What information should you share with your new boyfriend/girlfriend about your past relationships?

When you start a new relationship, how much information do you share about your past relationships? And what would you consider to be too much?

I feel its important to let the new person know how an old relationship impacts your current relationship (ex. you want to take things slow because you had a bad experience in the past). But I don't feel the need to know any more then that, I just don't like to think about them with someone else.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree with what you say about a previous relationship, I would want to know if she is carrying any baggage. Apart from that I think its best not to say anything, there's no need.. Your starting a new relationship, not bringing stuff from the past into it, which in the end causes probably more jealousy and awkwardness than what its worth.


What Guys Said 14

  • the only thing my current girlfriend needs to know about my ex girlfriend is that I don't care about her anymore and that I've moved onto bigger and better things (aka her)

    bringing up the past is never really a good idea, even if its bad talking...some people will take it as "oh they still think of them..." its better to leave things that are in the past, in the past

    its really none of their business and I understand you want to be honest and all that but sometimes being too open about the past can make your current boyfriend/girlfriend a little more insecure, if they can assure you nothing would bother them about your past, then hey, its up to you how much you tell...

    hope this helps,gl

  • I'm not ashamed of any of my relationships but I'll still avoid bringing up as too often, I've had the issue that a girl lost some selfesteem after learning about an ex/past relationship because the relationship was already at a further stage then where I was with the girl(s) in question, thus leading to a drop in either her selfconfidence or her wondering if I actually want to be with her, etc.

    I'll answer what she wants to know to extend, I'll keep things such as looks, sex and the like to myself regardless as I believe that is between me & my previous partner and believe it doesn't matter at all to a current partner. If I would say something regarding sex (which does happen as women tend to be nosy regarding :P), it'd be a bad experiance or something I really enjoyed but even then I won't mention the specifics as to who, where and when.

    If I do bring up an ex, it'd be in a story where the main point isn't my past relationship but something funny or interesting that happened and she happened to be around or in a "have you ever" kind of way.

    I believe being able to be honest with your partner about everything is definately a great thing to strive for but there is a time and place for everything and I like to keep my bagage where it belongs which is in the closet ;)

    Everyone has some bagage from a past relationship when your in your mid twenties or older, its unavoidable but I don't see the need of showing that straight away untill your relationship is stable & mature enough to bring it up.

  • Well, just as I tell anyone, I will answer any question anyone asks, but I will filter my answer depending on the person and the situation.

    As my connection with my new partner deepens, so do my answers. So, when she may say, "I asked you this already!", I'll say, "Yes, but my answer is different because you are now ready for the full truth."

    If I can't share who I am, which includes who I was, with my future partner, the connection doesn't feel real for me. The connection is ever changing, just like the waves in a lake.

    What I want to do is strengthen the connection with truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

    And just as I begin to understand my partner, I can't be given the full details right away, because it's too much. I have to experience my partner over time to appreciate and understand how complex my partner is.

    • This is a pretty damn good answer bro I must say, especially the wanting to strengthen the connection with truth. If not for truth, how can the connection even be considered legitimate?

  • Share with them what they want to know.

  • I keep seeing this question and will keep replying with the same answer.

    If you want to build a relationship where there are always topics that can never be discussed, or you base your relationship on lies and hiding the truth from your partner then your relationship will not work out plain and simple.

  • If I may sidestep the question for a moment, a great movie to watch that relates to this is "sleeping dogs lie" (made in 2006, not 2005).

    It's about a girl that blows her dog in college and just can't seem to hide it regardless of how badly she wants to forget about it.

    Fact is.. The worse a particular detail about your past is, the more you will try to hide it... and the more likely it will be that detail will HAVE to come up eventually.

    • That sounds like a messed up movie man... lol.

    • Big time :) Free on netflix fyi.

  • Honestly Ill answer basic stuff like how long we were together and why we split up. This one girl I had a thing with started asking me like what she looked like and stuff like that and I didn't really want to talk about her. To be honest I don't like talking about exes in general. I don't expect girls to open up to me about past relationships. I don't care what the guys name was, what he looked like, or what they both did sexually. Now if she was beaten and abused by an ex I want to know that.

  • I usually disclose whatever they want to know. I'm not really ashamed of anything I've ever done so I have no real need to feel uncomfortable. If they want to know explicit details that would strike me as odd without a valid reason but I suppose if they MUST know then I presume they're equipped to handle it.

  • Good question. I think talking less is better. My girlfriend admitted to me that she was in love with her last boyfriend and she fell for him quite hard. It flares a bit of jealousy but I do like to know where she is coming from in "general".

  • I think honestly it's best to mention everything that you feel is important for that person to know and what they want to know aswell. So that when something spills out of your mouth later down the road there won't be any A-bombs going off.

  • There are reasons why all of my old relationships are in the past, and that's where they should stay. I see no reason at all to discuss them with new girls. So long as I'm not dealing with a psycho ex that's stalking me it has nothing to do with my current relationship, and talking about them can do far more to harm my relationship than to help it.

  • You should say as much as your comfortable saying. Maybe slowly, bring a little bit of it up as you and your guy begin to trust each other more. However, if it's something involving sex(sorry if it's a really personal) you should tell him that you have issues with it before it's even on the table. Or else the guy might feel completely stonewalled if you let things heat up only to stop him entirely. If it's a decent guy, he'll respect your point of view.

    Basically, If I were you I would stay as general as possible.

  • this is why I won't do relationships no point in committing to women that are damaged


What Girls Said 13

  • this is a hard one for me... because I'm not really sure how my past relationships effected me, but I know they did.. and I don't know how to tell a guy and what to tell him, so I would probably just wait til he asks.. It sucks because my past relationships I never even knew what a serious relationship really was so I messed up a lot, honestly I wouldn't like to bring them up at all, the past is the past and it made me who I am today, any new boyfriend is just going to have to except me for the way I am.. bringing those kinds of things up is really unnecessary actually, because every relationship, friendship, etc effects a person and makes a person, you can't just put the blame on a past bf.

  • Two people have different stories. They will say their version but what about the ex. I don't think it makes sense for people to talk about past relationships especially when it's the same thing. She cheated on me or he cheated on me when that might not in fact be true. If they can't admit or won't see that they had something to do with it, it's best not to talk about it. From my experience, the guys just can't stop worrying about them when I mention an ex. Don't bring out the past unless THEY ask.

  • Go with your gut. I feel like this isn't a question that has one answer that fits to everyone. If you feel it is important for them to know things, then you should share. If you have second thoughts on sharing something, you probably should keep it to yourself.

  • Nothing unless he asks.

  • If you are still damaged, you really shouldn't be dating period...its unfair to that person to bring unecessary baggage from another relationship into a new one. he shouldn't have to pay for a another man's mistakes. And none likes to talk about past relationships, not even guys... If you still feel pain you need to remain single until you get over it, and can commit to a new relationship without bringing emotional baggage.

    • I am not asking about bringing baggage into a new relationship... more, what do you think is important for a new partner to know so they can understand you better. For example, my past relationships have taught me how important it is to have an identity outside the relationship so now in new relationships its important for me to have time to see my friends and do my own thing... and I think its important for new boyfriends to know that.

  • I think you should just say everything because they're gonna find out anyways and if you leave it till later you might upset someone because they thought something different of you.

  • just enough to let your partner know why they are with you and not them, so she/he knows that a certain behavior your ex did is not something you want in a new relationship. You can alugh about stuff in the past, when you tell your partner that a certain behavior which you don't possess is what youn experienced, this will boost their ego saying I'm better than them. Sex is touchy, it all depends on how your partner can handle it, the less said the better. because now comparisons start etc..

  • Someone already asked the question like this and when I answer the less your partner knows the better, people neg me. But I still insist on be careful with what you are about to tell your gf(bf) about your past relationships.

    Our past may affect our present. And very often our new partner can not handle things right.

    • "the less your partner knows the better" -- do you really believe that?

    • Yes, I do believe. I had such an expereince when my partner couldn't accept my past and it doesn't mean I did everything completely wrong. He just twisted all his own way and destroyed our relationship.

  • don't need to mention their names. If they know it they will dig up that person.

    that's my experience. If I could do it over, which I can't because I married the guy, I would have stated the rules that you just mention girl 1 and why it ended, girl 2 and why it ended. You don't have to go to every detail on how you had your first time with sex, how you did it in the car, how you lived with them and every single detail of what TV shows you watched and every single little thing you did with them. That's overshare and it makes it seem like

    1. You are a loser and don't want to seem like a loser

    2. You are just not over your ex

    3. You want your new girlfriend/boyfriend to feel jealous of you

    4. You really have nothing else to talk about and have no other interests or hobbies except sex and your ex

    keep it on the minimum

  • great question :) I would answer but I've never been in a relationship so I don't really know

  • none

  • This one guy I know who's been in a relationship for four years and is now married said NEVER tell a guy how many people you have been with they will get really jealous (wasn't just talking about me but in general). Guys, is that right?

    • it depends. I have a problem when woman tell me they been with (Large number ) and while they are with me they are constantly texting "guy friends" and a huge amount of their friends are just ex BFs.

      IDC if she's been with a lot of dudes and then she drops them and dosnt talk to them and is with female friends more .

    • a guy has a right to know a girl's past.

    • If its enough names to fill a phone book yes, if its modestly low, no we wouldn't really care at all. least I wouldn't...can't speak for anyone else.

  • Everything. But you should want to share everything, you don't in any way have to though.