He's not ready for a relationship

What does it mean when a guy says he's not ready for a relationship right now? He said he cares for me, doesn't want to hurt me and thinks we should stop having sex for now. He wants to keep dating me and isn't seeing anyone else. What gives? Should I stick around?

Thank you all for your answers. I've decided that if a man doesn't know what he wants then he should go figure it out on his own. I'm constantly being hit on by men. If he wants to risk losing me, then he doesn't see my worth. I'll still be his friend because I genuinely like him. That being said, I'm not going to be a push over waiting for him to be "ready".

I told him he should go date other people. When he sees what's out there, I guarantee he'll be back. Will I be waiting? Nope
To clarify my update... I will continue being his friend because, I really like him but, this is something he needs to work out on his own. I need to worry about myself too. I don't want to be hurt. This could be his way of letting me down but, who knows. I can't wait around just to end up being disappointed. I have to keep my options open just in case.
I ran into a guy I went on a few dates with on my way to work. We're going out tonight. I really need a distraction. I'm going to have to keep myself really busy so, I can stop over thinking this.
Well, I think it's definitely over. I haven't heard from him since the last email. The first one got an instant reply and the next one... NOTHING! I know he's seen it by now because, he's been online. This really freaking sucks but, I guess it's better now than later?!?!?! I better go get ready for my date. I wish I was going with him. **sigh**
Well, we talked a couple times since my last post. I've also been on 3 dates (dif. guys) since then. This is the first weekend we didn't spend together since we met. My phone died on him last convo. He tried to call back but, I fell asleep. Called him back few hrs later, no answer no call back either (that was Sunday). After dating these other ppl, the more I realize I miss him. What to do now? :(


Most Helpful Girl

  • Same thing happened to me but I fought for him, let me tell you it was a waste of time, your decision to let it go and move on is the best one from my experience I got my heart broken in the end, I wish I would have moved on while I had the chance. Do you, like you said if he can't appreciate you, someone better and more deserving will. He will realize what he lost in time.

    • Yes, I agree.

    • The part I do not agree with is that he will realize what he lost in time. They never do. The problem is that they did not value what they had in the first place so they never regret losing what they did not value. I only add this because it helps make it easier to move on from someone when we really see the truth of their total lack of treating you as you want and should be treated. It is all about moving on to finding someone who thinks you are amazing.

What Guys Said 10

  • he might want to live the single life before he gets into a committed relationship. Speed up the process and start dating other guys and see how he handles it.

  • lol Sounds like you're realizing that you're really after this guy. I know how you feel, 'cause it happened to me. you can't go back to him unless you know you're going to wait for him, otherwise It'll keep happening with you leaving then coming back.

    It's up to you to figure out. We're just here to give our opinions. =)

    Honestly? I feel like he's a good guy and you should keep dating him to the extent he's comfortable with. If he truly loves you he'll come around and figure it out. =)

    • I'm so sad. I can't call him again. I hope he misses me too and calls back. I don't want to date other people. I keep thinking about him the whole time I'm with these other guys. One even commented that I'm really quiet and I am the furthest thing from a quiet chick. We were only together under 3 mths why am I so crazy about him? UGH!

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    • lol Very true. =)

    • I'm officially a spaz. We just talked and everything was normal. :) I'm definitely not discussing my other dates and not going out with anyone else til we figure out what we're doing. Thanks for your support.

  • lol Just in case... I understand, and I think it is a very prudent move on your part. =)

    • I was not nasty about it at all. I simply told him that he should date other people to be sure of what he's looking for. No sense in both of us sitting on our hands being confused. I will still be there for him just in a different way.

  • He means what he's saying. honestly.. I broke up with an amazing girl because I realized I couldn't care for her as best as she deserved and as I required. She's happier now, and I would have like to be able to stay with her, but the truth is, I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship. We're still friends, except her new boyfriend is a total B1+(# to me and threatens me if I talk to her, but whatev.. lol

    He's being honest I'd assume. so trust him, and just wait. =)

    • I believe he's being honest too but, I won't be twiddling my thumbs waiting for him to figure his sh*t out. I'll be here to support him but, not waiting.

  • is he going thorugh a rough time right now I act like that sometimes when I've got somthing on my mind you should talk to him about it

    • Yes, he's going through a hard time. He was pouring his heart out to me this weekend about his concerns with his life, etc. He's really unhappy with where he is at this moment in comparison to his friends, etc. He thinks he's too far behind. When I look at him, he seems to be doing very well but, he wants more.

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    • That's exactly why I did it. If we decide to move forward, I don't want this person popping back in the picture.

    • yeah you made the right choice :)

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What Girls Said 22

  • What this means is this guy likes you but he does not love you and he is feeling guilty enough about it to want to stop having sex. It could also be his way of slowly ending whatever you two have going on.

    I see that you mention he has financial problems and obviously stress from that. In my experience, when a guy feels a lot for a woman, even financial problems are not enough to keep him from wanting a relationship. In fact, he will look to the relationship to be his refuge from what is causing him stress. My fiance had and still has some very difficult financial issues as well as child custody and child support matters. Regardless he pursued me like crazy and continues to want to be with me even when he feels amazingly down and stressed at times. I am the thing that keeps him positive, that gives him motivation to keep dealing with all the stress.

    So, it is up to you to just wait it out and see what happens. I have personally not seen something like this turn into a passionate love, but you do not sound ready to throw in the towel, so why not wait it out?

    • Your updates are spot on. It is his deal, not yours, and he should have the space he needs to resolve it.

    • I have to thank my mom, cousin and people on this site for that. My mom was pretty harsh with me. Basically, said snap out of it and stop crying over a guy I hardly know. I really needed a reality slap big time.

    • Wow, your mom is good. About 20 years ago I had to help my mom deal with the loss of a long-term relationship and basically I had to use a dose of tough reality as well as support her to get busy with other things. She thanks me to this day AND she met a great guy 10 years ago that treats her like a queen. It's all about holding out for the guy who truly adores us.

  • The nice thing about some guys is that they tend to mean what they are saying.

    This one is not ready for a relationship with you right now. He may care, but he's not ready for "forever" -- so instead of playing around for a few months then dumping you he is good enough to tell you up front that you two should abstain from sex, which will only make things more complicated down the road.

    NO, you should not stick around. He says he does not want a relationship with you... At least he knows enough to be honest about it.

  • Pfft. He has no effing idea what he wants right now.

  • Noooo! Stop wishing you were with him! This is a new chapter in your life! Welcome it! Have fun!

    • I had a good time with my date and my ex (1st love + ex fiance) called me. So, I have 2 guys that already know me, see my worth and want to have another chance within 2 days. I really needed this confidence boost. I don't how I'll react if/when the other guy shows up. I might actually really have moved on if things continue at this pace.

    • I was hung up on my ex for almost a year and a half after he broke up with me. He finally text me in response to my text to him and said "I'm not going to answer your texts anymore. Goodbye (name) I hope things go well for you". All I told him was that I wished him happiness with the girl he was "hanging out" with. He also knew about my new guy...even wanted to know his name. ?Don't know if the reality of me finally moving on hit him or what. But they made a choice to let us go.

  • Kudos to you for putting YOU first! We all have a tendency to forget about what we want/need because we're busy trying to please the one we're with. That's when we really need to ask ourselves: Well what if he never changes? Then all the time spent waiting has been time you can never get back. Good for you!

    • Exactly! I told my mom about this and she said "Stop acting desperate. If he can't see how fabulous you are he's not the one for you. Focus on yourself". She thinks my ex did a real # on my head because, I wouldn't normally care this much.

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    • Moms are so wise. Gotta love 'em

    • Yep! =)

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