He always says he thinks I don't love him, but I can't think of another way to convince him that I do. Can someone give me some advice on my boyfriend's behavior?

My boyfriend and I have been together a year now, and recently he has been sending me some very mixed signals. He tells me that he wants to marry me and talks about our future together, and then he has days where he doesn't even let me touch him. Like right now, I got home and sat down to watch some TV with him, and he says he is gonna go lay down, but I can hear the TV running in the bedroom. I'm just having a hard time understanding what is wrong I guess. He sometimes will lose his temper and yell about silly things. He always says he thinks I don't love him, but I can't think of another way to convince him that I do. I surprise him with little gifts, and I compliment him and tell him how much I love him, but he still isn't convinced. Can someone please give me some insight on what might be going on? Or something I can do to get him out of this funk? Please and thanks!


Most Helpful Guy

  • I would say that he's probably got some issues that he's working on that you don't know about at the time. You should find a time where he's receptive, and ask him about these seemingly depressive times. See if you can get him to think of you as someone to confide in, instead of someone to avoid when he feels this way.

    As for showing him that you love him without saying it, nothing could be easier/harder. The truth is, you have to be observant of his likes/dislikes, every day wants and needs. You can do a lot that shows you really care without ever saying it, and then saying it will mean so much more. If he's a basket ball fan, throw a finals party. If he's had a tough day at work, fix him a drink, a nice meal, keep it quite (unless he wants to talk) and do all the work in bed that night (unless he's up for taking charge). These are only a couple of suggestions, but you can figure out a million different ways to make your time together a respite for him, instead of another battlefield in his day. One thing though, You should be getting a lot of the same treatment from him. If this is a one way relationship, I would caution you to ensure he actually is doing his part in the caring department.


What Guys Said 7

  • Have you talked to him about it? Telling/showing him that you're hurt that he doesn't feel as though you love him? Also it sort of sounds like that isn't the issue, it sounds like he may be depressed about something or upset about something unrelated, ever offer to talk/listen to whatever it may be that's bothering him? Either way I'd say your best bet is trying to talk to him asking him what's up and show your support. I mean sounds like you're really putting effort into showing you care and love him, so the only thing that really makes sense is he's going through something or possibly had some previous bad experience in a relationship that causes him issues with believing someone cares/loves him.

  • he could be sexually frustrated. I know when I get sexually frustrated It makes me start to think my girl is not as interested in me as much as she use to be. try to pay attention very closely to when he is "making a move" then jump his bones and enjoy it. don't just be like "here" and lie there like a dead fish. Let him know how excited you are to be f*cking the king of the jungle.

    but that could just be me and my view on things...

    • I actually have a much more active sex drive than he does. I almost always initiate, and I sometimes even get shut down

  • Actions speak louder than words. Be really affectionate and show him how much you love him. Sneak up on him and give him a hug and tell him how much you love him. Hold his hand a lot. You know, all the things girls are good at - mushy feelings and stuff :P. Make him know that he's the only guy you see in a more-than-friends way. And tell him you love him often.

  • maybe it is a sexual thing. do you go down on him? do you suprise him by going down on him? it may be a sexual thing or he may be upset at something else or maybe he has depression.

  • Maybe he just wants you to be more intimate through a physical sense like skinship, not sexually. Maybe he's dying for your affection, hugs, kisses and to physically feel you love him but not through sex.

  • Ask him why or what makes him think you don't love him.

    Failing that you could always go for the drastic option of buying a ring getting down on one knee and asking him to marry you.

    • I think she wants him to love her not pack his stuff and be on the first train to "AnywherebutHeresville"!

    • Huh?

What Girls Said 3

  • Talk to him and ask him what can you possibly do to convince him that you do love him plus what use is it if he's not any making any effot to even love you back and buy you sweet little gifts like you do for him, it seems so one sides, your making all this effort to try and make it alright but he's just completely ignoring the issue by closing himself off in his room watching TV like nothing is wrong. He really needs to start opening up to you and explaining why he feels this way, if people have had too many bas experiences in relationshios in the past it can make them feel very insecure and give them low self-esteem, they will that everybody they go out with is going to cheat on them and hurt them so they stay closed off and distant so they don't get hurt, if he really expects you to love him he has to make an equal effort too starting by opening up to you. In a relationship there needs to be comunication but if he's just nit picking and arguing over stupid things but isn't sorting out the issues that are really important then it's a problem for your future together.

  • My boyfriend does that just so ill tell him again. Maybe that's what your boyfriend is doing?

    • I thought that too, but if I tell him any more in one day, there won't be time for regular conversation :/

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    • Bipolar disorder? I have bipolar and it is NOTHING like that. There are different kinds of bipolar and the mood swings can be very severe even if it's not that bad. You cannot honestly take from the information given to us that he has bipolar, that is ridiculous.

      He may have depression or you may not be expressing the kind of love that he wants. For instance, if he touches you a lot then perhaps he feels he's not getting enough physical attention from you. My boyfriend thinks it's sex... Lol

    • i didn't mean any thing by it I don't know what its like to be bi polar or how exactly pleople act who are bi polar sorry

  • my boyfriend says the same to me...he tells me in my face that he feels I don't love him cause I never compliment him :(

    then he says he knows I do but then he doesn't feel it!

    for me the only problem is giving compliments and accepting compliments :(

    maybe you should just talk to him and find out what he wants you to do, to improve. or just try out random stuff to see if it works :o

    i usually just cuddle, spend time with him and do anything he wants. I would wanna do things together...like baking or crafts. he said he liked it too :o I give him gifts and surprise notes once in a while. I hold him when he's not feeling good/spoon him. when he asleep I like to go to bed and hold him...of course he wakes up and go DID I FALL ASLEEP? ha ha

    if you do spend time with him and compliment him and everything..then I have no idea what the problem is. its best if you just ask him...he could just be upset about something else and gets it out on you :(