im 17 and he is 19 For some reason he's been getting progressively meaner and meaner to me. and he tries to control me too much. once we go into an argument and I finally exploded as asked why he's been acting like such a jerk all of a sudden and he said "well maybe if I wasn't with a ******* pig I wouldn't have to be" I could not believe he said that to me and I started to cry. I felt so stupid and embarrassed standing there crying in front of him and at first he even didn't do anything then hours later he came and apologized to me. but he isn't acting any different and the other day he grabbed my shoulders really hard over something small that I can't even remember. he continues with the mean names and talks bad about my friends and my mom. I don't understand why he became like this out of no where. but I love him and I can't help it. I keep telling myself that he'll go back to how he was before and this is just a horrible thing... I tried to talk to him and he said he really doesn't want to talk to me right now or something like that. I don't know what's wrong with him but he acts like its my fault. please help, advice ?
Without knowing him or you, it's difficult to give you any exact reasons. However, a few red flags.
First off, if it was just *once* that he did this, it *might* be explainable (but not necessarily acceptable). He could have just been having a bad day. However, I don't think this is the issue. He could just be a jerk and have been keeping it hidden in order to woo you. I think this scenario is a bit more likely.
But what I think it really boils down to is the *control* aspect. I think he's always been very controlling, but taking his time in order to try and control you (or figure out how to do it effectively) and realizing you're not easily controlled. He therefore is resorting to more punitive and mean measures. My guess is he views you little more than property or a pet that needs to obey its master. Otherwise he'd be treating you a bit better.
I could be mistaken, but I don't think so. Reason is, I find the name calling as such inexcusable. I think it's him showing his true colors, and he *will* resort to that in the future, or worse. :S And whatever he says, it's *not* your fault.
im with Jaycutler, if I saw this happening I wouldn't hesitate to kick him in the face at the end of that sentence as an example you stated.
but that's not the right thing to do even though we all think it is. I highly Recommend to leave at once, No guy or girl has the right to talk down to his /her lover like that. NO form of abuse is acceptable in a relationship, physical or emotional.
I'm trying to figure out why you haven't left him yet! You can do so much better! Don't let this man run all over you and abuse you ok? He's the one with the problem and he's blaming it on u. He isn't worth it at all
You should've dumped him at that very first comment. It does NOT matter whether he will go back or not, his actions toward you are unacceptable. Respect yourself enough to walk no matter how you feel about him. You'll meet a guy who you feel stronger for (promise) and he'd never dream of saying anything like that to you. This guy is majorly insecure, and if you keep putting up with it he'll put you in the hospital one day.
He probably won't go back to that. Even if he did, it wouldn't be the same knowing he said those things to you. You should get out of that relationship, it sounds like it could escalate to being abusive (emotionally, verbally and physically.)
dump him. no thinking. just do it. id dump him the second time he said something totally unnecessary & disrespectful. id only give him two times because id be too shocked to be sure I heard him correctly the first time. he does not deserve a relationship, he needs a spanking & a therapist.
you need to talk to someone about abusive relationships. Do some google searches online.
you're an abused woman now he's got you thinking this is what you deserve and that you can't do any better ...that's not true.
you're sort of brainwashed right now and the chemicals of "love" and the dependency you have on him have you thinking this is gonna just be OK if you can figure out how you can fix him and that if you could jsut say or do the right thing everything would be fine.
that's not the case. you know when someone has been brainwashed by a cult their relatives have to kidnap them and isolate them from their abuser and deprogram them...that's sort of what you need to do now. you need to get away from him before this gets so bad that you cant. stop thinking with your heart and think with your brain and your survival instincts. Protect yourself and save yourself.
How long have you been dating? Chances are that this is not what become of him, but what he's always been. People can hide their true selves for a long time if they want to, you wouldn't be the first to discover that they're essentially dating a chameleon. Even if he suddenly became like this - which is very unlikely - the chances he'll go back to how you knew him are very slim.
You should not accept his behavior . You say he acts like that because of minor things, and even when he isn't "angry" he isn't willing to talk about it. Girl, you need to respect yourself and get rid of this person. He will make you feel miserable about yourself and the longer you stick around the bigger the pain will be. It sounds like he might be in need of professional help, don't go on believing that you can change him. You can't.