When he says he loves me does he really mean it?

My ex and I were on and off for over a good year and a few months. Right now we're not together. The last time we broke up we really thought we were happy together. I became stressed with life and I was upset with the fact that he wasn't "in love with me." But he loved me. For a long time we had issues about him comparing me to other girls. He wanted this perfect girl but when we were last together he I don't know "settled" or 'accepted' me ya know? it's just weird. Anyway I was upset, and I tried to talk to him about it and I ended up freaking out. Then we broke up. A week later he's dating someone new (and skinnier [he's into the thin type and I'm not fat but a little chub in the belly and lovehandles]) and he was taking me to the airport for christmas and we stopped at his apartment and he has like this little note for the girl on the fridge saying he loves no one else more or something like that. Then I'm up here now and we talked on the phone and he said that he WAS happy when he was with me and he DOES love me still. And that he didn't really want to break up. But we've broken up 4 times because HE didn't want to be with me at the time and I don't know if I should believe him this time. This relationship is really complicated and could be understood more if I were to explain everything but I'm not going to unless Someone wants to talk to me that can really listen.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm in a similar situation. My ex and I were together for 3 years but broke up because, well honestly he doesn't know what he wants in life (his mom even told me this) and it just wasn't working anymore. Other girls were never the problem but we've had other problems since breaking up. Basically I know he stills "loves" me. Or cares about me. But we're not in love anymore. It's weird I know haha. But I think you really need to just move on. He should love you for who you are. He's stringing you along in case in doesn't work out with these "perfect" girls. He's rubbing it in your face. He knows he can manipulate you and knows which buttons to push. Don't give him the satisfaction. Take a step back and don't let him do this to you. Once he realizes he doesn't have that control over you he will wonder what's up and ultimately will try to "win" you back. You need to decide if he's really worth it. He might just be worth having around as a friend. I'm not saying you can't still care about him, just don't let him push you around like this, and don't make yourself so available to him. This is a vicious cycle.


What Guys Said 2

  • Dan Savage talls about the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" thing a bit. Maybe you could look it up.

    My interpretation is, yes, he does love you, BUT he is unwilling to commit to that love.

    My advice is dump him, he won't change (he has taken a year to prove that) and you'll only waste your time. The guy is messing you about.

  • lose this guy...it's soooo obvious sometimes you just need someone else to say it. He isn't interested in you long term he just like the fact that multiple women still like him, and that he can bring those feelings out of you. Men like control as much as women do. If he loved you then these trust issues wouldn't be... an issue. I know it's going to be hard but you gotta let him know that he's already past strike three!


What Girls Said 2

  • Don't you think you deserve better than this? This guy has the nerve to swan off because YOU aren't perfect? Honey why do you even want this guy? No one should ever make you doubt yourself and any guy who can so willingly let you go is not worth your time! He loves you? I'm sorry but if he did he couldn't bear to treat you like he does, especially when he does it TIME AND TIME AGAIN! He is messing with your head. He doesn't want to be alone so when he realises that these other "perfect" girls aren't as perfect as he thought he runs back to you! This has nothing to do with you! This is his problem. He doesn't know what he wants or if he does I can confidently say he will NEVER find it! You need to move on and realise that you deserve better. Real love should never hurt like this... Take care of yourself!