He broke my heart repeatedly and now he wants me back again?

[Anonymous]

We have been broken up now almost 5 weeks, we were fighting all the time he arrived at my front door a few days ago asking if we could reconcile, I said I couldn't be his girlfriend again it hurts way to much, so he asked if we could even be friends, I agreed to be friends again, but I still love him and I know he loves me and wants me back, so my question is, I want him to learn this time I don't just want to except him back I want him to prove to me that this crap won't happen again, how do I go about this? and what should I do? How should I act?

[rdr005]

Some people just don't learn, hun. If he didn't get it the first time... or the second time... or however many times "repeatedly" is... please don't set yourself up to be hurt again.

Lets be real... if someone truly loves you, they won't hurt you. There may be mess ups at time... especially if someone is knew to relationships and such, but this guy knows you. He knows what hurts, and what makes you smile, and he chooses to do the first over the second. You've taken him back constantly, and he knows you're soft on the issue. Saying no to dating, but yes to friends, is good enough for him because its an "easy setup" to dating again.

"Learning that you don't want him to just get excepted back" isn't something teachable. Its a heartfelt thing, and it should be something he just knows. If you're going to remain friends, I pray that you do so with the intentions of just being friends, and not as a method of getting him to grow up, because it simply won't work. Given time, maybe he will grow up if he sees you are serious, but you take hi-risk and you set yourself up to be hurt once more. Ask yourself how many times are you willing to get hurt before you're done... Then ask yourself... when should have been the last time you stopped getting hurt. First and foremost, you need to watch out for yourself, and I would suggest ending a potentially harmful relationship altogether, but that is my opinion. But that's just my advice.

~Ramon

[Queen09]

This may not be my post you responded to but it's somethings of what I'm going though right now and it has help me with what I'm going though I just thought I'll let you know you help another person

[TylerKaye]

While is it difficult to tell what the future will hold, it is nice remember the possibility that he is honest about changing. But you would make the right move to-not aggressively-but to gently distance yourself. Protect your heart, but please don't lock it away. The most important thing you should do is TALK TO HIM ABOUT THIS. I cannot emphasize enough how many people suffer in silence because of lack of communication. This needs to happen. Closure. Tell him you may even need his help letting him go OR letting him back in. You can open the door wide or slightly ajar. That is up to you. Whether he comes in or not, that is up to him. He is responsible for his behavior, both current and previous. You will know if he's changes when you are calm, and look on his countenance. Then ask yourself: Is he willing to be any different than before? If yes, help him. If no, help yourself.

[rachiee]

YOU don't do anything, he's the one that needs to SHOW you that things are different. The only thing you should do, you don't even really need to do this, is to tell him that he needs to show you that this time is different and until then you won't accept him back into your life as your boyfriend. He needs to gain your trust and show you that you have a reason to take him back. If you keep taking him back after he hasn't proven anything to you then he will do the same thing over again. The way that you should act is to not make him your life. Meaning, don't center everything in your life around your relationship. Go out and have fun, find other ways to be happy instead of depending on his love for that. You need to learn how to be strong and stand on your own two feet alone. Its okay to talk to him and to let him in your life, otherwise you won't be able to tell if he has changed, but DON'T let him in completely. I wouldn't even let him in half away until he earns that.

[LilRedHead]

I love how stupid everyone's answers are. Here's the reality of it. Couples argue. That simple. It's how you grow and improve yourselves as a couple. However, what were you guys arguing about? Were they things you both needed to change on or you guys can resolve? Obviously you two had some issues with eachoher. There's no games nessecary and no, "lessons" that need to be learned. You two love each other still, then fix it. It's naive to think you two won't fight again. EVERYONE DOES IT. So here's what you do, you two go see each other and you tell him, "I want to be with you again but before we can be together we need to fix these disagreements we have and come to an agreement on some things." Relationships are an equal partnership, no one bends soley on one side. Talking about it in a civilized way is how you make sure it doesn't happen. There, plain and simple.

[Sw128hur]

Question is do you love him?

Because I've been with my fiancé for 5 months. He has lied to me and broke my heart. Lied multiple times. And in the end people may say I'm stupid for taking him back. But I love him. And I know he can change.

So my advice to you is honestly if you love this kid and you feel like there is honestly a future than take him back. You will never know for sure if your making a mistake until he shows you if you are. And if you find out that he has changed and you take him back than 20 years from now you won't be sitting there wondering what would've or could've happens if you would've just taken that risk to maybe possibly get your heartbroken one more time for the guy you love.

Because I did :) and he's honestly changed :) and I've never been happier. Good luck :)

[Anonymous]

no couple gets along all the time (you argue with your family who you've known all your life so why would it be any different) the only thing is how you deal with the problems and get over it...you don't hold grudges against family members, you accept their flaws and get on with it. but as they say you can choose your friends but not your family...soooo if the arguments and problems are not fixable then you need to re-evaluate the relationship and what you actually want. if neither are willing to compromise then it can't work, there are 2 people in the relationship to make it work. he can't prove it won't happen again. maybe he needs to grow up and unfortunatley that doesn't happen over night but over years or a major event in their lives so until that point (if ever) he will most probably treat you the same way.

[sixstring]

I think the best thing for you is not to let him in your life again at all. A lot of men are experts in manipulating women to take them back, convincing them of how they changed and blablabla. But he'll just end up hurting you again.

Be strong and tell him you can't.

[naturaldisaster]

My best advice to you is to let him go, if you don't want your heart stomped on over and over again, leave him and don't even consider being friends with him. He won't promise to you that what he did won't happen again, cause it might. So it really is best that you say your goodbyes. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

[EarthChild420]

Yeah, sorry to say it, but I've been in this situation, and people usually don't change. It's gonna hurt a lot, but freedom is much better than the hamster wheel.

[jamescondor]

To answer your last two questions just act naturally and be yourself. You shouldn't have to change anything about yourself in order for any relationship to work out.

If the both of you were fighting all the time I think it would be in your best interest (and in his too even if he doesn't know it) to break it off completely.

If you want to give him another chance (out of fairness or emotions?) to prove to you that he can be a better boyfriend then go for it but do not expect him to change in this such a short period of time between the breakup.

Stay strong and true and learn from this experience. Hearts heal over time. And in the future you will certainly meet someone else that fits your chemistry better.

[Rayner]

It's the same old story: one who plays with feelings and the other one who suffers!

I don't know about you but I am not very forgiving when it comes to such issues.

There's pretty much at stake and very little to gain, in the best case a broken relationship glued back with a scotch.

What we miss is not exactly that person, but what we taught it was.

Get the real truth: he sucks! And don't rationalize - people who suck don't change!

What I suspect to be the real issue is a will to be in any romantic relationship. So instead of concentrating to the other person, the focus is set on a relationship. And it's wrong!

[candlewax]

How about you find out why you two argue so much. Is it over trivial bs or is it over serious stuff. Reevaluate.

However, if he really loved you, he wouldn't go around breaking your heart repeatedly. Who's to say he's not back around because there's nothing else out there and he knows he can get you back?

[reggie25]

dont fall for his sh*t, let him prove to you that he loves u, or start seeing someone else and drop him completely. it will become repetative and he will think its OK to keep doing it. is his love really worth all the pain and tears he keeps causing you if it is love? you deserve somebody to worship the ground you walk on, you should receive what you give. always

[Anonymous]

well if you are in love, offer one last chance. I'm going through something similar, I want to tell him off for not giving me time in 3 weeks, we aren't official, so its kinda tricky, but I tried it, I said I wanted my stuff back after I was blown off and I didn't hear from him the whole week, apperently he lost his phone, and still hasn't found it? or he wasted years chasing me and doesn't like me now. I think I'm in love, whatcha think?

[Anonymous]

Ok, do you know what love is, to say that you love him. You have lust for him not love and the same goes for him. If he really loves you he wouldn't fight with you so much (because conflict is inevitable).

the only reason he wants to be friends is to slowly lour you back into his trap, don't fall for it.

[Anonymous]

Write up a pros and cons list of everything you like/dislike about him/being his girlfriend... whichever has more is your answer. follow your heart, if you get hurt, you get hurt and will recover and learn from your mistakes. If you listen to your head and not your heart, you'll most likely regret it. So even if it is wrong and everyone/thing seems to be agreeing, just do what is going to make you happy. xx

[Habakkuk]

if he loved you, he wouldn't keep breaking your heart, he just wouldn't do that

[knowmeyourself]

This.

[ShoShoSho]

What's with this "prove" nonsense? You said you still love him, and him you, so let the next chance ,if there will be one , be proof enough. Don't play dumb games

[AmberChick]

Move on, because you guys are in a destructive relationship anyways. It will NEVER work out EVER. Move on and find someone else who won't "break your heart".

[brunettebelle]

Just get him out, he has proved to you in the past and you know how he truly is. Tell him to go and get his own life straight, you don't need him in it.

[sumina7]

FIghts happen when each of the parties want something that they are not getting. Until you determine what that is and solve it, getting a promise from him is not going to work.

[NothingGoldCanStay]

God either break it off completely and ignore him or get back together completely and try and work it out. Don't pick a middle ground like friendship cause TRUST me it won't work.

[acka72]

How did he break your heart?

Though everybody is recommending you to leave the guy... I need to know... otherwise I cannot answer.

[Cyclopentasiloxane]

very true..nobody should be giving advice based on the lack of detail

[Anonymous]

Many stupid comments so far.

The real question is: why are you guys fighting when you are together? And do you think that part can change or not?

Because that's the reason you guys hurt each other in spite of the mutual love.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, but I have to say that he's just not the right guy for you. If he keeps hurting you that intensely, you need to step away from him and not look back.

[Anonymous]

dont I did that and my heart has been broken numerous times again. And worst part he slept with his ex 2 days after we broke up and I only found out a little after I agreed to start 'dating' again. Don't give him another chance. if you guys broke up it was for a reason and that reason won't change it will always be a problem in your relationship. I know its hard but you'll be so much happier in time.