Is it possible my boyfriend isn't attracted to me?

So, I met my boyfriend 7 months ago, we've been exclusive for 5. He travels a lot for work and can be gone for weeks at a time but he's great at calling every day and texting during the day. He's funny, loyal, smart, attractive... I fell for him really fast and really hard but as time went on he's starting to get a little weird. The phone version of him hasn't changed but when we're together I don't really feel like he's attracted to me. I have never had a self esteem issue but I'm starting to develop one. I KNOW I'm attractive and I know guys find me attractive but I also know everybody's different. I even tried asking him what he usually goes for in a girl, all he's ever said is that he likes long hair (which I have). It started when he came back from a long trip and we were out and about and it got a little crowded so I put my hand on his arm while we were walking but he shrugged it off. I asked him about it later and he said PDA makes him uncomfortable and he didn't like me hanging on him. I don't consider that PDA but again, everyone's different. But it got to a point where he wouldn't even stand next to me and other guys would come and talk to me because it looked like I was by myself and of course he would get upset. Turns out his ex had cheated on him. Something I would never do. The public stuff wouldn't be so bad except it started happening when we were alone too. He would turn his head away when I tried to kiss him or would sit on a separate piece of furniture than the one I was sitting on, and even if I hadn't seen him in weeks he would greet me with a nod of his head or a wave... He wouldn't initiate any kind of contact unless he was ready to have sex. If I tried to initiate sex I had to be really persistent and it wasn't as good and he usually couldn't finish. I added two extra workouts during the week trying to make myself feel better and was feeling pretty hot so I greeted him in panties and a pair of stilettos one day and his only response was to slap me on the ass and say I was looking kind of thin. He has never complimented me even when I go out of my way for him. I'm so confused! What kind of a man acts like this? I no longer feel confident enough to be adventurous & creative with him and I feel contained. I hate it! So I told him I needed a break. He got so angry and cried yet refused to talk about it. So, it's been over a month. I haven't seen him but he calls regularly and texts daily. I've asked him for space but he says that's stupid and we can be friends. He drunk dials me and wants to have phone sex but never tries to see me. I love this man but I don't like the way he makes me feel about myself. I just wish I understood him so I could move on... Any ideas on what his issue is? I am 99% sure he wasn't cheating.

So, I called him up & asked if we could meet before his trip next week. We were supposed to meet this afternoon & he blew me off. Thanks for all the advice & pushing me to try talking one last time. As much as this sucks it's nice to know we're done


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's hard to tell. I think there maybe something on his mind which is making him act like this.

    I wouldn't worry because It's nothing that you have done.

    The best thing you can do is sit down and talk to him. Have a heart to heart. Let him know how you feel and ask him if there is anything he would like to talk about. Let him know that you care for him and that you are there if he needs you or if he ever wants to talk.

    Call him or txt him and say that you would like to meet up so that you can talk.

    It is the grown up way to deal with it and it is the only way you will find out.

    If he does not want to talk, I know it is hard, but you need to accept it and move on. Don't reply to his txts or calls if he will not meet up with you and talk.

    It will take time, but you can get over it and meet someone else who is interested and willing to give things a go.

    • Report

      We have talked but when I try to tell him how he's making me feel he says I'm being critical of him and he doesn't appreciate it... He loves telling me that he hasn't looked at or talked to another girl and I've told him that I'm not dating anyone else but I won't martyr myself for him. His work & life are going great. I just realized that I loved being with him and he didn't feel the same way & that's not ok. I guess I just wanted to be sure before I really called it quits for good. Thx