Boyfriend won't give me space,how can I ask him without hurting his feelings?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is really clingy and I feel a bit suffocated.I still live with my parents and he stays for days on end,he's already been at my house for over a week and said he is going to stay at mine over the holidays,he didn't even ask me if he could.He lost his job also and so when I go to work he takes me there and then goes back to my house while I'm at work,sometimes he goes and does his own thing though.My parents even said they really like him but it's getting a bit much and he is here every single day,I don't even pay board so my parents are paying for what he eats,showering and what not,thing is boyfriend does so much for me,he is amazing and he does help out with my parents too,but he just won't give me any space.

Last weekend I said I need space,he said he can't do time apart because he loves me too much.He gave me a day.I want to live with him but,when we can afford it..But even now it's too much,I even encourage him to spend time with his mates and I say you should have some boy time and he said no I don't need boy time...I'm not sure what to do,I don't want to lie to him and make up some excuse to get space,but I also don't want to be straight and really hurt his feelings..

Everyone needs their own time to themselves we were all individuals at the start..it puts more pressure on me too hearing that it's stressing my parents out to by him being here all the time and they like their space as well.

I never ask him to do something,he always just either asks or assumes.

What can I do?

[Konnour]

If you want it easy you won't have your space or you gonna hurt that lad.

There is only one solution to this but it's probably too hard for you or anybody else to put in action with results, but as you asked for it...

You gotta find out WHY he's so clingy, find the source of this and deal with it, possible options are:

-he had sh*tty childhood, lack of love from the family

-he's lonely, without friends

-he's anxious or nervous about something

-he's genetically hardwired to be clingy

Those the most likely options are with progressive difficulty, starting with the easiest and ending with the hardest.

If it's about bad childhood, then just give him extra-attention and affection and after few months he should be fine, more grounded inside instead like a leaf in a breeze.

If he needs a company then help him to get it, take him to parties, clubs or whatever, or maybe introduce him with your girlfriends' boyfriends, every guy needs buddies to share a beer with sometime.

If he's stressed then it's the doctor who need to help him instead of you. Nothing much you can do about this, instead of encouraging him to seek medical help.

If he's hardwired to be clingy then absolutely nothing could make him different, he's doomed forever to be like that, so you either gonna deal with it and learn to live with it or dump him.

But of course how could you know whether or not he's like that? Well.. you can't! And that's the hardest part about it.

[NothingGoldCanStay]

Did he lose his parents or something? Why is he living with you? I get it if he is going through a hard time but he should stay at his own place.

[Asker]

He isn't living with me he just comes and goes as he pleases lol

[Asker]

He just stays,a lot.

[NothingGoldCanStay]

Well why is he not with his family durring the holidays?

[Asker]

Because they are in another country

[NothingGoldCanStay]

I see. Ye do as you please but don't feel obliged to give him free rent cause he is your boyfriend, expecialy as he doesn't exactly seem like much of a great boyfriend.

[Asker]

I know I sort of feel like that too!He is a good boyfriend though!

[Coffinspire]

Thats how my boyfriend was. I enjoyed the attention though because I'm the same way. We really have only spent like a week apart total in the two years that we've been together. I think he just requires more attention than you do and you guys need to solve this now because it's not going to go away or change because that's just how he's wired.

My advice would be to accept the attention and really appreciate him being there because these kinds of guys that want to be around 24/7 are hard to find and good to be with in the long run. Sometimes my boyfriend gets a little much for me and I just spend a little time in another room for a couple hours by myself and I'll flat out tell him leave me alone I'm irritated and he's more than happy to do what I ask (he doesn't want to be around me when I'm like that anyway lol)

[Asker]

Yeah I've never had a guy like him before he is a great boyfriend and it is nic to have someone that wants to be with you all the time,but sometimes it does get a bit much and when I come home sometimes I don't want to have to worry about him and just chill but I can't.I'd rather have someone that is clingy though than have someone who doesn't have time for me and is distant

[Coffinspire]

My point exactly. Of course it's going to get annoying, it happens just let him know to leave you alone for a bit because he sounds like a winner. Communication is a great thing

[Anonymous]

Wow, what a sense of entitlement. Tell him that he can love you from another residence.

[Asker]

What do you mean by that?