Why does the dumper need space?

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy for a few months and then he broke it off since we started fighting. We were doing long distance and it was getting frustrating. I took a lot of things out on him. He says he really wants to be friends but needs time before he can. Then he started seeing someone else 3 weeks later. If he dumped me and has a new girlfriend why does he need time first? Is he just saying he wants to be friends to be nice? Truth is I still want him back but I don't want to tell him that now he is in a relationship.

[selfishstars]

It could be a few things:

1. He was just saying it to be nice.

2. Just because he's the one that broke up with you doesn't mean that he doesn't still have feelings for you. You can have feelings for someone but not want to be with them. Or like, he knows he doesn't want a relationship with you, but is worried that talking to you or being around you will confuse him.

3. The "space" is actually for you---he wants there to be some time for you to stop being angry and/or to get over him. Even if you haven't told him you want him back, he might assume that you do (since he's the one who broke up with you).

[rock1]

I honestly think that what he is trying to say is that he does not want to have contact w/you for awhile, if a guy is able to jump into seeing someone else 3 weeks later, it goes to show that he really didn't value your relationship to much and possibly had it planned? If I were you, I would cut him off completely!, I know its hard, but by giving him the space that he wants, that will allow him to actually wonder about you and possibly question himself on how much he actually did care for you and maybe start missing you. don't wait around for him though!

[sgahjgjgc]

Don't contact him for 3 weeks. If he contacts you ignore him. After 3 weeks, he will want to meet up. Tell him that you think the break up was a good idea. This will make it seem as if he was the one who was rejected, then the balls in your court. If you want him back, this is the only way.

As far as the new relationship, rebounds never last.

[DishLady]

First, don't tell him you want him back. He wants space to shake off whatever feeling he may have for you. He may be dating this girl just to forget you. Whatever the case, it I really time for you to move on.