He's 13 years older than me?

I met this cute guy but he's 13 years older than me is that to much time difference? I'm 20 and he's 33


Most Helpful Girl

  • It isn't age as much as experience than could make this work or cause you problems.

    At 20 you are still in the mode of deciding what you want your life to look like. You are ready to experience life as an adult.

    At 33, we have been there, done that. We just feel more sorted about what we want and what we think life will be for us.

    My fiance and I have an age difference as well, though I am older. He is in his 30's so he has a lot of life experience and has his children and in many ways we are on the same page about life. However, in some big ways we are not. I have an established career and financial freedom he does not. He is just starting his own business and he is struggling financially and he is very traditional and has no interest in having me pay his way. For us the main problem that has caused is me wanting to help out in some ways, financially, that he just cannot accept. That means I have to stand back at times I wish I could just step in. What gets us through this is respect and maturity in understanding what is really important.

    So, look more at your life goals and where you each are at with them. That is something that will take some time to really see, more like when the honeymoon phase of your dating is over. Oh, and be careful of older guys who just see a young gal as sexually interesting and think they can dominate you and push you around. As long as he respects your wishes and doesn't pull the "I'm older and know better" card on you, you will be fine.


What Guys Said 19

  • There's a sort of rule-of-thumb to go by for this question. Half his age plus seven is the youngest he should date. In this case, they youngest socially acceptable girl for him would be 23.

  • Since he is pretty much biologically old enough to be your father, I would recommend against it. You are still maturing at this point and getting experience of the world. At 33, I imagine he has matured quite a bit more and more experienced. In a few years, it might not be as big of an issue, but you are barely an adult at this point. As you get older, the years difference is not that big of a deal, but you are still at a point that it probably would be. When you two talk, he may bring up things that make you say "I was in 2nd grade when that happened." Awkward.

    • a 13 yearl old having kids

    • Like I said - biologically old enough to be her father. I said nothing of mature enough, old enough, appropriate, morally right, etc. Just the physical aspect of it.

  • Why do people keep obsessing over this whole thing: "when she was this age he was doing this or that?" Who cares? What are they both doing now is what I'm more interested in. Was he molesting children back then? No so why can't we move on toward more relevant discussion. Are those really the thoughts that people use to make the most important decisions in their life? No wonder the divorce rate in this country is so high. Look at the ignorant teeny bopper thought processes that we use. She is not talking about picking out a pair of shoes to match her purse.

    I say go for it. Consider all the angles of it and not just the first 6 months of it and if it still appeals to you then why not? Like the girl below posted, we are here today and gone tomorrow so do what makes you happy. And in terms of him getting "old"...Everybody is different. My dad is in his 60's and as much as it grosses me out to hear about it, he is a beast sexually and don't take anything for it. If the guy is more attractive to you at his age than your peers of your age, he probably has just plain good genetics. And so 20 years from now he will probably still be more attractive at 53 than those guys will be at 40.

    Aging all boils down to 2 things. How well they take (and have taken) care of themselves and GENETICS. There is a 56 year old dude that murders everybody in our MMA gym. And there are plenty of 19-20 year old guys that are laying on a couch right now, fat as all outdoors, playing video games and eating fast food. And that's the way they will most likely be their whole lives. Research shows that most people continue the lifestyle and habits for the rest their lives that they have settled into by the age of 20. There are exceptions but it is pretty true. Atleast with the older guy, you know what he is and what he's gonna turn out to be. No surprises.

  • Yes it is.

  • It's not about now, it's about 10-15 years down the line. If you don't care to think that far ahead, then don't worry about it. Suck his wallet dry.

    10 years from now, you will be entering your sexual peak. At the same time, he will be having his midlife crisis. You will crave more love and passion, while he will be almost completely impotent and disinterested. See the problem? Naturally, men become consumed with work and being able to maintain a standard of living, and it can be stressful. Not to mention, his testosterone levels will be... ehh.. down.

    • Absolute tosh. How can you predict the life of someone other than yourself when it's almost impossible to predict the life of yourself.

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What Girls Said 23

  • Don't worry about age guys never think a girl is too young for him unless she's illegal.

  • The number is not important. If you were 35 and he was 55 I wouldn't see anything wrong with that. A 20 year old is a seen as a child to a mature 30+ year old man (I mean absolutely no offense there). I've never met a 20 year old that had already settled on her career, her life path, or even where they'll live in the future. These things are usually constantly changing in the early 20's, and you might be on a completely different path in 5 years, which can complicate or even end even the best relationships.

    If you are just wanting to have fun and date, fine... go have fun with him. I would avoid a serious relationship or any commitments though. Just my advice through experience.

    • if you have a connection go for it, I on the other end am not into it but follow your heart

  • i would say go for it. I say this because I was in that situation but it all depends on what you both want. courting a mature guy is like no relationship you'll ever have with younger guys. I like it when my guy is mature and knows what he wants and where he wants to be. I had a guy with same age agp and I was engaged and almost married. but in my situation it was like our maturity was matched but in different areas my area was knowledge and his was experience. I think age does not matter as long as you understand each other and care about each other and you both accept the fact that there is a gap and don't worry about what people say. people will look and talk but you know what you want and you are the one that has to be with him. so follow your heart. go for it! as long as there is trust love and understanding and good communication things will work out fine.

  • eh look at demi moore and ashton kutcher. It's all about your preferance. If the age gap bothers you, than I would advise against it. If you view age as just a number, go for it :) Just don't get too serious too fast. He might want to settle down earlier than you (if you do start to date) because he is older. But think about it, he'll hit 40 before you're even out of your 30s. You'll be 27. Are you OK with that?

  • You're both adults, so an age difference doen't really matter if you love him or can see yourself falling in love with him.

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