My boyfriend ignores me when I'm upset or not feeling on top of the world

I have an amazing time with my boyfriend and he can be really thoughtful and compassionate, that is providing I'm happy! The unusual thing is, when I happen to have a bad day or am feeling rather down and somehow express this to him, he seems to disappear and ignore me completely. I'm generally a happy person so I'm not someone miserable to hang out with but we all have bad days from time to time. The reason I'm having a bad day won't have anything to do with him and I've never taken things out on another person but when his not there as an ear or to offer his friendship, I get upset with him too and feel hurt. The problem is not him to start with but in essence, he creates it to be about him by acting in such manner. When we do speak, he'll say he hasn't been around because I haven't been myself or been too sour to talk to. He has also previously stopped me in the middle of my sentences and changed the subject if I've had anything the slightest negative to say such as even, I don't like our real estate, it irritates me how they can't get back to us. It's like I'm supposed to be a human with no emotions.


Now I know I shouldn't be with someone who I can't turn to but I'm wondering if something explains this behavior? I've tried talking to him about this and he promises to be better but never is when it comes time. I know his previously had bad case of depression so could this be why he can't handle the slightest bit of bad news? Or am I being taken for a wild ride where he just doesn't give a s**t about me and that's why?


 

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  • "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down." ~ Oprah Winfrey


    First of all, it hurts when he seems to talk to you only when you're in a good mood, then change his tune when you feel miserable or in need of help. It hurts when it happens from a lover that is supposed to stand by your side, comfort you and be there for you whenever you need someone to talk to.


    There could be a couple of reasons to why he does this:


    1- He doesn't really care about you. He wants to absorb your strength but repel your weakness. Things like that happen, sadly.


    2- He doesn't want your bad influence (when you're depressed) to affect him. Maybe he is prone to depression and had it before like you said. He knows that it's easy for him to go back to depression if he is in company with a person who express negative thoughts. By the way, depressed people are advised to surround themselves with optimistic people and avoid others who could have a negative influence.


    Which case is it? I couldn't tell. You know him more than people on GAG, but there is something that I can tell you to do. I understand that you like to vent in his presence because you love and trust him, but try to limit that a bit. If he had passed through depression phases, it's better not to burden him with such things. Do it out of love and care. :) Talk to him about it. Ask him calmly with a smile "Do you feel bad when I vent? Do you think it could because you going back to depression?" Accept any reply he gives and learn more about him.


    Good luck. :)



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