On our 1 month anniversary, we had sex for the first time and she needs a break?

[Lionheart1980]

met this girl 3 months ago started officially being boyfriend and girlfriend a month ago , she's been saying that I'm cold and not affectionate enough and don't tell her how I feel , I have been trying to fix this issue , she also had a bit of a wall up cause she got hurt previously..anyway she had broken up with her boyfriend 3-4 months before we met , I was a bit unsure cause I thought id be the rebound guy but she was always saying that she is over him , he cheated on her and treated her like crap anyway that was only when we spoke about our past relationships, we had our 1 month anniversary and had 5ex for the first time that night , she was telling me how much of a big deal it is for her and she didn't want to just have 5ex with just anyone unless she was sure, my ex called me and I told her that I was with someone , her ex called her and she told him she was happy and with someone this only happened 2 days ago we've been officially together 1 month but known each other for 3, spent a lot of time together , I wrote her poems and told her how I felt so did she , she even said she sees a future with me and that I'm different to all her ex's , she would get upset though if I took my time calling back or if my sms's were short , 2 days after we had 5ex which was our one month she turns around and says that she's confused and needs a break , I was shocked cause the day before she was saying how much she misses me and yeah .. AM I wasting my time? what Do I do ? I sent her an sms after that conversation which was over the phone mind you , saying that her ex possibly has gotten into her head and has done a good job of it , I told her I saw a future with her and couldn't believe she done a 360 on me , we even had a ski trip planned and I just cancelled it today we were supposed to leave in 10 days , I told her I was cancelling the trip.. she was fine with that .. we just went shopping for ski equipment 3 days ago spent all this money , anyway Am I wasting my Time with this girl or is she just trying to test me and see if I will chase her?

Updates

+1 y

ok so 5 months later we are back together... we got back together 3 weeks after I posted this question.. its been up and down we've had our issues.. I asked her why she said she wanted space and she said that it was because I wasn't giving her the attention she needed plus she had some family problems and she pushes people away when she's like that .. anyway we are past that now she talks about her problems more , and so do I and I'm not as much of a jerk as I was because I was cold at times...

Updates

+1 y

i was emailing her when we broke up for that month .. after 2 weeks of no contact I started emailing her and then she all of a sudden says to me she needs me and was crying and yeh 4 weeks after we broke up we started talking again ... I need to ask you though.. how would a woman flirt if she had a boyfriend not saying that she does but sometimes I feel like she looks at other guys like without realising, I mean I look at other women but doesn't mean ill do anything.. is this normal.?

[cococabana]

CONT FROM LAST RESPONSE ings got deeper, I started reacting as if it was my ex. And he had been hurt by his ex, she cheated, so imagine how it was, bith of us defensive, both with walls from the past. It wasn't our time, but I always appreciate him, and vice versa. I am sure she is not feeling this way because the sex was not good, so don't worry. Its that when a woman has sex with a man, it is the most vulnerable you can be, so the act itself can open up emotions you didn't know still lingered...When you said to her you could have all the space you want, it probably hurt her more. Obviously you didn't mean it, your pride and heart were defending themselves. But, you should really just send her an email or text or call, and leave a message that you want to take her to dinner or have some coffee so you two can calmy discuss. And give her the option, say, if it is too hard for you, I understand. I don't agree with it, but because I care about you and us, Id rather us stop now, than continue and not work. ...You have to understand, us women don't need advice necessarily, that's why we have our friends...though her friends may be saying, what's wrong with you!, Us womenWANT A MAN TO EMPATHIZE--ACKNOWLEDGE that we have a right to feel this way, and just respect it. Because she said she needs space, don't feel the best DECISION for you both is to end it, just respect her unsureness, and ackwoledge that she opened to you and said she needed space, and give it to her. This guy prob made her feel crappy about herself, and although you have every right to be mad, to make rash decisions and make the decision to "take away" a trip that needed to be postponed, probably made her feel like , OK, this is what I deserve..But remember, she was with you after this other guy because she knew she deserved a good one...text her a sweet acknowledgement, stay calm, she appreciates you. she needs you to be the bigger man, and give her some space.Bt you shouldn't end the relationship...she never said she wanted to end it..and you want advice because I think deepdown, you don't want it to end...loves not selfish, its patient...dont end a good thing soon, let it grow slowly! I am a woman that speaks from experience...with some regret!Shes hurting, she cares, she just doesn't want to be unfair to you...

[Lionheart1980]

i took your advise and just sent her an email .. don't think it will work cause I think it was her way of saying its over cause I wasn't giving her enough attention or affection but here goes... see what happens and if I get a reply.. thanks again Cococabana

[cococabana]

Great! Remember, if her self esteem was hurt, there is nothing you or anyone can do to make her feel confident.But by you being a man and respecting her wishes, no one can be mad at that. I really think she is not just wanting more attention deep down, but you can't overcompensate for what insecurities she needs to face.Be positive,give itr time.i knw it sounds scary, just do it.you are a reformed bad boy..take this rough spot, learn from it.Be the better man:)Philr doesn't undrstnd wmn.be positive!

[Lionheart1980]

spoke to my uncle about this and he reckons I should just go and see her, since this was all done over the phone.. just to sort it out once and for all wheather we end up together or not , at least if I see her ill know

[cococabana]

Sure! Just remember sweet pea, she said she needed some time to think, which in women terms means just that..You will run the risk that she may not be ready to talk/decide yet.u nee you are emotional right now,too,so rmbr that emotions subside, but what you say never does.Just realize part of a growing relationship means when things get comfy, arnd 3 mnths the honeymoon phase ends,n the work begins.if still saysshes nt rdy,shes bng honest because she cares.Be patient.ur answr will come w/o searchng

[Lionheart1980]

i just went and saw her at her work , gave her a rose and said to her to tell me what's going on .. she said she will sms me cause she couldn't talk right now.i said yeh that's fine I just wanted to see you and tell you to call me or let me know what's happening.i left then she sent me an sms saying that she wasn't ready for this and has a lot going on right now .. she realized this was a mistake when we slept together cause it didn't feel right, I said to her that's why I was cold cause I sense it..

[Lionheart1980]

continued .. sensed it from the beginning that's why I had a wall up cause I wasn't sure.. and I was also telling her we should just take it slow cause she just got out of a relationship.. anyway she said I should move on and I was happy she was honest and I respect her for that .. this was the strangest relationship I have ever encountered.. next time I won't listen to the other party no matter how much she persists.. I got to stand my ground like I usually do so that she can want me more.lol

[cococabana]

You are really strong! I am sorry this was not what you wanted to hear, but you did handle it, and like a true man!Rose?shes kickn herslf!ur actions were so not typical, and I promise you,she will be back, but it will have to be on your terms.All relationships happen for a reason, and this showed you and everyone else in her work how there are still great men out there.She needs to work through her own issues,and great its not through u.U stood your ground,w/o being an ass,u wernt being a wimp!Wmn love t

[cococabana]

Aww thank u.I don't know what it wins me,but you will be fine!It sucks right now, but you did what was best for you! Man, and think of all the people who ask what to do on here, and need tons of pumping up to do it! You just had 1 girl give advice from pst experi!If its not now later,she will realize! plus, you have more insight to your inner voice! I admit, us women are so complex with all our emotions,etc,thats why we need men.as a balance! she will realize that, you have, so trot on, you centaur!

[Lionheart1980]

all good .. she has been smsing until now since I wrote to her that I'm thankful that she was honest and lucky that I didn't fall in love with her otherwise I would have been really hurt, then she hits me with " ill drop off your pants when I pick up the money.. I'm like what money .. she's like for the snow... I'm like I am not sure if they are ging to give me a full refund.. she's like sure sure whatever.. bye.. I sent her a message saying to grow up and stop being a kid.. unbelievable tell u

[cococabana]

It sounds like although you have been doing all in your power to please her, she has not gotten over the feelings of being hurt. It may not be her ex that is getting in her head, but his past actions towards her, that she accepted in the past, have made your sweet intentions possibly seem suspicious.Also, he may have been trying to talk to her again, since she said she was happy and with someone else---jerks tend to be that way. If you really care about her, then before you just throw your hands up and walk away---which you wouldn't have since you wrote in detail!--see if you can meet somewhere public, like a restaurant, etc. If she says she needs her space, than express to her your feelings, etc, and walk away.This does not mean the end, but she will need to feel what its like to not have you, that way she can sort out her emotions, without it affecting how you two feel for one another. Anger, sadness, etc, go away with time, but what you say to someone never does, so, maybe the timing is off for one or both of you.But, you can always pick up where you left, and if you really care about her, respect her wishes---let her know you are doing this for her--and walk away. I am sure she will come back, with a clearer head, and clearer heart. And if you welcome her back without resentment, it will make for a great reunion.Remember, better to walk away with great memonries, versus bad ones...If she is testing you, you don't need it. And if she is younger than you, she just needs time...Its hard to go from bad boy to good man right away.

[Lionheart1980]

after she said she was confused.. I said to her well I'm done I'm cancelling the ski trip we planned which I did yesterday and she can have all the time she wants .. we got off the phone .. I called her back later and she didn't answer.. then I smsd her saying that I repect her wishes but cannt understand how she can have 5ex with me for the first tim on our 1 month anniversary and then 2 days later tell me this , we shall see , thanks for your post . I was bad in my past too but I changed with her

[cococabana]

She probably didn't answer because she was upset. She may be having weird feelings, not because of you, but because of feelings of self worth. I had an ex that didn't treat me respect me well, verbally. I come from a great fam, am educated, etc...but I stayed with this guy for a long time. I broke up with him, and was done dating. I met this great guy after, who didn't pressure me, totally treated me the way a woman should be, had a good family, was honest, and at first I was fine, but when my feel

[PHILR]

TELL HER IF SHE THINK SHE NEEDS A BREAK THAT BAD AFTER SAYING ALL THE CRAP BEFORE AND SHE'S UNSURE MAKE IT A PERMANENT ONE YOUR NOT PLAYING A GAME OF WAIT AND SEE (SHE'LL EITHER SAY I'M SORRY I WANT YOU) OR (I'M SORRY BUT THERE'S THIS OTHER DUDE THAT SAYS HE LIKES ME TOO AND I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE (MAYBE EVEN BE HER EX)

YOU DESERVE BETTER AND IF SHE WAS THAT INTO WHY PLAY THE MIND GAMES NOW.

THIS WAY SHE'LL AT LEASTWISE WILL KNOW SHE RUNS THE RISK OF LOOSING YOU COMPLETELY IF SHE CONTINUES.

THIS SOMETIMES IS A COMMON THING THAT SOME WACKED OUT GIRLS DO ESPECIALLY IF LOOKING FOR A LOT OF ATTENTION. THESE TYPE SCENARIOS DO NOT GENERALLY END WELL .

[Lionheart1980]

she didn't even say she needs a break , her exact words were I'm confused I need time to think .. mind you this was after she said that I don't give her enough attention and affection , I was like well what do you want me to do , she got so angry and was like " is that all you can say " and then she hit me with the I need space I'm confused thingy.. ill get over it but it was a total 360 in my book

[PHILR]

MY QUESTION TO YOU IS WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING ON DOING. YOU CAN FIND ALMOST WORD FOR WORD SCENARIOS FROM OTHER GUYS THAT WENT THRU THE SAME CRAP HERE ON LINE. THE BEST BET IS PLAY HARD BALL WITH THIS GIRL . MAYBE SOME REASON SHE THINKS YOUR TO NICE OF A GUY (I KNOW I USED TO BE ONE STILL AM)

YET SOMETIMES CALLING THE GIRLS ON THEIR CRAPPY ACTIONS REALLY DOES HELP. NOT SURE WHY SOMETHING THAT GETS THEIR JUICES RUNNING I THINK.IF SHE SAYS LETS BE FRIENDS SAY NO WAY THOSE ARE MAXED OUT ALREADY,

[Lionheart1980]

she didn't say anything else other than I'm confused and need space.. didn't say anything about breaking up .. anyway I sent her a long as sms after that and basically said the ball is in your court .. I'm done with this no space no time , you either want to be with me or you don't , and she didn't sms back or call .. so ill let it go .. I was good to her but not like a door mat, I was hard but firm like if she did something wrong I would tell her and she knoew she couldn't push me around ,

[Lionheart1980]

her ex boyf was this obsessive paranoid dude who was cheating on her which is why he was so jelous and possessive and she thinks cause I ain't like that , that it means I don't care hense why she said I don't give her enough attention and I was like well fk this I'm out of here you can have all the time you need cause I won't be here.. I think she's a head case .. don't know