. That is something that will take some time to really see, more like when the honeymoon phase of your dating is over. Oh, and be careful of older guys who just see a young gal as sexually interesting and think they can dominate you and push you around. As long as he respects your wishes and doesn't pull the "I'm older and know better" card on you, you will be fine.

What Guys Said 19

  • too old in my opinion but you can do whatever you want

  • My sister's partner is 18 years older than she is, I thought that was extreme but after I've gotten to know him he's a great guy and it seems normal now. I guess a lot of people are wary seeing an older guy with an younger girl because they judge what his intentions are too quickly. Hope you're guy is one of the good ones.

  • Age is just a number I will say , But it all matters how you feel about and around him . If you think he is what you want , I will say let the age difference be no problem .

  • Why do people keep obsessing over this whole thing: "when she was this age he was doing this or that?" Who cares? What are they both doing now is what I'm more interested in. Was he molesting children back then? No so why can't we move on toward more relevant discussion. Are those really the thoughts that people use to make the most important decisions in their life? No wonder the divorce rate in this country is so high. Look at the ignorant teeny bopper thought processes that we use. She is not talking about picking out a pair of shoes to match her purse.

    I say go for it. Consider all the angles of it and not just the first 6 months of it and if it still appeals to you then why not? Like the girl below posted, we are here today and gone tomorrow so do what makes you happy. And in terms of him getting "old"...Everybody is different. My dad is in his 60's and as much as it grosses me out to hear about it, he is a beast sexually and don't take anything for it. If the guy is more attractive to you at his age than your peers of your age, he probably has just plain good genetics. And so 20 years from now he will probably still be more attractive at 53 than those guys will be at 40.

    Aging all boils down to 2 things. How well they take (and have taken) care of themselves and GENETICS. There is a 56 year old dude that murders everybody in our MMA gym. And there are plenty of 19-20 year old guys that are laying on a couch right now, fat as all outdoors, playing video games and eating fast food. And that's the way they will most likely be their whole lives. Research shows that most people continue the lifestyle and habits for the rest their lives that they have settled into by the age of 20. There are exceptions but it is pretty true. Atleast with the older guy, you know what he is and what he's gonna turn out to be. No surprises.

  • It's not about now, it's about 10-15 years down the line. If you don't care to think that far ahead, then don't worry about it. Suck his wallet dry.

    10 years from now, you will be entering your sexual peak. At the same time, he will be having his midlife crisis. You will crave more love and passion, while he will be almost completely impotent and disinterested. See the problem? Naturally, men become consumed with work and being able to maintain a standard of living, and it can be stressful. Not to mention, his testosterone levels will be... ehh.. down.

    • Absolute tosh. How can you predict the life of someone other than yourself when it's almost impossible to predict the life of yourself.

  • yeahh you got a car to drive you around, an apartment to f*** with him, an somebody more mature than the guys of yoru age, plussss think of all the $$$$ that he has? just think of all the shoes and dresses that he could buy you

  • thats OK it isn't like high school times where you get people talking sh*t.

  • I"m 33 dating a 21 year old woman I met at a group outing. We're in love with each other now. The sex is great, she's very intelligent, will end up being a dentist, I love spending time with her, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to ask her to marry me some day. If you feel it's right do it.

  • Well, technically no. It's more of an image thing, and that's purely up to the two of you to deal with.

  • Depends what you both want. He may be thinking about marriage while you may be thinking about dating. If he simply wants to date and sex be careful he doesn't have a secret family else where. other than that age difference mean nothing

  • too old in my opinion

  • Yes it is.

  • It doesn't matter.

  • There's a sort of rule-of-thumb to go by for this question. Half his age plus seven is the youngest he should date. In this case, they youngest socially acceptable girl for him would be 23.

  • Absolutely not. If you go through life worring about things like a number, you're going to miss out on a lot.

    What's more important is how happy you make each other feel. If the relationship isn't one sided. If it's equal in give and take. If you feel comfortable with each other.

    It's like saying is this person too tall for me. It's just a number. Don't judge people on one aspect of what they are, you may be missing out on all the amazing qualities they have behind that number.

  • If you think it's OK go ahead, but make sure the maturity difference isn't to much.

  • Since he is pretty much biologically old enough to be your father, I would recommend against it. You are still maturing at this point and getting experience of the world. At 33, I imagine he has matured quite a bit more and more experienced. In a few years, it might not be as big of an issue, but you are barely an adult at this point. As you get older, the years difference is not that big of a deal, but you are still at a point that it probably would be. When you two talk, he may bring up things that make you say "I was in 2nd grade when that happened." Awkward.

    • Like I said - biologically old enough to be her father. I said nothing of mature enough, old enough, appropriate, morally right, etc. Just the physical aspect of it.

    • a 13 yearl old having kids

  • for a fling no. For a relationship it could be. There is a big maturity gap between people in college and people who are a few years out into the real world. I wouldn't dismiss it purely on the numbers though.

  • That is quite a big age gap.

    But age is just a number.

What Girls Said 22

  • it's fine

  • that's a bit old, but if you 2 are OK with it, then so am i

  • At the age of 21 years you are officially an adult so I don't think that a 5 to 15 year age gap is bad as long as you are both adults and its not adult child relationship - then that would be a serious problem like that person should be locked up.

  • TOO OLD!

  • If he has a child, if he is divorced /not to mention if he is married/, if he still lives with his parents, if he's a player, if he has sleazy friends /then you must know he's the same way/, if he seems a bit immature /if he's not mature at HIS age...when will he be/ - he IS NOT good boyfriend material.

  • I disagree, age DOES matter a lot. In your case, you are 20 years old so it is no problem if you somewhat of an idea of what you want and it matches his idea of what he wants. It just depends on where you guys are at and what you want from each other.

  • in 21 and dating someone that's 33. so I know exactly how you are feeling right now. but we have been dating for about 5 months now and I have more in common and feel more comfortable with him than I have with any other guy. I think that if he makes you happy and you make him happy then go for it. add me if you want to talk about it :)

  • It's fine...your a grown women. You should date whoever you wish...My parents are 16 years apart and my grandparents were 14 && they both have wonderful relationships. So plain and simple regardless what others think and find acceptable...when it's all said and done..it comes down to you.

  • age is but a number... that's wha I always say! :)

  • IMO I do think this is a bit to much of an age difference I mean think about it he was buying his first legal beer when you were 8 years old! while it IS possible if two people love each other enough that it can work with this kind of age difference the major events of the society you were raised are different in some cases dramatically so. so I do think this is not an appropriate age gap for any one but I do acknowledge that stranger things have happened so if you REALLY like this guy then give it a shot its really up to you to decide if you and he are BOTH mature enough to handle that kind of relationship. I wish you the best of luck no matter what happens.

  • You're both adults, so an age difference doen't really matter if you love him or can see yourself falling in love with him.

  • we're here today, gone tomorrow. life's too short to worry about such trivial things. be happy.

  • lol at time difference

  • i would say go for it. I say this because I was in that situation but it all depends on what you both want. courting a mature guy is like no relationship you'll ever have with younger guys. I like it when my guy is mature and knows what he wants and where he wants to be. I had a guy with same age agp and I was engaged and almost married. but in my situation it was like our maturity was matched but in different areas my area was knowledge and his was experience. I think age does not matter as long as you understand each other and care about each other and you both accept the fact that there is a gap and don't worry about what people say. people will look and talk but you know what you want and you are the one that has to be with him. so follow your heart. go for it! as long as there is trust love and understanding and good communication things will work out fine.

  • dude! I'm in the same boat. srsly 13 year age difference...if you want a great plus for this, he's prlly really great in bed!

    I think its fine. Just act with him like you would a normal boyfriend and you're parents will probably like him. Just don't get pregnant lol..

  • it depends on the person & how they act.

    if you guys can be yourselves & you're happy.

    enjoy it, really.

    i tend to chase older guys,

    my friends think it's weird,

    my brothers don't approve,

    but it's not their life, it's mine.

    i think you should go for it,

    most of the time I don't even think about age.

    it's only a big deal if you make it one.

  • Don't worry about age guys never think a girl is too young for him unless she's illegal.

  • when you were 13 he was 26 ... gross

    • 100 years ago neither of them were alive. That's disgusting... blah blah...

    • Yeah but think about it ... when she just hit puberty, he was out of college. That's nasty.

    • And when his is 48, she will be 35.

      Not so bad then eh!

  • I think age doesn't matter as long as the two people treat each other respectfully and are in each others lives for the right reason. Many times a younger girl goes for an older guy for financial security, and men will date younger women for their youthfulness. As long as you two get along and treat each other right than I don't see a problem with it.

  • No. Imagine it, when you were 2, he was 15.

    • I'll keep going here. When she's 60 he'll be 73

      When she's 100 he'll be 133 When she's 200 he'll be 213

      My girlfriend is a lot younger then me and we get alone great...lol. Heck, she push them out of her mind because as she says (fist time in relationship that she was treat as a person). If She see a problem then only she can say its not right.

    • And that's... bad?

    • Still, he would have 13 more years worth of knowledge that she wouldn't have.

    • Show Older
  • eh look at demi moore and ashton kutcher. It's all about your preferance. If the age gap bothers you, than I would advise against it. If you view age as just a number, go for it :) Just don't get too serious too fast. He might want to settle down earlier than you (if you do start to date) because he is older. But think about it, he'll hit 40 before you're even out of your 30s. You'll be 27. Are you OK with that?

  • The number is not important. If you were 35 and he was 55 I wouldn't see anything wrong with that. A 20 year old is a seen as a child to a mature 30+ year old man (I mean absolutely no offense there). I've never met a 20 year old that had already settled on her career, her life path, or even where they'll live in the future. These things are usually constantly changing in the early 20's, and you might be on a completely different path in 5 years, which can complicate or even end even the best relationships.

    If you are just wanting to have fun and date, fine... go have fun with him. I would avoid a serious relationship or any commitments though. Just my advice through experience.

    • if you have a connection go for it, I on the other end am not into it but follow your heart

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