Why is my boyfriend so paranoid?
My boyfriend is completely jealous of every guy I ever talk about, friend, cousin, brother, celebrity, whomever. Especially ex-boyfriends of course, but I only talk about them when he asks about them.
He keeps telling me he's afraid to lose me and that he worries that my previous boyfriend is trying to snatch me away from him. He's incredibly clingy and over-protective, and I really don't get it.
I know his last relationship ended kinda rough, but the level of attachment he has to me is a bit outrageous. We've only been together for two months.
Every time he calls and asks me what I'm doing, if I'm not doing anything in particular, he'll just ask if I'm actually with my ex, which doesn't even make sense. We're still good friends and all, but he acts like I'm out cheating on him. I feel like he doesn't trust me at all, and there's no reason for him not to trust me; I haven't done anything remotely close to cheating, or whatever. So what's the deal? I'm trying to be patient, but lately it's been getting harder to cope with him, and I really don't know what to do.
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Most Helpful Opinion
He probably had a rough past relationship or he may be a really tough critic on himself or towards his self esteem/ something; but it's getting to where it creates some anxiety. that's the paranoid type responses you're getting from him. And he doesn't know how to deal with the anxiety. He probably doesn't even see it as anxiety (this can be super important, because when you bring it up, he may get defensive). And he just feels a tension gnawing at him, and he doesn't know what to think. So he assumes the worst-case-scenario. Which would be the case of you cheating. Instead of just saying to himself "that's just the anxiousness again, I got to get-a-hold of myself." But the next time he goes to the doctor, he should mention something about it. His actions, that is. The other thing that you can do is just to let him know that you Choose to be with him. Nobody's forcing you. But because of his good qualities (that you got to, you know, name some to reassure him) that's why you choose him, and because of his potential you see in him, is why you want to stick with him (or something like this, you get what I mean). And because he's a good person, you don't treat him like he has accusations to follow up on, so he should see you the same way. Hope this helps. Best of luck.
What Guys Said 2
What Girls Said 1
It helps to let a jealous partner know that he or she can talk to you about his or her feelings; that you will listen to a partner’s fears and anxieties and try to understand where he or she is coming from.
Try not to dismiss or discount jealous partner’s feelings (i.e., “Not that again… You are crazy… Where is this coming from?”). Discounting a partner's feelings only makes that person feel more misunderstood and it does not help solve the problem.
I think the best way to approach this is to talk to him about it, there may be a reason he's acting this way. Keep the conversation simple and to the point, or you'll risk losing his attention, you should get a good response as long as you make the direction of the conversation clear. Men are fixers by nature, so finding a problem, if the relationship is good, will mean he will try his hardest to fix it. I hope that helps. good luck :D