What does he mean when he says "I'm not relationship material"?

I met this guy at work 4 years ago, we message each other every day, he started this and started sending me "hugs" for example "morning hugs! :D xoxox". I message him back. He has invited me over before and cooked me dinner, I have returned the favour, however there are literally months between when we see each other.

The last time he came over, he held me and kissed me in the most passionate way, and when he hugged it was as if he never wanted to let me go. However more months passed.

Just recently I asked him to go out to dinner (with the intention of finding out if we were only friends or if we could be more). He picked me up, opened doors and even pulled out my chair for me. I did mention when I asked him out that I was going to pay for myself however when we got to the restaurant he insisted on paying for everything, including the most expensive wine in the restaurant. He then invited himself into my house and we watched a movie. When he was leaving he started kissing me and hugging me again at the door, but just as he walked out the door he said "I'm not relationship material, you will just get hurt, I want to do the right thing for the first time in my life."

I took this to mean, that he has feelings for me but not enough to want to be with me and that was it, there was no chance for us. But then in the morning I get a message with the morning hugs again with the kisses. I am confused. Can anyone shed some light on what he might actually mean? Should I message him back or just ignore it and move on?


Most Helpful Guy

  • i have used this line before...in this case however, I think he really likes you. he likes you enough to let you know up front that it would never work...why would it never work? well it has nothing to do with how much he likes you or anything like that. The guy is not relationship material. what does that mean? it means he has trouble with one of the main focal points of a relationship...be it, communication, loyalty, honesty, emotional availablility...it has nothing to do with you, or another person in his life. he is this certain way for whatever reason, and while I'm assuming he could change whatever his flaw may be, he knows that at least for right now he is struggling in an area. an area big enough to effect a relationship in a neg way, no matter who its with...

    I have issues like this. I don't let myself love someone. that simple...why? idk, but until I learn I won't have a gf...doesn't matter how pretty, hott, succesful...if I can't love someone, it will fail every time.


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What Guys Said 1

  • It sounds like he's conflicted. He's trying to let you know that he's not relationship material for you but at the same time wants to keep the 'fun' going.

    It sounds like he has all the moves and knows how to please a girl. I think you should move on but if you want to try - get him to explain about what he meant (re not relationship material) and consider how a relationship would work between you two (considering distance and frequency of seeing each other etc.).


What Girls Said 1

  • He does like you, but if a guy says straight up that he's not relationship material, he's telling you that he's never going to commit. He gets to take the guilt off his shoulders in this way. If you decide to keep dating him and you're hurt that he doesn't want commitment, it won't be his fault anymore because he's told you outright.